


the hardest part of this (is leaving you)

by Joshsabs, softheathen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cancer, Depression, I'm so sorry, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-07-18 09:55:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 62,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joshsabs/pseuds/Joshsabs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/softheathen/pseuds/softheathen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler Joseph was born with color blindness, the full inability to see color. Years pass by full of darkness and dull skies, but when he finally meets a boy who brings fluorescent colors to the world around him. Will they stay for good?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tyler Joseph was born with color blindness. The inability to see color. There's no actual blindness at all of course, but living with your whole world in grey and black isn't ideal. Everything was dull.

Descriptions were hard for Tyler, his world was shaped by the feeling each item or each figure in the distance gave. That didn’t stop him from writing verses and setting rhymes, his pen flowing across the pages with eloquent gestures as he worked on describing the feel of something, described the way the edges curved like the space between your neck and shoulder, the way the emotions faded into each other, rough, or soft like the waves after a heavy storm. He was addicted to the feeling, addicted to the sight, but he couldn’t help feeling like something was lost.

Tyler’s eyes traced the lines of his duvet, the shapes folded and messy because he never really cared much for making his bed, never really cared much for keeping things neat. He was drawn to the items that stood out, rough edges, mess. He loved mess. Something about the way it looked lived in made him feel more at home.

His fingers ran across the smooth mahogany of his desk, running over the perfectly soften surface. He sighed as he wrapped his arm around himself and headed out to the foyer. The floorboards creaked with every step he took, his fingers tracing down the rough wooden surface of the railing, he let out a soft breath with every move he made, easing his racing mind. 

Tyler’s socked feet kicked softly at the floor as he sauntered over to the grand piano that stood positioned next to the bay window of his living room, he ran his fingers across the side as he made his way to the seat that stood in the perfect positioning in front of the keys. He pressed softly against the ivory keys, the cold material sending a soft shiver through his body as he listened to the soft ting that the instrument let loose. 

Through years of forced piano lessons via his parents, Tyler had become somewhat of a pro when it came towards playing the piano. He was very fluent with learning things from sound, the playing of his piano came almost as fluidly as his writing did. His mind worked fast and thoroughly, completing intricate patterns at a rate that would be slow for most individuals. These traits, lead towards the characteristics of a skilled and wonderful musician. Though Tyler never thought so, he was never anything special. The words he wrote, the songs he sung, and the music he played meant nothing to anybody but himself. His parents were proud of him though, so he supposed it was something. 

He took a soft breath and pressed his fingers softly against the keys, scavenging his mind searching for the words he wrote down mere minutes ago, but those of which had already been pressed into his memory. His fingers floated effortlessly across the keys as he stumbled over a previously written tune, he sighed softly and let his voice flow in. 

“The young boy wants to move ahead  
And the old man sings rewind  
I wonder when in this timeline  
We’ll break to the other side

Maybe there’s a span of time  
When we feel we’re neither nor  
Not wanting to go back again  
And not wanting to go for-“

Tyler struggled to recover himself after a loud bang sounded from outside, startling his hands and causing him to slip up in his steadied pace, the notes he pressed ringing out in a pattern that was off tone and simply awful. He sighed and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair, taking a deep breath and trying to recover himself. He floated his hands over the keys once again, but as quickly as it came he had lost the motivation to focus on his music. 

Frustrated with his sudden disinterest in playing, he swung his legs off the edge of his piano chair, raising to his feet and shuffling towards the window, twisting the plastic coated string that allowed the blinds to slowly ease open, the light faltered his vision for a moment, but after a few seconds of readjusting he could see perfectly fine, albeit soft squinting. He furrowed his eyebrows as he noticed the truck that now stood in the usually vacant winding driveway of the house next door, but he smiled thoughtfully to himself. Finally, somebody was moving in, it surely would lead to more enjoyment in the neighbourhood. He leaned against the widely framed window, watching as two men stumbled out of the truck’s side and began to remove stuff from within the back. 

He wondered if the people moving in had a son.

\---

Tyler’s house was still unusually vacant, his mother had been staying late at work for the past week, things had become busy within her real estate company and she seemed to spend more time at the office than she spent at home, but of course Tyler didn’t matter. Being alone gave him time to think, to create. It wasn’t a negative, but of course sometimes he missed spending dinners speaking with his mother speaking about what had happened at school. About the way two kids in his Science class were expelled for jacking each other off in the back of the classroom, the way his best friend painted his nails during a class and nobody batted an eye, other than a few mutters of protest about the pungent smell of ethyl and butyl acetate that filled the empty confinements of the room. Jenna described the color of the polish as a deep red. He’d just shrugged his shoulders and muttered an approval of, “You act like I can make that out, but I’m sure it’s lovely.” 

Tyler’s father was as usual absent, he would leave town for months out of time for work and be home for a spare few weeks, disappearing soon after that ended without so much of a goodbye. Tyler couldn’t remember the last time he held a full conversation with his father, it seemed most times that he didn’t even have one. He’d occasionally get the notification on his phone, a text from his father saying a small. “I love you.” Or an update on how he was doing, where he was, and what he was doing. Tyler seldom replied. He couldn’t find the energy to most days. He was sure that it was negative thing to do, creating empty space where there should have been a relationship. But he wasn’t quite sure on how to create something from nothing, and he wasn’t to dedicated to trying. 

Tyler had sat on the back balcony, listening to the sounds of moving items, packing tape unravelling, yelling of directions and soft mutterings of approval when something was put in the correct place. Or so he put together. He was watching the soft breeze blow the branches of the large cherry blossom tree that stood in the backyard; he watched the petals flow softly to the ground and tumble gently across the lawn. He found himself mesmerized by the motion, watching this repeat in an endless and comforting loop, he didn’t think he could ever fall bored with this. 

He was dragged from his focus when a soft laugh broke through the muffled silence, and within an instant his hearing had turned into the direction the sound came from. A new voice had fallen in to place next door, and he was instantly drawn. The tone and softness of the masculine tone that rang softly through the air intrigued him. He’d certainly have to go down there and make an introduction now wouldn’t he? 

Only when his feet hit the soft grass did he realize that he was only wearing socks, but he decided after a moment of staring at his feet that it didn’t matter. He hoped that these people wouldn’t judge him too harshly, and if he asked, he would surely think of some elaborate fabrication of the real story to get him by. His socked feet hit gravel, his face moving into a wince as rocks dug deep into his feet, after all, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. 

Tyler pushed open the rickety wooden gate that stood dormant at the corner of his backyard, not many people used this gate, so the hinges had become rusted and flimsy with the adding age, he had to use more force than he would have hoped, but it swung open with ease once he found the right pressure. He took a deep breath and stepped into the sight of the new neighbours. 

A younger man and a middle-aged woman were sitting at the edge of a moving truck, while two burly men who looked as if they had committed a few crimes in their time moved boxes in and out of the small front door opening. The man with the messy hair looked startled when he saw Tyler come into view, but he managed a wave after looking the tall and frail looking teenager up and down. The older woman that Tyler had immediately assumed was his mother followed suit, her bobbed hair moving slightly with the motion of the wind and the movement she had just given. The man sitting next to her smiled and jumped down off the back of the truck, Tyler watched mesmerized as the man walked toward him, his arms swinging softly from his sides and his messy hair moving softly with the breeze. 

Holy fuck, he was adorable. Tyler’s eyes scanned the soft face of the individual who stood in front of him, his face was boyish, but also perfectly sculpted, he was too busy studying his features that he almost missed when he came close enough to touch, and he spoke softly. 

“Would it be a mistake for me to assume that you must be the next door neighbour?”

Tyler nearly let out a soft gasp, the voice that filled his ears sounded like what hot chocolate tasted like, sounded like a song that was perfectly form fitted to your every current mood, and he couldn’t help but smile. He reached out a hand, asking for a handshake and smiled softly when the gesture was returned. 

“I think there’s a possibility you could be right, I would hope so at least. If you see anybody who is not me leave from that gate, you should definitely be concerned.”

The boy let out a soft laugh and Tyler could feel the smile grow across his lips to the point where he could feel a dull ache in his cheeks, he couldn’t care less though. This boy was absolutely mesmerising, his dimples accentuated his face in a way he’d never found appealing on anybody else before, but this, this boy was a whole new page in a journal that had never once been opened, purchased and forgotten only to be discovered at the most important of times. 

"I guess I should share with you my name then, assuming that I’ll be seeing you more than once? I’m Josh.” 

Tyler smiled softly, nodding his head gently. That name definitely was form-fitted. It seemed to fit him perfectly and he watched as Josh absentmindedly bit his lip as he waited for a response. 

“And I’m Tyler. It’s nice to meet you, we don’t see many people moving into this neighbourhood. Unless they’re over 80 and just waiting for the embrace of death.” 

“Well, that’s certainly a different way of looking at the scenario. I dig it.” 

Tyler felt his face begin to heat up as he adverted his eyes towards the moving truck that his mother was still sitting on, taking a sip from a water bottle and gazing over back at Josh. Tyler got an idea and shrugged his shoulders, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

“Do you guys need any help moving anything in, I do happen to be very skilled at using my hands.” He wiggled his fingers in front of his chest, Josh let out a soft laugh but shook his head. 

“Nah, we pretty much have everything under control, all that’s left to do is work on organizing everything and unboxing. Mom’s got it all pretty much under control.” He smiled and pointed back towards the woman who looked as if she would rather be doing anything else but sitting there and watching the movers. Tyler nodded his head in understanding and motioned back towards his house. 

“Well, if you’re ever too bored to deal with yourself, don’t hesitate to come find me. I’m usually alone as it is.” 

Josh gave a wide smile and raised his hand, giving a small wave before slowly turning on his heel and heading back in the direction of his mother. Tyler began padding across the lawn in his sure-to-be-ruined socks, letting out a soft happy sigh as he reached his front door. 

“Hey, Tyler!” 

Tyler’s head snapped back behind him, where he spotted Josh with his hands cupped around his mouth.

“I’ll take you up on your offer tomorrow night.” Tyler stuck his thumb in the air and pumped his fist softly, letting out a light laugh as he looked away and stepped into the house, pushing the door handle softly and allowing the door to fall shut behind him, not bothering to lock it. 

He nearly tripped over his two feet when he noticed something wasn’t quite right about the flowers that stood dormant and dying in the vase beside the staircase.


	2. Chapter 2

Tyler blinked his eyes harshly, feeling the slight burn behind his eyes as his vision adjusted to what was in front of him. Something was different, instead of being dull and boring, just another figure that littered their house. It stood out. He squinted his eyes, wondering if he did so the sight in front of him would change, and the singular color fading back into the dull dimness that he was so used to.

 

            No matter what he tried, looking away and looking back, tracing his fingers along the thin petals and trying to drag his focus away. He could see there was color. Though he wasn’t sure what color it was exactly, he tried to recall what his mother had spoken to him. He knew what type of flower it was of course, he was always intrigued when his mother would bring home a new bouquet.

-

 

_“These ones are roses, Ty. They’re my favorite.”_

_She’d smiled, placing them in a vase full of water. Tyler sat on the staircase. His bare feet tapping softly against the creaking, wooden steps._

_“Describe the color to me?”_

_He asked, placing his elbows on his knees and leaning forward, his eyes studying the expression that crossed his Mother’s face._

_“It’s the color you feel when somebody who loves you kisses you for the first time. It’s the feeling of burning anger and hot cheeks, overwhelming but growing to be comforting after a period of time. It’s dark yet vibrant all at once. It’s a blood moon. A deep, dark red.”_

_She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead._

_“I have to get going, take care of yourself.”_

_Tyler watched as she walked across the tiled flooring, her heels clicking against the stone. He let out a sigh when her figure disappeared from sight._

_-_

            Tyler felt a chill flow through his spine and he shivered, taking a step back from the flowers and wrapping his arms around himself. He was happy, my god he was happy. He felt like a flower was blooming deep inside his chest, he smiled softly, bouncing softly on his toes and plucking a wilted petal from the stem turning it over in the palm of his hands. The petal felt as soft as a feather, and it weighed as much. He let out a soft noise of appreciation and fluttered his eyes shut.

 

            The feeling of something foreign coming into Tyler’s line of vision was not a common experience. But he would never be able to describe the feeling of overwhelming joy he felt upon his sudden discovery. But he didn’t understand why this had been happening; his life had been grey and black for so long, why would now be the time that colors would begin to show through the undertones of duller shades? He couldn’t muster up the energy to focus on such just yet. He took a deep breath and plucked a full rose from the vase, watching as the translucent drops of water fell to the floor at his feet. He pulled the flower to his chest and ran his fingers down the darkened stem. He inhaled the soft floral scent that made its way into his airway and smiled, he could almost feel the hole within him filling up.

 

            Tyler didn’t think a second before he dashed up the stairs, the rose still held tightly within his left hand. His right grazing the railing as he climbed the stairs. He turned a hard right and pushed open the door to his room.

 

He stepped inside and he let out a soft gasp, running his hand down the doorframe, the smooth material sending a shiver down his spine as the cold touched the palm of his hand. He could see every fleck of red throughout his room. The pencils that littered the desk held a band of red around the end; his sheets were covered in sporadic splats of different shades of the same color. He leaned against the doorframe and slid down to the ground, a loud laugh leaving his lips as his smile broke into a grin, his eyes fluttering shut as he laughed.

 

            Although it was only one color, the beauty that he witnessed within the world due to the exposure of this one unknown miracle, was absolutely indescribable.

 

\--

 

            Hours later, Tyler was curled up in his bed as the sun went down, his hands still firmly wrapped around the rose. He had plucked all the thorns from the spindly stem, so he could easily brush his thumb across the surface without causing himself harm. He had never felt this happy in his entire life. Sure, he’d had good things, but today just seemed too good to be true. He hummed softly to himself as he replayed the events. A new boy had moved in next door, and he could see the color red.

 

            His body flew forward as he heard the front door swing open, and a bigger smile grew across his face as he pulled the blankets away from his frame, dropping the rose on the pillow and jogging out of his room and down the stairs.

 

            “Mom!”

 

            His voice rose higher than he’d ever heard it before, and his mom stepped back, shocked by his sudden appearance into the front room.

 

            “Tyler, my god you scared me.”

 

            She placed her hand over her chest and shook her head softly.

 

            “Your lips are red.”

            Tyler sighed, noticing the dull color that framed her cracked lips.

 

            “Your point is- wait, Tyler how did you know that?”

 

            A smile spread across his lips, his cheeks aching with the sudden motion.

 

            “I can see the color, I can see the color of your lips, I can see the colors of the roses you bought, I can see the bands of red around my pencil erasers! Mom, I can see the color red.”

 

            Tyler’s eyes welled up with tears as he watched his Mother’s jaw drop into a silent ‘o’, she stepped forward and wrapped him in a hug before a single word could even leave her lips.

 

            “Does it feel how I told you it would?”

 

            She whispered, her face pressed against his shoulder.

 

            Tyler didn’t say a word, nodding his head and hugging her tight.

 

\--

_The rain fell in a rough pattern against the metallic roof of the shed, Tyler’s hands wrapped tightly around a bottle. The bottle rattled with every movement, every tremor that made it’s way through the confines of Tyler’s small and frail body. He tried to calm down his breathing, pacing it with the rushes of wave that he could practically feel in his bones, but to his dismay, he couldn’t stop. The cavity of his chest ached as a sob wreaked through his body._

_“Please, please no.”_

_The words echoed off the walls of the small shed, bouncing back and hitting him back with as much of a heavy heart as he had let out. Tyler’s cheeks were hot, he wiped raindrop after raindrop from his face, but despite his efforts to keep them away, they kept coming back. They were hot and sticky and made him feel like his eyes were on fire._

_“Come back, come back come back.”_

_He dropped the bottle and stepped back, pressing his back firmly against the wooden wall. A choked sob escaped his lips. The air felt thicker than smoke, it burned his lungs and tugged at his throat._

_“I won’t let you be gone.”_

_\--_

Tyler found himself jolted from sleep, his hand pressed firmly to his bare chest as he sighed deeply. The dream he had just witnessed had chilled him to the bone, sending shivers down his spine and causing him to pull the blankets closer around him, when he wasn’t cold in the first place. He didn’t understand the meaning of the dream, and being the intuitive individual Tyler was, he found meaning in everything. From scrapped notebook pages to leaves that littered the ground, why would a dream be any different?

 

            It was different, because unlike the other two examples. This wasn’t supposed to be real, it was a figure of his mind running through thoughts as he slept. So how did it feel so real? He pressed his head against the headboard and allowed his eyes to flutter shut, listening to the sound of his own breathing as if it would return the feeling in his chest back to normal. But despite how hard he hoped that would work, the pit in his stomach and the hollow and his chest seemed to be figments that were going to remain for quite some time. Tyler slid back down onto his mattress, his head hitting the pillow hard.

 

            Tyler looked into the darkness ahead of him, his mind running a thousand miles a minute. He traced his thoughts over the many different possibilities, hoping to find some way, some definition towards the dream he’d just had. Who did he lose? Who wasn’t he going to let be gone? And most importantly, why was he so distraught?

 

            He could practically feel the bottle he had gripped so tightly in his hands, he lifted up his hands in front of him, flipping them over a few times to examine the grooves as his mind took over for him. His knuckles were a significantly lighter gray than the rest of his hands, and he sighed. Sometimes, things didn’t have meaning. You couldn’t piece together the aspects of something that came and went so suddenly. And for his own sake, he hoped this is something that would pass as easily as a summer storm. He didn’t want to feel what he had felt in that dream, in reality.

 

            Tyler nestled his face into the soft throw blanket his brother had given him for Christmas last year, he curled it around his body and took a deep breath. Staring at the wall for a few given moments before he allowed his eyes to flutter shut. The scenes of the dream ran through his mind too many times for him to count, he allowed it until he decided it wasn’t worth running through anymore. He sighed deeply and allowed himself to once again be taken by sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Tyler’s eyes flew open the moment the shrill repetitive noise of his alarm clock rang throughout his room, echoing off the walls and bouncing off every surface. He let out a loud sigh and slammed his fingers down on the button, silencing the god-awful machine once and for all. He arched his back off the bed, feeling every bone in his spine crack and settle once again before he collapsed back down onto the bed and yawned. He blinked for a second and stared at his fingernails once he noticed the dark red paint that was chipping at the edges of his nail. He stroked his thumb across his index finger, taking a deep breath and pressing his knuckles against his lips. He was so happy.

Half an hour later, he found himself in the kitchen, searching through the uneventful cupboards of his kitchen looking for something that could make an adequate breakfast. Throughout his adventure through the cupboards, he couldn’t spot anything that was vaguely appealing. He ran a finger through his fluffy and messed up hair, and settled that a glass of water would have to do for now. He’d run out to the corner store later and grab something that’d last him until later tonight.

_Later tonight_ , Tyler’s eyes widened as he placed his glass onto the marble countertop. His eyes landing to stare at the kitchen sink once again. _Josh was coming over later tonight._ Did that mean he would have to make dinner for his new neighbor? He hoped so, that would give them something to start off the night with, although he didn’t have a game plan whatsoever. Not to mention, it was 1 in the afternoon, he let out an exaggerated sigh. He supposed he would have to stop by Josh’s place to ask him. But he wouldn’t dare something like that until he had taken a shower; he needed to look decent for once in his life.

Tyler exited the shower, dripping wet and smelling like lavender and vanilla. His father had always claimed that the shampoos and soaps that Tyler used were “too girly” that they made him, “seem gay.” His father was right on one of those accounts, but he never paid any mind to the other. He wrapped the towel around his thin waist and brushed his hands through his damp hair, working to get the strands out of his face. He stepped out of the bathroom, padding his way down to his room as he began to search through his drawers, looking for something decent to wear.

After nearly pulling every item out of his closet and drawers, he settled on a black t-shirt that was held nicely across his body, well, he assumed it was black. The color was either black or an extremely dark variation of a color. He sighed. He wondered why he didn’t wear this shirt too often; he’d have to change that sometime in the near future. He fished out a pair of dark red skinny jeans, now on this article of clothing, he was 100% sure was red. He pulled them on as quickly as any other human who wore skinny jeans would, with extreme difficulty.

He let out a loud exhausted sigh as he stood in front of the mirror, his fluffy hair simply untamed, and even with his struggle. There was simply no way he’d be able to calm down the mess of hair on top of his head. He eased it into a simpler part, pushing the mess down and calming it down just the slightest amount. He hoped Josh wouldn’t mind his hairs unruly appearance. He quickly made his way downstairs, slipping on a pair of old converse that barely fit his feet anymore, their edges covered and smudged with dirt. He unlocked the front door, pulling his key out of his pocket and locking it behind him. Even though he was only going to be next door from his house, he was always paranoid about something happening when he wasn’t looking. It was better to be safe than sorry, after all, they’d been broken into before.

His feet squished into the grass as he made his way across his front lawn, heading towards the front door of Josh’s house. He hoped it was okay if he showed up unannounced, and he certainly hoped he wasn’t interrupting anything important that Josh and his mother could be up to, especially unpacking. He knew how difficult it was moving into a new house and just how stressful unpacking and getting settled could be, and just how frustrating getting interrupted could be. His heart sped up as he rapped three times upon the door, almost backing out but he chose to stay frozen in place.

A few seconds later, the door opened to reveal a woman. Tyler recognized her as the woman who sat beside Josh on the back of the moving truck, a warm smile crossed his face as the anxiety all but melted away from his system, for some reason he was glad she’d open the door. He hadn’t gotten a chance to introduce himself to her, and he was much more anxious to see Josh.

“Oh, goodness. You must be Tyler, the boy from next door.”

Tyler let a bigger smile grow across his face, though the action was probably meaningless, Josh had found it important enough to spread his name on to his mother, and something about that made butterflies erupt in his stomach.

“That’s me, I’m assuming you’re Josh’s mother? I should have come introduced myself to you yesterday, but I guessed the both of you didn’t want to be bothered too much, settling is quite difficult in new settings.”

Josh’s mother shook her head, a friendly smile spreading across her lips.

“Don’t be silly! After Josh talked my ear off about you last night I figured I would have loved to have met you last night. My name’s Laura, it’s very nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. I was wondering if Josh was around? He told me yesterday he was planning on coming over later tonight and I was hoping to ask him what he wanted for dinner. In assumption that he’s staying

Laura let out a light laugh and stepped away from the door, motioning for Tyler to come inside. She seemed to notice the look of uncertainty on Tyler’s face and just gave a soft nod, he stepped inside and looked around a bit.

“He’s still sleeping, that boy is honestly the deepest sleeper around. He could probably sleep through an entire earthquake. I tried waking him up over an hour ago and he simply would not budge.”

She shook her head, her bob of a haircut bouncing around with her motions. Tyler let out a soft laugh of understanding; his brother was the same way before he moved out. He could sleep through the most intense amounts of screaming that could ever occur, without fluttering his eyes open once.

“Tyler, do you know anything about electronics?”

Tyler was confused but he understood, Josh had probably helped her previously with whatever she was trying to achieve. But of course, since the boy he had only met yesterday was still asleep into the late afternoon, he found it would have been better to help her instead of causing her to attempt once again to rouse Josh from his sleep.

“Of course, do you need help with something?”

Laura motioned him into the living room, and he gladly followed her through. This house was so much nicer than his own, the ceiling was higher and everything seemed just so eloquent. He scanned his eyes across the boxes that littered the living room and smiled softly. He vaguely remembered when his own house was in this much disarray, now it seemed almost too neat.

She lead him towards a TV, pushing the stand and TV farther forward so the back was exposed. It seemed from the start that he had previously been struggling with setting up the cords, he had to fight the urge to smile. He knew that she obviously just didn’t know how to put it together, he didn’t want to make fun of her, but it was such a mom thing to happen.

“I tried for most of the mornings to put these in the right place, but nothing I did seemed to work. They’re sorted by color but some of them just don’t work properly.”

Tyler frowned a bit, he saw the different shades of gray and hoped to god above that there would be a symbol connecting the colors and their respective place.

“I’ll do my best, I can’t really see color.”

He watched as Laura’s brows furrowed, she wasn’t so much of confused as she was trying to figure out exactly what he meant.

“Are you color blind?”

She asked innocently, he nodded and sent her a soft smile, feeling excitement rush through him as he noticed that there were indeed symbols that connected the colors and their desired placement on the backboard.

“Unfortunately, I have a rare form of it. Usually, when people are diagnosed with colorblindness they can still see color, but they see the wrong version of it. They see browns instead of pinks or oranges instead of green, but they can still see color. My kind is rarer; my mom explained it as living within a film noir, minus the negatives. So probably just like a black and white movie.”

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled at Laura, she seemed to be hanging on to every word he said with interest, he realized that he really liked this woman. He began to press components into their respected places before looking back up at Laura, a warm smile across his lips.

“Although, something happened yesterday after I met Josh. I walked inside and I could see the deep red of my mother’s roses.”

He could practically see her eyes light up as he pressed the final piece into place and stood back, checking to make sure that he had placed them properly in connection and nodded at himself when he realized that everything looked perfect.

“You can try it now; I think I managed to connect them properly. It should turn on right away.”

She grabbed the slender remote control and pressed the bright red 'on' button, he smiled softly as he noticed the color. He would never not be absolutely amazed at the fact that he could finally see the color red, he felt happiness surge through him as the television screen sprung to life.

“Oh, my. Thank you, Tyler. That took me too unnecessarily long on my own.”

“Absolutely no problem, electronics aren’t exactly my forte but I do my best to make them work.”

He let out a low chuckle as Laura smiled, his eyes widened as he saw somebody enter his peripheral vision. Laura noticed this and peeked back. A smile growing across her face as she caught sight of her son.

“It’s nice of you to finally rise from the dead.”

She smiled softly, motioning towards Tyler.

“He came over here to ask you something, and somehow managed to fix our TV in the process.”

“The TV wasn’t broken, mom.”

Laura rolled her eyes and just smiled, and Tyler watched as Josh crossed his arms over his chest, a smile spread out across his face. You could tell he had just woken up, his hair was a mess and he had nothing on other than a pair of loose fitting basketball shorts. Of course, Tyler wasn’t complaining.

“Sorry, I came over to ask you if you were planning on coming over for dinner, I know you said you’d appear sometime around the night but I just wanted to make sure. It sure would give me an excuse to go out and get some actual food for my house. Unfortunately, we’re running low.”

Tyler trailed off when he realized he was rambling; he looked away and brushed his hands through his hair. He could almost feel the damage he had done to the already messy mop of hair on his head. But at this point, he felt it was better to simply not care.

“Of course, I’d love that.”

The smile that spread across Josh’s lips nearly stopped Tyler’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't figured out an updating schedule for this fic, but I'm hoping I'll be able to manage at least three times a week. Summer vacation is a blessing when it comes to free time. I didn't have much time to proofread this chapter so if there's any mistakes feel free to let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

            Tyler had spoken to Josh a few spare moments before he decided that he better get going. If he was going to figure out what he was making, buy all the materials and get all the prep done by 6pm tonight. He’d need to get his ass out the door and figure out what was going on. He’d said a reluctant goodbye to Josh, shaking his head at himself when he walked out the door. He didn’t understand exactly why he should feel so attached to Josh already; the boy interested him but simultaneously intimidated him. He was warm and everything he could hope to be as a human being, he wondered if the color of his eyes was as warm as they looked in greyscale.

 

            He dragged his feet across the pavement as he walked down the street, pondering the many things he has the basic knowledge of cooking to successfully make without actually killing Josh. He twisted a string on the end of his shirt around his finger until he could feel the loss of circulation in his finger, letting go of the string and wringing his hand out. He knew how to make pasta? But not very good pasta at that. As he searched through the many ideas that his mind could possibly handle, he decided that he might as well just order pizza. That would be safe, probably not poisonous, and most likely good. Maybe getting Josh’s hopes up for a home cooked dinner was horribly incorrect, but he hardly saw Josh as somebody who would disagree with getting pizza. He seemed too laid back and chill with everything. Tyler loved it.

 

            Tyler walked through the many different aisles despite deciding against making dinner. They seemed to have absolutely nothing to make or eat in general within his house, and for the sake of not only his survival; but his sanity. He needed to make a significant improvement to that fact. He whistled softly as he twisted cans of soup around in his hands, barely glancing at the nutritional facts as he threw them into the cart. Most of this food was for him anyway, it wasn’t as if he necessarily had anybody to share it with, his mom only came home late nights, never during the day. He always assumed that she already ate.

 

            There was one thing that Tyler knew for absolutely certain as the elderly woman who stood as the cashier scanned his items: He absolutely hated small talk. He hated conversations that were not initiated with consent or by him directly. Call him insensitive, but the only words he wished to speak with the cashier were that of how much he had to pay, and a goodbye. Especially today, he was too anxious to fully process proper ways to reply to what she was talking about, but he nodded along. Trying to successfully make him seem less ignoring of what she was saying. He politely smiled at her as he collected his things off the counter, saying a quick, “Have a good day!” before he hurried out the door.

 

            He hummed as he walked back towards his house; he was so glad that he lived so close to the store. He absolutely loathed driving, he loved being a passenger, but he hated having that much power over a container of metal that weighed more than his entire family meshed together. The bags in his hands left harsh red stains on his fingers, ones that were sore to the touch from the weight that was concealed within them. This was one of the negatives of not liking driving; he had to carry items that could be heavier back home by himself. He smiled softly though, breathing in the soft and fresh air that entered his lungs. He didn’t really have half a heart to care about anything right now, he was too focused on thinking about tonight.

 

            Tyler wasn’t very social. Thoughts running through his head were trying to convince him that something was going to happen and ruin his chances of ever befriending Josh. He sighed heavily as he piled items into the cupboards and fridge, trying to pull himself away from the thoughts that filled him. _What if he said something unconventional? Confusing? Gross?_ He let out an even louder sigh, pressing his face to the side of the fridge. He began to sing something under his breath, the voice telling him that something was going to go horribly wrong silencing itself and falling into nothing. He smiled.

 

            Tyler practically threw himself across the couch in his living room, not a single magazine on the table stood out in disorder. Nothing stood clustered around his piano, everything was boring, bland, and he was almost certain the fact that everything being gray and black other than the pieces of different red shades only heightened the blandness that circulated. He’d thought many times before about buying something that stood out for this room, something that would catch people’s eye and bring questions to their lips. But his mom ignored his every request, seemingly forgetting it seconds later as she asked him to do something for her. Before he could allow another thought to fly through his mind; he had fallen asleep.

 

            Tyler awoke suddenly to the sound of a shrill ringing echoing through the confines of his extremely empty house. He muttered a string of curses under his breath as he pulled himself off the couch, nearly dashing towards the front door. In his sleepy stupor, he struggled with the lock. Messing up nearly five times before he finally got them aligned properly. He pulled open the door with ease, leaving his hand on the edge of it. A small smile crossed his lips as he saw the boy with the messy hair and soft edges standing in his doorway.

 

            “Nice hair.”

 

            A huge smile widened across Josh’s face as his eyes traced over Tyler’s face, his smile growing bigger when his eyes widened in confusion.

 

            “Shit, it’s probably a mess, isn’t it? I don’t remember how but I passed out on the couch a few hours ago. The doorbell doesn’t usually wake me up but I certainly am glad it did so this time.”

 

            Tyler stepped to the side, motioning for Josh to come inside his house, he stepped forward, his eyes looking at the ground and following suit in taking off his shoes at the door. Tyler couldn’t fight smiling at the gesture; most people would walk in without doing so, managing to drive him absolutely crazy in the process.

 

            Thankfully, his mom’s taste in décor wasn’t absolutely awful in this trying time, he turned the corner and fussed with his hair in the massive mirror she had placed to the left side of the otherwise empty bare-walled room. He let out a sigh as he only managed to tame the mess halfway; his hair was absolutely insufferable, as was he. He turned to Josh, nodding at the couch as a silent consent that he was actually allowed to sit down, the boy seemed nervous. It was endearing, so was he.

 

            “Feel free to make yourself at home, my house isn’t too entertaining but that’s certainly why I’m here, to entertain you!- Er, that sounded weirder than I expected it to.” 

 

            He could feel hot red on his cheeks and he brushed a hand through his own hair, settling himself down on the armchair his father always favored. He never understood why, this chair actually felt like sitting on a log in the middle of a forest. Hard, and slightly uncomfortable. His gaze shifted to Josh, watching the way the boy looked around, seeming to take in every single aspect of the room they were in, absolutely mesmerized. It was almost like watching a painting a move. While Josh was mesmerized by the room, Tyler was mesmerized by him. When Tyler came back to, Josh was staring at him, the smile growing across his lips.

 

            “Are you enjoying the view?”

 

            Tyler felt his face metaphorically set fire once again. Josh’s entire face seemed to crinkle up when he smiled, his eyes squinting and barely there dimples peeking out from the corner of his cheeks. He let out a soft groan and leaned his head back, pressing his hand softly to his forehead.

 

            “I’m sorry, I’m so awful with being around new people. I rarely know what to do.”

 

            “Don’t worry about it, I totally understand. I used to be like that too, but also; I’m pretty attractive so I don’t really blame you.”

 

            Tyler looked over at him just in time to watch a quick wink be sent his way.

           

            ---

 

            Tyler was absolutely thrilled that things seemed light between the two of them, that it didn’t seem like they had just met. Frankly, it felt rather like they had met years ago. Everything seemed comfortable and settled. The worry that something was going to go wrong never left his mind, but with the comfortable conversation that now flowed effortlessly between them was distracting him quite successfully. He was enjoying himself more than anything.

 

            Josh’s laughter was like music to his ears, he would honestly love to hear the sounds for the rest of his life. It made him smile until his cheeks hurt and laugh along with him. Josh was absolutely lovely. Tyler never wanted this night to end, but he was saddened at the thought that it would eventually.

 

            “So, I don’t mean to be rude or anything. But didn’t you promise me dinner?”

 

            Tyler let out a loud sigh as he realized that he hadn’t even mentioned to Josh that he had decided against making a proper dinner. He brushed his pants off nonsensically.

 

            “I did promise you that, but it seems that something has gone horribly wrong somewhere along the line. And you have distracted me.”

 

            “That sounds fake. Did you just decide not to make something because you suck at cooking?”

 

            Tyler smiled at the laugh in Josh’s voice, before he nodded and looked down at the counter, playing with his fingers. Josh’s laugh rang through the kitchen, echoing off the walls as he settled himself once again in the seat on the opposite side of the counter from Tyler.

 

            “That’s fine, I would be happy with pizza. As long as you’re around I couldn’t care less.”

 

            Tyler spent an unusual amount of time trying to decipher if that was flirting or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was super short, I apologize sincerely. I needed a distraction from what's going on in my life right now. Well, at least this chapter wasn't absolutely horrible. I tried my best and it is indeed three in the morning, so that's not awful.


	5. Chapter 5

There was one thing that Tyler knew for certain as the sun faded and darker tones took over the light coming through the window. That certain thing was that he absolutely loved Josh’s smile. Whenever he spoke he almost absorbed everything the boy said, laughing when he laughed and smiling wider when he smiled. It was intoxicating, but it was oh so welcome. He noticed that Josh’s face didn’t just crinkle up when he smiled wide; it crinkled around his eyes and his cheeks when he gave off the faintest of smiles, and the slightest of words. He never was able to pry his eyes off of him. 

Conversation was now flowing easily between the pair, and they realized they had more in common than Tyler ever could have imagined. They had the same taste in music, they were both individuals who not only played music but created their own. That was a really rewarding thing to think about, he really hoped that his and Josh’s friendship escalated so they could possibly write something together, maybe even just mess around with a bunch of stuff they’d already created. Anything involving Josh was an intriguing idea to Tyler. He had so many things planned. 

“How long have you lived here?” 

Tyler was a pushed a bit off track at Josh’s question, he wasn’t sure why Josh would care about something as small as that, but he wasn’t going to reject the question completely. He leaned his head against the back of the couch and turned to face Josh, a small smile growing on his face. 

“Well, we’ve been living here at least 8 years. I believe at least. We moved here when I was 10 because my parents needed somewhere that met in the middle of where they worked, which ended up falling through the seam anyway. It didn’t turn out as enjoyable as they planned” 

“What do you mean by that?” 

Tyler let out a soft sigh and fluttered his eyes shut, brushing his hand through his increasingly messy hair. 

“My parents thought it was a good idea to move here because they thought it would work increasingly as a way to bring us together as a family. They thought that we’d have dinners together and be open with each other but, as you can see. It doesn’t look like anybody lives here besides me. I haven’t seen my dad in a month.”

He felt a wave of sadness wash over him but he shook his hands, leaning back into the couch that he sharing with Josh. He didn’t want Josh to dwell on this for too long, but he sure didn’t feel awful sharing this piece of information with him. He never really had a chance to talk about it. Sure, some came out in his music. But nothing really beat completely conversing with another human being about it. 

“I guess I understand. Not fully though, my mom’s around full time. But my dad’s been absent for years. We thought he had gone missing. But that turned out not to be the case. He’d just left and tried to erase his existence from our lives. It was really a horrible situation to live through.” 

“I’m sorry.”

He watched as Josh turned his head towards him, the saddened features that overtook his face fading into a warm, soft smile. 

“Don’t be, but hey.” 

Tyler raised an eyebrow as Josh paused, waiting for him to continue the conversation in absolute anticipation. 

“I guess I showed up at an alright time, you won’t have to be alone anymore. You’ve got me.” 

Tyler felt Josh’s soft hand rest against the top of his, he smiled and looked up. Josh’s eyes were focused completely and unconditionally on his face. Monitoring his emotions through every single facial expression. 

“I think you’re right.” 

Tyler felt as if he had never been more content in his life as Josh repositioned his hand and laced his fingers with Tyler. He took a deep breath and smiled. 

\---

Tyler had eventually ended up putting on a movie for the two of them, something mindless to keep their attention held as conversation dwindled and they fell into a tired state. Within the first twenty minutes of the movie, Tyler felt a soft weight land on his shoulder, as well as the slight tickle of something against his neck. He turned his head gently and let out a soft noise of content as he noticed Josh’s head against his shoulders. He shifted slowly, making sure not to disturb the boy as he moved into a position that would lessen the pain that would likely grow in Josh’s neck. 

He had quite literally met this boy a day ago and he was content enough with him to not flinch away when his head hit his shoulder, he seemed completely and utterly comfortable with him. Comfortable enough that he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around the sleeping boy, gingerly resting his head against the others. Though he felt a slight bit awkward with the given situation in front of them, he was comfortable. Relaxing within a large space was often easier when you weren’t really alone. He appreciated this feeling more than anything. He appreciated Josh in this moment, more than anything. 

Josh stirred slightly in his arms and he felt a slight bubble of anxiety spring forward in his chest. He hoped that Josh wouldn’t wake up and find this situation weird, and fully jump away from it. Shutting the situation down and leaving. He hoped that nothing would turn out wrong and that Josh would find this just as okay, and just as comfortable. He let out a barely audible sigh when he heard Josh let a quiet snore escape from his lips, a smile crossing his own as he fluttered his eyes shut. It didn’t take long for Tyler to soon follow his way through, falling asleep with his head pressed against Josh’s. 

\---

Tyler was never one to be roused from his sleep due to bright lights being shone through his window. So more often than not, he’d sleep further into the afternoon. Without his mother around too often to break him out of his sleep, he wouldn’t wake until his body decided it had had enough. 

This morning was different. Tyler heard a voice in his kitchen, followed by a crash. His eyes flew open quicker than they ever had in his entire life, and he jolted upwards, his eyes darting around the dimly lit space of his living-room. He kicked his legs off the side of the now uncomfortable couch, padding his way towards the direction of the noise. It took him turning the corner and spotting a shirtless Josh standing over his kitchen stove, to remember that he had spent the night over here last night, both of them sleeping peacefully against each other. 

His face reddened at the thought and he cleared his throat, not too loudly so he didn’t spook the man who was very obviously utilizing his kitchen to make himself food. He didn’t really mind though. Nobody had used this kitchen in the longest of times. Josh peeked his head around his shoulder, a wide smile spreading across his face. 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty!” 

His voice was warm and comforting and Tyler nearly felt a chill go down his spine, he padded a few steps over and settled himself in one of the chairs that stood next to the counter, he watched as Josh flipped over a pancake in a large frying pan, the smell was absolutely wonderful and he sighed softly. 

“Good morning to you too.” 

Josh looked towards Tyler after flipping a pancake onto a spare plate, an apologetic expression crossed his face. 

“I’m sorry if it was uncultured of me to make us breakfast, I thought you’d be hungry. After all, you bought me pizza last night, why not actually make you something to pay you back?” 

“Pay me back with my own food.” 

“Exactly.” 

Tyler couldn’t fight off the laugh that built in his chest, he pressed his face to the cool marble of the counter below him. 

“Don’t worry about it, I honestly don’t remember the last time I used this kitchen to make something other than putting a cup of noodles in the microwave. You’re putting it to good use.” 

Tyler absentmindedly traced his fingers across the smooth surface of the counter, his fingers printing invisible designs and recreations of paintings. His breathing was slow and calm, his hearing focused only on what Josh was doing. He looked up from his daze when he saw a plate pushed in front of him. He watched as Josh pulled up a chair directly in front of him, placing his own plate down on the counter. Tyler looked down at the pancakes, noticing flecks of a darker color spread throughout the cake itself. 

“Are those chocolate chips?” 

“Blueberries.” 

“Oh, sorry. I can’t really-“ 

Josh cut him off before he could continue his story, a knowing smile spreading across his face as he slid a fork across the counter to Tyler. Man, he must have spent a while rummaging through the cupboards trying to find everything. 

“I was listening in when you were talking to my mom yesterday, I didn’t want to just barge in through the middle of a conversation. Anyways, I really enjoy listening to you talk. So, I just decided to listen.” 

“Oh. Thank you for not questioning me about it. People always seem to make it like that’s the only redeeming quality at all. Though, it isn’t really that redeeming in the first place.” 

He sighed, picking up the fork and cutting a piece of pancake off using nothing but the edge of the fork. He placed it in his mouth and smiled softly.

“These are extremely good by the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the shitty ending that this chapter had to offer. I completely blanked out at the end but I'm trying my hardest to keep a steady update schedule, which so far I don't think I've gone one day without updating? I absolutely love this story and I'm really excited about it. 
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully have some new events that will add a little more flare to the story! I'm sorry for all the filler I'm adding in, I'm trying to build up the characters and the storyline so I can finish it off well. 
> 
> yell at me on Tumblr if you want  
> http://softheathens.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

            Not long after that, Josh had decided to get headed home. He decided that at one point she was going to get worried and he didn’t really want that.  Tyler was reluctant to be left alone again, but he was fine with it. Josh promised to come over soon, and that was good enough for him. Of course, Tyler didn’t let Josh leave without getting his number first.

 

            Tyler’s shirt was absolutely soaked; he smirked softly to himself as he headed back to the kitchen. Josh and Tyler decided to do the dishes together, which soon ended with them entering into full blown water warfare in the middle of the kitchen. Bubbles soaked the counters, the chairs, and the floors, and it came to a screeching halt when Tyler managed to slip on the ground, sending himself sliding across the kitchen floor.  Laughter escaping his lips as he lay there. Josh was quick to help him off the ground, and he was fully participating in the action of completely drying the kitchen with Tyler. In his opinion, they had made good time. Tyler picked up the dishes they had used at breakfast and stuffed them back into the cupboard, jumping a little bit when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

 

            It took him a minute to fish his phone out of his pocket, and he raised his eyebrows in confusion at the contact name that lit up his phone. “Joshua” followed by four purple heart emoji’s. He rolled his eyes and smiled softly, sliding the iMessage right so he could read it.

 

            **Joshua♥ :** _Hey, it’s Josh. I had a really good time with you last night. Do you want to do something tonight?_

 

            Tyler smiled so wide that his face physically hurt. He lifted himself onto the counter and sat criss-cross against the hard surface. Did he really want to hang out with Tyler already? Tyler was almost certain that Josh would have gotten tired of him by now, but according to this text message he was willing to do it again in a few hours. Tyler seemed a lot more okay with this than he should have. His fingers danced across the keys as he typed a reply.

 

            **Tyler** **:** _I thought you would have gotten sick of me by now, are you sure you actually want a second round tonight?_

Tyler frowned a little bit and slipped his phone back into his pocket, walking across the kitchen and hurrying up the stairs. His back was still sore from sleeping on the significantly small couch. But he couldn’t argue with the sleeping arrangement. It was comfortable and nice, he didn’t think he had ever fallen asleep so quickly in his life. He was sure his ease was because of Josh’s presence. Tyler quickly grabbed his phone out of his pocket upon feeling a second vibration.

 

            **Joshua♥ :** _Babe, I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure._ _I was hoping you could show me around, usually summer nights are the best time to explore._

Tyler felt his cheeks heat up at an unusually quick rate as he read the beginning of the text once, twice, three times.

 

            **Tyler** **:** _Babe?_

 

            **Joshua♥ :** _Shit, sorry_

**Joshua♥ :** _Can I call you that?_

**Joshua♥ :** _I mean_

**Joshua♥ :** _Is that okay?_

Tyler thought about it and smiled, he’d been called babe by people before. But never once had it brought him the feeling that he was currently experiencing. His pulse had quickened and his smile seemed permanently etched to his cheeks. He let out a soft giggle and typed out a reply, hoping to end the conversation soon so he could get ready. It was with sudden realization that he needed, well, wanted; to look good for Josh.

 

 **Tyler** : _I love it. And of course, do you have any place in particular you’d like to see?_

 

            **Joshua♥ :** _Are there any lakes around?_

**Tyler** : _Meet me outside at 7, we can take my car._

**Joshua♥ :** _I’ll see you soon. **♥**_

****

Tyler proceeded to spend the next forty minutes, curled up under his covers; thinking about Josh. He had never been one to attach on to people quickly, as an individual who had experienced nothing but betrayal and loss, you didn’t have much choice than to separate yourself from people. Disconnect your ability to trust them, to hold on to them, to want to see them more than a couple times a week. But, alas. Here Josh was, turning the tables and flipping the books. Rewiring everything Tyler had begun to know, to believe. Within a matter of two days Everything about Josh was intoxicating, from his smile to the way he moved, the way he could tap rhythms on Tyler’s counters that he could almost place names to. He wanted to attach, he didn’t want to let himself push this one away.

 

            He pressed his face into the comfort of his pillows, taking a deep breath through the fabric, inhaling nothing but stale air and the smell of his favorite cologne. He had a good feeling about this one. A feeling that somehow, someway; Josh was going to change something within him for the better.

 

**\- - - -**

Tyler had spent three hours unable to wipe the smile off his face, all of his thoughts no matter how far he tried to wander fell back to Josh. Not that he was complaining, he’d had worse thoughts. Josh seemed to be the best thought he’d ever had. Tyler had been thinking in advance. If he was taking Josh to the lake tonight he was hoping that at some point he would suggest a night swim, or if Josh didn’t he would. He was terrified of open water, but something about the darkness had numbed that feeling down, and he hoped with everything in him that he’d have the chance to share that with Josh. He found his old school backpack, one that had been discarded and thrown to the very back of his closet. He stuffed it with a jacket, a small fleece throw blanket, and two towels.  He also shoved a portable charger for his phone, just in case of course, along with a chocolate bar that he was saving for a better day and this was certainly the best day to utilize this candy bar.

 

            He reached over to grab his phone off the charging dock,  his eyes widening slightly when he noticed the time that was spread out across the screen.  **6:59.** He unplugged his phone from the dock quickly and shoved it into his bag, quickly checking to make sure he looked alright before he slung the heavy bag over his shoulders, grabbing his car keys off his dresser before he dashed down the stairs. With difficulty, he pulled on his favorite pair of vans, making sure the house alarm was on before he unlocked the door and pushed it open. He let out a soft gasp as the door hit Josh directly in the back.

 

            “Oh, my god! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” The words spilled from Tyler’s mouth as his lips stood parted in shock. He felt a large bubble of anxiety fill in his chest and he pressed his hand heavily to his chest, hoping to ease it in the slightest amount. Unsurprisingly, it solved nothing.  Tyler felt an even bigger pang in his chest when Josh let out a laugh; he was more surprised than he was anything else. He cocked his head in confusion as Josh turned around to face him, stepping back a bit.

 

            “Don’t apologize, Ty. It’s fine. I shouldn’t have been standing so close to the door.” A smile stood frozen across his lips as he traced his hand down his right arm, rubbing his shoulder gently as he watched Tyler’s facial expression, his eyes narrowing when he noticed the blatant fear spreading through Tyler’s eyes. He reached forward and placed his hand on Tyler’s shoulder, watching as a look of relaxation came across his features. “Don’t worry about it, you didn’t hurt me, I’m okay.”

 

            Tyler blinked, heat spreading across his cheek as embarrassment spread through his body. He quickly shut the door behind him, making sure it was locked before sending Josh a soft smile. “Anyways, I’m sorry. Quite a greeting isn’t it?” He felt most of his anxiety melt away when Josh smiled, letting his melodic laugh flow into the air around them.

 

            “The best.”

 

            “C’mon, follow me,” Tyler smiled, motioning with his hand for Josh to follow him as he jumped off the two steps that stood in front of the two of them, to giddy to even bother stepping them like a normal human being. He heard a soft laugh escape Josh’s mouth as he followed Tyler across the pavement and to the garage. Tyler pressed a button on his keychain, loud mechanical whirring filling the air as the garage began to open. He hadn’t had a chance to drive in a long time. He simply had nobody to go with, driving was incredibly boring when you had nobody along with you. 

 

            “Dude, that’s a nice car.” Josh’s voice sounded incredibly surprised as he stepped into the garage. Tyler watched as he gently traced his hands across the side of his vehicle, smiling in Josh’s amazement to the car that had been passed down to him by his father. Tyler knew for a fact that his car was beautiful; after all, it was practically a collector. It was a sleek black 1969 Camaro, his father’s pride and joy. “It used to be my dad’s; he passed it on to me as an 18th birthday present. I’m pretty sure I love it more than I love my family.”

 

            “No shit, dude. I would too.” Tyler smirked and strode over, unlocking his door and reaching over the middle to unlock Josh’s too. He carefully opened the door and slid in beside Tyler, his eyes scanning over every surface in amazement.

 

            “I’ve always wanted to be inside one of these. It’s better than I could have ever imagined.”

 

            “Do you want to drive it?” Tyler asked, his eyes scanning Josh’s face. A loud laugh escaped Tyler’s lips as he watched Josh’s mouth fall open. Tyler could compare his face to when he let his 4-year-old niece step inside of a candy shop with him. Josh seemed to be full of pure, childish joy.

 

            “Dude, are you kidding me? I’d love to drive it. It’d honestly make almost all of my childhood dreams come true.” His voice raised a few octaves, adding to the already existent factor of Tyler deeming him adorable. Tyler stuck the key in the ignition and smiled back at Josh, putting the car into reverse and beginning to back out.

 

            “Good. I probably should have said something earlier but I assumed that you’d be okay with it so I didn’t deem in necessary. Perks of being colorblind being that I practically cannot see at night, since the sun hasn’t gone down yet I’m completely capable of getting us to our destination, but I might need a little bit of your help to get us back down here.” He let out a light chuckle and slid his hands across the steering wheel, navigating himself out of the garage and onto the road leading out of their cul-de-sac.

 

            “Tyler, I would be honored to help get us back down here.”

 

\----

            Josh was more than thrilled to work the radio the entire drive, Tyler was quite pleased with the way that Josh treated his car like it was the finest thing in the entire universe, as if he was terrified that he was going to physically wound the thing if he touched it too hard. It was amusing, but most of all it was adorable.

 

            Tyler thought they made good timing with the arrival to their destination, there were barely any cars on the roads which is unusual for a Saturday night. The streets were usually crowded with people out for night drives or returning home from nights out, but today it was completely silent. Not that Tyler was complaining, of course. He actually preferred it. He smiled softly as he looked over at Josh, his eyes were scanning the area before he unlocked his door and stepped out, stretching his arms over his head. Tyler averted his eyes the second Josh’s stomach became exposed, afraid he was going to get caught in the act of so tentatively staring at Josh’s lower body. He quickly reached into the back and pulled out his backpack, pressing it into his lap as he slung his own door open, shoving his keys into his pocket as he stepped out into the gravel of the small parking lot.

 

            Another perk about going to the lake just before the sun was going to set, was that everybody had most likely gathered all of their things and headed home. Which was exactly the sight that stood in front of the two boys, not a single car stood parked within the lot, “This is already beautiful and we haven’t even seen the lake yet.”

 

            Tyler looked over at Josh as he kicked rocks in the direction of the trees, smiling softly as he watched Josh’s movements. Everything he did was so fluid and nice, and he felt like he could look at Josh for ages without getting bored. “You’re not wrong, everything about this area is beautiful.”

 

            “Especially you.”

 

            It took Tyler a few minutes to process what had just been spoken to him, and the speed at which heat rose to his cheeks almost seemed unreasonable. His heart sped up in his chest and he pressed a firm palm to his chest, a huge smile crossing his face as he slowly looked over at Josh. Josh’s face was pulled into a smile, his eyes crinkled in a way that almost had Tyler melting into the gravel beneath his feet. He glanced towards the pathway that led to the lake, before glancing at Josh with a smirk across his face.

 

            “I bet I could beat you to the water.”

 

            Josh didn’t have time to respond before Tyler had already taken off down the trail, his backpack hitting loudly against his back. Josh had no other choice but to dash after the boy, significantly far behind.

 

\----

 

            The breaths that escaped Tyler’s lungs when he finally reached the sand of the beach were ragged and heavy, he leaned over and placed his hands on his knees as he tried desperately to return his breathing to normal. He was incredibly out of shape, but the realization that he had beat Josh had kept a smile on his face. He heard Josh’s frantic footsteps follow behind him, and a few seconds later Josh settled himself beside Tyler, his breathing just as heavy and stuttered, but his vision stuck completely on the lake.

 

            Tyler couldn’t help to take a minute to admire Josh’s features. Everything about him seemed perfect in front of the lake that they stood in front of. Josh’s smile was gentle and barely there, but the lines in his face still shone through, and the wind blowing through the trees messed up his hair and somehow managed to make him look even more attractive. Tyler felt that most of his night was going to be spent looking at Josh. Josh’s gaze turned from the waves to Tyler. “You were right, this was much more beautiful than I ever would have expected it to be.

 

            Tyler smiled, stepping forward and motioning Josh to follow after him. Tyler drove him to the old dock, the one that had been here for years. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walked. He could feel Josh’s footsteps mirror his own as he walked across the nearly-rotted wood “My brother used to take me here all the time. When he was able to drive and I was still really young. It was nice, we spent almost every day of every summer here when he still lived with us.”

 

            “I understand why. I’d want to do the same thing too if I had lived this close while I was younger. Although, I wouldn’t have really had anybody to go with.” Tyler watched Josh frown a bit and frowned with him, understanding that Josh probably felt alone as a child. From what Josh had told him last night, he was an only child. He spent most of his time alone and never enjoyed any of it, which turned him into a complete extrovert when it came to being around people.

 

            Tyler decided that it might be best to shift the point of the conversation over. He wasn’t so much afraid of making Josh upset, but he just didn’t want the taller boy to dwell on the situation longer than he had to. Thinking too much always had its negative consequences, and usually once you think of something negative it’s hard to break your thoughts from it. “I don’t know if you’re going to want to, but I brought towels and stuff, the air’s not too cold so from experience I assume the water’s not going to be either. I’m probably going to swim and if you want to I’d be totally down for you joining me.”

 

            Tyler kicked off his shoes, slipping his socks off his feet and placing them inside the holes of his shoes so he wouldn’t lose them. He rolled his jeans up to his mid-calf and positioned himself on the edge of the dock, allowing his feet to slip into the lukewarm water. Josh followed suit, pulling his jeans up to his knees and settling himself quite close to Tyler, not that the younger boy minded at all. “Did you bring a swimsuit then, or are you just wearing it underneath?”

 

            “That’s what boxers are for, my dude.” He sent a soft wink at Josh before letting a soft smile spread across his face. He looked towards the direction of the sun, his perception of the light was always confusing, but that didn’t mean the sun didn’t hurt his eyes, just because he could stare at it without squinting wasn’t exactly a good thing. He averted his eyes and blinked harshly, trying to get the white spots to fade from his vision.

 

            “You and I think alike, Joseph.”

 

            At this point, Tyler was wishing that he had the common sense to bring a drink along with them, but in his dazed rush, he had completely forgotten. Of course, he could live until he got home without a drink. But it was certainly something he was desiring as he felt his throat begin to dry up. He was incredibly nervous, and he couldn’t quite place the reasoning behind that appropriately. He found himself scooting closer to Josh subconsciously. Josh didn’t bat an eyelid when their arms touched each other, and he seemed to even lean into it. Tyler smiled wide.

 

            Comfortable silence coated the area around them as the sun began to fall behind the mountaintops. The wind through the trees and the waves against the shore were the only sounds that surrounded the two of them, and soon enough he found his head placed against Josh’s shoulder. Josh wrapped his arm around Tyler’s waist and pulled him closer, leaning his head on top of Tyler’s, causing a soft laugh to leave Tyler’s lips.

 

            The urge to kiss Josh became overwhelming. He couldn’t control the way his body was reacting to the taller man holding him tightly against his side. He felt so comfortable, so warm, and he just wanted to try it. Wanted to see if he could feel even closer to the man beside him than he already did. He lifted his head, causing Josh to remove his head from Tyler’s. He looked at the smaller boy with a look of confusion in his eyes, his eyes scanning Tyler’s face as if to make sure nothing was wrong. “Are you o-“

 

            “I want to kiss you.”

 

            Tyler’s face went hot as he maintained eye contact with Josh, watching as his eyes widened and his lips went tight before he fell soft and a warm smile spread across them. Josh’s hand rose from his side, pressing against Tyler’s cheek. His thumb swiped across his soft skin as he leaned in. Time slowed down as his eyes fluttered close, Tyler’s falling in sync as he felt Josh’s soft lips press against his own.

 

            Tyler had kissed many people before in his life, but nothing had ever felt quite like this. His stomach had erupted into storms of butterflies and he lost his breath somewhere in his throat. He slowly slid his hand up Josh’s back to gently rest in his hair. He felt as if fireworks had been set off in his chest, no matter how cliché that sounded, it was real, it was what he was feeling, and it was absolutely amazing.

 

            Tyler fought off a soft whine as Josh pulled away from his lips, but as he flicked his eyes open he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. A gasp escaped his lips and his eyes widened. As if he was watching an artist paint in front of him, he was overwhelmed with foreign colors in his vision. He pressed both of his hands to Josh’s face, feeling the heat underneath Josh’s skin, but also seeing the mixture of different tones against his skin, the grey and black faded into nothingness until there wasn’t anything but light.

 

            “Tyler, are you okay?”

 

            Tyler felt tears brimming in his eyes. He smiled and nodded, an ecstatic laugh escaping his lips as he ran his fingers through Josh’s hair, across his t-shirt. His eyes scanning every color that he had never had the pleasure of seeing before in his life. He let out a soft noise as tears began to fall from his eyes. Josh gasped, pulling Tyler closer and scanning every inch of his face. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

 

            “W-What color are your eyes?” Tyler’s voice shook as he tried to force the words out, fighting back the sob that threatened to escape. He ran his fingers across Josh’s features, studying the way the light shone a different color on his face than just white. He sniffled loudly and waited for Josh to respond.

 

            “They’re brown sweetheart, what’s going on?” Josh ran his fingers across Tyler’s cheeks, wiping the tears away as gently as he could.

 

            “I can see them, I can finally see. They’re so beautiful. You’re so beautiful.”

 

            He leaned forward and buried his face against Josh’s chest, his tears slipping out at a heavy rate as laughter and sobs filled the air around them. Josh ran his fingers gently through Tyler’s hair, a smile spread across his face and a soft laugh escaping him.

 

            “My kiss must be magic.” Tyler sniffed beneath him, letting out a soft laugh and burying his face deeper in his chest.

 

            “It was, it is, you are.”

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry that it took me a few days to update. I'm pretty sure I'm going through the 8 stages of fucking grief right now over one of the dumbest things ever. I haven't really been able to connect properly or long enough to produce something. But I think this chapter went really nicely. It made me cry like a binch while writing the end haha. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope this makes up for my absence! 
> 
> Scream at me on tumblr if you want!!  
> softheathens.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

            Tyler leaned against Josh’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as he tried to connect to what was going on around him once again. The colors were so vibrant, so breathtaking, that he felt as if his mind was going to explode. He sighed as he felt Josh’s gentle hands brushing through his hair, humming softly as if to calm Tyler down, he focused on trying to catch his breath before he spoke. His eyes tracing over the sunset as he squinted the light away. “What colors are around the sun, I can see four, but I don’t know what they are.”

 

            Tyler could practically hear Josh smile, and he gently pushed Tyler up into a sitting position to allow him to grab the smaller boy’s hand, pointing his fingers in the direction of each color. “Closest around the sun, there’s a dark orange, to the left of that there’s a bright pink, fading into a dark purple, and the glow that the entirety of it is giving off is a soft yellow.”

 

            Tyler took this opportunity to lace his fingers with Josh’s, leaning against him slightly as he gripped on to his hand with every ounce of strength that he had within him. “I can’t believe how beautiful this is-, I’m sorry for crying, I probably look like the biggest loser in the entire universe. It’s just, it’s been eighteen years and I can finally see colors.”

 

            He took a deep breath, forcing the tears not to escape his eyes as he watched the colors meld and mesh around the moon, he kicked the water softly, watching as the translucent drops raised to the air and then fell back into the larger body of water. The happiness coursing through his body was absolutely incredible, he couldn’t remember any moment of his life making him feel just like this. He was almost sure that it had everything to do with the boy beside him, who was watching his every move with an intense interest.

 

            “Sh, you’re beautiful. I don’t care if you cry. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t almost follow suit.” Tyler looked up at Josh, gazing at him through squinted eyes. His vision was still stuffy and clouded from staring at the sunset for too long. Josh just smiled and swiped his thumb across Tyler’s cheek, washing away any remaining wetness that stood dormant on the softened skin. Tyler leaned his face into his touch and smiled softly, his eyes swiping over every single feature of Josh’s physique. “What color is your shirt?”

 

            Josh let out a soft laugh and tugged at the hem of his shirt, looking back up at Tyler and smiling. “It’s a dark green, like the trees back there in the forest.”

 

            Tyler looked over his shoulder, watching the trees that had recently become shrouded in the darkness of the night, he could slightly see the dark undertones of the green despite the darkness, and he felt his heart soar. He was able to see beauty in the world around him before, but it used to be laid out in textures, shapes and the motions of things. His connectors could never range through colors, and he couldn’t believe that after so long, something new, bright and wonderful had entered into his life.

 

            Josh had brought him the colors he’d been waiting for his entire life.

 

`----

 

            When the sun had set completely, Tyler had escaped Josh’s arms. Standing up, his wet feet leaving footprints against the pale wood. Without a word he had completely slipped his jeans off, dropping them to the ground beside his shoes. He was completely ready to finally dive into the water. The sun illuminated the soft waves of the shore and he was completely mesmerized. He smiled when Josh pulled himself up completely, following Tyler’s actions and dropping his jeans beside Tyler’s. Josh leaned over to press a soft kiss to Tyler’s cheek, but before his lips could touch Tyler’s skin, Tyler pushed him off the dock.

 

            His muffled yell was cut short by a large splash, and Tyler’s body became entirely consumed in laughter, his mouth frozen in an open-mouthed smile as he waited for Josh to surface. He looked back up at the moon as he heard Josh’s head make an entrance through the break in the water, his heavy breathing filling the air as he made a soft noise of distaste. What Tyler certainly did not expect, was Josh’s strong arms wrapping around his ankles; pulling him into the water with him. He crashed beneath the water, just managing to halt his breathing before he felt his body completely submerged. He kicked his body back up to the surface, breaking out with a gasp and a loud laugh. “Fair game.”

 

            The water wasn’t too incredibly cold, but it was certainly chilly. Tyler felt a soft chill spread down his spine and he shivered, wrapping his arms around himself as he floated silently within the water. He let a soft giggle escape his lips as Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s waist, pulling him closer to him as they floated, watching the moon rise further in the sky. Josh pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s temple, smiling when Tyler turned around in his arms, leaning down to press a kiss to his awaiting lips.

 

            “I don’t want you to go home tonight.” He leaned against Josh’s shoulder, kicking his legs against Josh’s, smiling at the feeling the water brought between the two of them. He never wanted Josh to leave his presence, everything about him was so wonderful. He lit up the room and certainly painted his world. He pressed a kiss to Josh’s nose and laughed softly when his nose crinkled and his eyes fluttered closed.

 

            “I don’t have to you know, I could stay with you again tonight if you really wanted me to. I know that I wouldn’t mind spending another night with you.” His smile was bright, beautiful. His face was illuminated by the soft glow of the sun and Tyler couldn’t stop himself from stroking his fingers across his cheek and down his chin, gazing at him with a softened look.

 

            “Would you really? You’ve only been living next door for like, three days. Don’t you have more stuff to unpack, time to spend with your mother? Anything?” Tyler asked, sweeping Josh’s damp hair from his face as they floated through the shallow water. He was sure their feet could touch the rocks below them, but neither seemed too inclined to reach their legs out further to feel for them. They were enjoying the water that flowed gently around them. Josh let out a laugh and leaned his forehead against Tyler’s.

 

            “Now it seems like you’re trying to get rid of me. I helped my mom unpack everything that she needed help with; everything at my place is pretty much sorted. I think she’s more than thrilled that I’m spending time with somebody who actually seems interested in being around me.” Tyler cocked his head as he reached down to press his feet firmly to the rocks below him.

 

            “Have other people not shown interested in being around you?”

 

            Josh shook his head and followed, his head showing up a bit higher than Tyler’s due to the small height difference. He pressed a kiss to Tyler’s head and brushed the damp hair from his face.

 

            “Not really. I’ve had a lot of shitty friendships and relationships, most of them just wanting me for their own convenience. My mom always saw through all that, she knew what they were doing but I ignored her because I was too full of my own selfish pride. She doesn’t see that in you, she thinks you’re wonderful.” Tyler felt a warm smile spread across his face as he leaned into Josh’s chest, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing his collarbone.

 

            “I couldn’t imagine using you for my own personal gain; honestly, I’m even surprised you’re here in the first case. For the most part, all that stuff has been the same for me.” He sighed and traced his fingers across Josh’s back softly, he nearly yelped as a breeze went by, sending cold shivers down his back and across his body.

 

            “Do you want to go back to my car? I brought a blanket and stuff, we could turn the heat on and listen to the radio if you want.” He sounded unsure as he pulled back to look up at Josh, hoping he didn’t mind leaving the water so soon. Josh, smiled down at Tyler, sliding his hand to grab Tyler’s.

 

            “I’d do anything as long as it’s with you.”

 

\----

 

            Tyler didn’t remember falling asleep in the back of his car while the radio played in the background, and he certainly didn’t remember Josh buckling him in and taking over his position in the front seat, fishing Ty’s keys from the bottom of the backpack to drive the two of them home. He didn’t remember Josh carrying him from the car, struggling with the task of not only carrying Tyler but unlocking the door at the same time. But there was one thing he knew for certain as Josh placed him down onto the soft cushions of his mattress; Josh had managed to do all of that without waking him up once.

 

            Through blurry eyes he watched as Josh turned towards the door, he let out a soft whine and grabbed his hand, pulling weakly as Josh turned around to face him. He mumbled sleepily and readjusted himself before opening his eyes up wider. “I said I didn’t want you to go home tonight.”

 

            Josh looked down at Tyler’s pouting face and couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across his lips, he kneeled down onto the bed for a moment, running his fingers through Tyler’s barely damp hair as he pressed a kiss to the very top of his head. Tyler made a noise of content and leaned into his lips, causing Josh to let out a soft laugh and kiss him again. “I’m just going to check in with my mom, her phone hasn’t adjusted to the network yet so I can’t text her to let her know I’m staying over here again tonight.”

 

            Tyler let out a soft noise of what he deemed was approval, and he ran his thumbs softly over the sleepy boy’s knuckles, pressing a small kiss to his nose. “Promise you’ll come back?”

 

            “I promise.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, it's not letting me edit my tags for the whole story, which I fully intended to make sure was working before I posted this chapter. 
> 
> There's aspects of Tyler's depression/mental illness filled throughout this entire chapter, originally I didn't intend to make something like this happen in the story at all, but it just kind of worked out that way. Tyler's depression is molded after the way my brain reacts to situations such as these, I'm really glad I could connect myself to a character like this. 
> 
> There's described self-harm in this chapter. It's not very long but it's there and obviously, as somebody who has self-harmed over my years, I know that it's important to not hurt people through my writing, especially through this. There's a "|-/" At the beginning and the end of it. Please be safe.
> 
> Also, I didn't proofread this chapter because my anxiety is really bad and I keep having auditory hallucinations, so I'm going to finish doing that when this passes. Thank you for bearing with me.

Tyler Joseph was absolutely exhausted.

 

            Tyler had been absolutely fine the morning he woke up wrapped inside Josh’s arms, his head pressed softly to the larger man’s chest, and his arms wrapped tightly around Josh’s waist. He was happy. He pressed small kisses to Josh’s face, at first not waking him up. He ran his hands through the multi-toned colors of Josh’s hair, all dark, none bright, but different tones nonetheless. He pressed a soft kiss to his eyelid, causing a soft noise to escape Josh’s nose before his eyes fluttered open. Josh hadn’t been awake for two minutes and he was already smiling. Tyler smiled back with the same intensity, snuggling against his chest and inhaling the scent of Josh that surrounded the mountain range of his blankets and his clothing. Everything was good, he kissed Josh until he was certain the man was fully awake. None of them complained, everything felt right, felt okay. Sweet, not sour. Perfect, and unbelievably improving.

 

            That was two weeks ago.

 

            But since then, everything seemed to have changed.

 

            It had nothing to do with his blossoming relationship with Josh of course, but Tyler’s mind had a habit of twisting good things into nightmares. He self-sabotaged, fell deep into depressions and struggled to keep his head afloat. IIt was as if his brain was split into two parts, the rational, and the irrational. On one hand, the rational side allowed him to understand that this was just another bad moment, another wave crashing into shore that was sure to recede within time, just a bad flash, a blue moment. And then, we introduce the irrational. The irrational brain was manic, staggered. Tyler had no control over his irrational brain, and it was the one who pushed itself forth the most. Convincing him that he didn’t deserve love, convincing him that every sense of self he had built up was false, he was _horrible_.

 

            Tyler was falling away, and there was nothing inside of him that wanted to do such a thing, but there was also nothing inside of him convincing him that he deserved any less. Nothing inside of him told him to fight the fog in his brain, push it back and make it evaporate into nothingness. So, he just laid there. For days upon days, curled into the confines of his room; the door shut tightly. He was waiting, he was waiting for something to give him the motivation to pull him out of bed, bring a smile to his face. He barely felt the small glimmer of hope that spread through his chest as he caught sight of his forgotten phone at the corner of his, blue, no, green rug. He reached down off the edges of his bed, managing to grasp the corner of the device in his fingertips. He hoped there was still charge in this thing; he really didn’t have much energy to hunt down his charger right now.

 

            He pressed the circular home button, almost cringing at the coldness of the hard screen. He rolled over onto his back as the screen sprung to life, pulling an actual cringe to the surface as he squinted at the bright screen.

 

_10 missed calls - Joshua **♥**_

**Joshua♥: Tyler?**

**Joshua♥: Ty, are you alright?**

**Joshua♥: Sweetheart, if you need space for a bit please just tell me.**

**Joshua♥: I miss you.**

Tyler could practically feel the anxiety within him building until it felt as if his heart was going to spontaneously combust, and he wished that it was in a good way. But this, unfortunately, was really bad. He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his fist to his forehead as he let out a shuddered sigh. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. He’ll leave if you make him worry, he’ll leave you. Doesn’t everybody leave you, Tyler? He’s no exception._ He bit into his knuckle hard, using the fingertip sensor on his phone to unlock the device. He doesn’t think twice before tapping Josh’s contact and pressing the call button.

 

            The phone rang once before the line connected, and Tyler felt his heart beat out of his chest. It was almost as if Josh had been waiting for this call to come through, something about that made his body feel achy. _Or maybe he was just using his phone, idiot._ Tyler pushed his thoughts away and sighed heavily when he heard Josh’s voice pass through the speaker, his breath caught in his throat and he took a deep breath.

 

            “Tyler?” His voice sounded panicked, but not at all angry, nothing signaled that Josh was upset with Tyler in any way. He could feel his pulse steady down to a regular rate while he looked at the bright poster that stood directly across from him.

 

            “Can you come over?” Tyler’s voice whispered back at Tyler, the sound rough and broken. He shook his head and wanted to scream for sounding so fragile, so distressed, but he pushed it away and bit his lip. He was surprised that the action didn’t draw blood because of how hard he dug his teeth into the soft flesh.

 

            “I’ll be there in a minute.”

 

            There was one thing that was certain when Tyler dropped the phone into the green and gray comforter of his bed. He was falling hopelessly and desperately in love with the boy next door. But, Tyler seemed to be afraid of heights.

 

\----

            It barely took three minutes before Josh was standing outside Tyler’s door, knocking softly against the hardwood. Tyler had counted every second. _Two minutes, 23 seconds._ He was sure that somewhere that might have been considered weird, to count every second it took until your boyfriend showed up at your door, but Tyler needed the distraction. He barely let out a soft ‘come in’ before Josh pushed the door open, his eyes worried and his smile nowhere to be found.

 

            He quickly paced over to Tyler’s bed, sitting down at the edge as Tyler looked up at him. Josh’s eyes softened as they scanned Tyler’s face, noticing that something was wrong. “Are you okay?”

            Tyler looked up at Josh, his eyes misty and his lips pulled tightly into a frown. He almost had the audacity to nod, to say that he was fine and push everything away and just ask him to come lay down with him for a bit, just a few hours. But at the last moment, he shook his head, his eyes filling with unwanted tears as he looked down at his lap, scratching softly at the backs of his hands. Without a word Josh pulled Tyler against his chest and held him tightly.

 

            Josh didn’t know how to put in place his feelings; he brushed his fingers softly through Tyler’s hair as he allowed the boy to cry against his chest. He pressed soft kisses to his head, whispering soft words of kindness against his hair as he gently traced his hands across Tyler’s back, hoping to calm him down the slightest amount. He didn’t flinch when he felt Tyler’s tears soaking through his shirt; he just pulled him closer and wrapped the blankets around the both of them, deciding to hum a soft tune to soften the air around him.

 

            Tyler felt disgusting, he had ignored the man holding him against his chest for four days, yet he had still come. Come without a hint of anger, a small signification that he was uncomfortable, or unwilling. Tyler did not deserve it, his hands balled into fists around pieces of Josh’s shirt, his sobs falling from his lips broken and stuttered. He wished he could shut up, he wished he could stop the tears from falling; he wished he could fight this off and kiss his boyfriend and smile, and be fucking happy. But he couldn’t do that, nothing could satiate the demon inside of him thirsting for Tyler’s pain and suffering. But he certainly, could not do this alone.

 

            Tyler had managed to curl himself into a ball on Josh’s lap, he didn't remember when he’d crawled this close to Josh, but there was nothing in his body telling him that it wasn’t okay. Josh even seemed to be encouraging it. Tyler finally gained the courage to look up into his boyfriend’s eyes, his eyebrows were furrowed in worry and he wanted to start crying again. He didn’t deserve Josh’s worry, he didn’t deserve Josh. Josh raised a hand to Tyler’s face, wiping the tears from his face and pressing a soft kiss to his nose. Josh allowed a smile to cross his face when Tyler leaned his face into Josh’s palm.

 

            “Are you alright, baby?” Tyler’s heart began to race when the pet name escaped from Josh’s lips, he pressed a kiss to Josh’s palm and leaned his head against his shoulder.

 

            “I’m sorry. I-“

 

            “Babe, please don’t apolo-“

 

            “Please, J. Let me apologize, I need to apologize. I’m sorry for ignoring you for the past few days. My head was getting too loud, I couldn’t focus. I felt drained, my body is sore and achy and I haven’t even moved. My brain is sick and I shouldn’t be taking that out on you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had no motivation to tell you how I was, I shouldn’t have ignored you. I should have told you how I was doing but I was scared, I was-“ Tyler cut himself off when he began to once again become hysterical, he angrily wiped the tears out of his eyes and let out a sigh, coming out more as a sob much to his dismay.

 

            Josh rubbed Tyler’s shoulder gently, whispering a soft shush before pressing a barely there kiss to his forehead. Tyler slid his hand down and wrapped his fingers around Josh’s holding on to him tightly as if when he let go Josh would float up into the sky and never return back down, he sniffed softly and wiped his eyes with his free hand. Josh’s thumb rubbed soft circles on the back of Tyler’s hand, he smiled softly at the feeling.

 

            “Why were you scared?”

 

            Tyler swallowed, leaning his face even closer to Josh’s neck. “I was scared you were going to leave. I was scared you were going to see me like _this_ , and leave.” He motioned to himself and then looked into a dark corner of his room, trying to force the tears to slow themselves down and not fall from the corners in his eyes.

 

            “Tyler, look at me.”

 

            Josh gently placed his fingers against Tyler’s face, dropping his tight hold he had on the other’s smaller hand. He pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s nose before looking at him completely, “I’m never going to leave you because you have stuff going on inside your head, and nothing can stop me from loving you and treating you with every ounce of kindness that I have to offer. You are an angel and you are the best thing that’s happened to me. I am here right now to help you get back up. I’m not just here for the smiling Tyler, I’m here for the weak Tyler, the crying Tyler, I’m here for the exhausted Tyler, the angry Tyler, and I am here for every face you front, _no matter how blurry they may be_.”

 

            Tyler didn’t say a word before grabbing Josh’s face and pulling his lips to his own.

 

\----

 

            They had sat in silence for god knows how long; Josh’s fingers are carding softly through Tyler’s short hair. They haven’t spoken in a while, just shared small kisses and noises of approval. Nothing more was needed, and nothing less was expected. “Hey, Ty?”

 

            Tyler looks up at Josh in curiosity, a small smile formed across his lips. He could still feel a pit of emptiness in his chest, telling him that he wasn’t fully okay. But that was okay, Josh was here and he knew he was safe, he knew his mind couldn’t force him to do anything he didn’t want to. He was safe.

 

            “When’s the last time you showered; or ate for that matter?”

 

            “Um, Thursday. For both of those things.”

            Tyler let out a loud squeak as Josh lifted him up, slipping off the bed and practically throwing Tyler over his shoulders. Tyler gripped on to the back of Josh’s ripped t-shirt and let out a loud laugh before he refrained from kicking his legs just in case he accidentally kicked Josh in the face, which could lead to Josh dropping him. Something that he certainly wanted to avoid at all costs. Josh walked down the hallway, his bare feet padding across the floor as he walked towards the bathroom. Tyler let out a loud groan as Josh placed him in the doorway, his feet touching the cold granite and sending a shiver through his spine.

 

            “You’re going to shower, first of all. And I’m going to get my ass downstairs, and I’m going to figure out something to make you for lunch.” Josh pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s forehead, turning on his heel and jogging down the stairs without a second word.

 

            Well, Tyler supposed he’d just have to shower then.

 

\----

|-/

 

            The warm body rushed over Tyler’s body, calming him but at the same time chilling him to the bone. He stood there for a long while, staring at the wall while the all-too-warm water rushed down his back, leaving red stains of skin down his back and shoulders. He decided eventually that he should actually clean his body.

 

            He turned to face the shower, reaching up to pull his bottle of conditioner off the shelf of the edge of the bathtub. He let out a gasp as a tiny piece of metal fell from the bottom of the container, clattering to the bottom of the tub and landing in a puddle of water. _His blade._ He took a deep breath, his whole body going rigid as he reached down to pull it off the ground; he turned the showerhead away from his face, twisting the thin metal around within his fingers.

 

            He thought about how much he missed the bittersweet sting of the blade against his skin, the satisfying feeling he felt as the blood dripped from his wrist. _Do it._ He flinched, the deep voice sending shivers down his spine as he stared intently at the tiny piece of metal that was entitled to doing so much damage. _Do it, do it, do it._ He let out a noise of distress, leaning against the cold tile of the wall, running his free hand across his face and down his neck. _One wouldn’t hurt Tyler, neither would two._

The voice wasn’t wrong. He looked at the blade and then down at his frail arm, he took a deep breath. He raised the blade to his skin, tracing softly, before pressing down as much as he needed to warrant a feeling. He let out a soft gasp and allowed his head to fall back, he watched as the blood began to leak from his wrist and drop slowly along with the water to the bottom of the tub.

 

            When the pain became annoying rather than relieving, that was when Tyler realized he had made a mistake. He threw the blade out of his hands, the sharp metal hitting the wall with a high pitched ‘ting’. He forced his arm underneath the showerhead, wincing as the water rushed into the open wound. He bit his lip hard and hit his head not-so-gently against the tile wall. He could hear a faint laughing in the back of his mind, he pulled at his hair. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.”

 

            He whispered violently to himself, balling his hands into fists and digging his nails into the palms of his hands. “Fuck, fuck.” He let out a sharp hiss as he knelt at the bottom of the tub, allowing the water to run over him without a second thought. He had given up cleaning himself, what was the point of showering if all it was going to do was cause him to make himself dirty again? _Josh would never love the scar that’s going to leave sweetheart, good going._ The static inside his head only got louder.

 

            Tyler felt as if he couldn’t breathe. 

 

|-/

 

\----

 

            Josh waited downstairs for fifteen whole minutes, the grilled cheese that he had pulled together for Tyler lay abandoned in the middle of the kitchen table. He paced the floor of the kitchen, feeling the cold stone at the base of his feet with every step he took. It was quiet, all too quiet. He wasn’t even sure he heard the shower anymore. He dashed towards the stairs and paused his movements at the foot of the stairwell, listening intently for any sign of Tyler moving around or getting out of the shower. To his dismay, nothing could be heard. He pressed his palm to his forehead and leaned his head against the wall, he didn’t want to run up and find out that he was just being an overprotective boyfriend.

 

            His head jolted up when he heard a loud bang, and he took this as an opportunity to dash up the stairs. He forgot which door was the bathroom for a moment before he checked back into reality. He rapped lightly on the door, pressing his ear to the door. The water had stopped running, and there was nothing but silence and the slow dripping of a turned off tap. He knocked again when he received no reply.

 

            “Tyler, honey.”

 

            “Tyler?”

 

            Josh felt his body fill with a panic that was unknown to even himself, and he pressed himself against the door further. Trying to listen to anything, the sound of Tyler moving, the slightest noise. When he heard a soft echo resonate throughout the bathroom and against the soft door, he opened it completely and made his way inside.

 

\----

 

            The static inside of Tyler’s head was so loud that he didn’t even hear Josh knocking. He barely noticed Josh’s existence until he stepped inside of the bathtub beside Tyler, picking up the blade from the bottom of the tub and stepping out again, assumedly to throw it in the trash. Tyler wasn’t complaining, he needed that thing away from him. Josh came back, but this time, he leaned forward, grabbing both of Tyler’s hands and helping the shaky feeling boy stand up. He helped Tyler out of the bathtub and immediately wrapped the boy in a towel. He gently pressed a kiss to Tyler’s forehead when he realized that Tyler was covering his ears, trying to block something out. He grabbed his hands within his own and pressed kisses to both of his knuckles.

 

 “You’re going to be alright sweetheart. I’ve got you. You’re going to be fine.” Josh noticed the blood dripping from Tyler’s forearm and his eyes widened before he fell into immediate rescue mode. Josh gently pulled Tyler over to the sink, running the cold water for a few seconds to make sure it actually was cold before he gently pulled his arm under the spout. Cold water would restrict the blood vessels and help stop the bleeding.

 

            “Stay here, baby.” Tyler felt himself beginning to break down at the kindness he was receiving; he gripped heavily onto the edge of the sink, trying to keep himself standing upright. He forced the tears out of his eyes as he listened to the muffled sounds of Josh rummaging through the bathroom cupboards. He returned back with a bottle of antibacterial cream and a roll of bandages that Tyler was sure would have had to be at the very back of that cupboard. Tyler winced slightly as Josh flicked off the water and squeezed a bit of the cream onto his index finger. Josh grabbed Tyler’s wrist and gently rubbed the cream against the wound, not hesitating before he grabbed the bandages and wrapped it around his wrist a few times, cutting it off and tucking it into place.

 

            Tyler broke down into sobs when Josh lifted his arm to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the bandage.

 

            Tyler could not care a bit at this moment in time that he was naked, it was not affecting him and Josh didn’t seem to care one bit. He sprung forward and wrapped his arms around Josh’s waist, Josh pulled him closer without hesitation, whispering soft words of comfort against Tyler’s shoulder. “’m sorry, ‘m sorry.”

 

            Tyler whispered apologies against Josh’s shoulder, his voice broken and cracked. He was incredibly relieved when the static finally faded from his mind, breaking into the soft sound of Josh’s voice and the sound of the tap dripping behind them. “Don’t apologize, Ty. Please, you have nothing to be sorry for, it’s okay.”

 

            “C’mon baby, let’s go get you some clothes,” Josh whispered, pulling away from the hug and pressing a soft kiss to the top of Tyler’s head. He reached out a hand for Tyler to grab a hold of and Tyler gave a weak smile, tying the towel around his waist before looking up at Josh and grabbing his hand.

 

         


	9. Chapter 9

            Tyler allowed Josh to drag him back to his room, his body felt like it was floating through the hallways and he wasn’t exactly sure how to deal with such of thing. He gripped Josh’s hand tighter as they turned into his room; Josh pulled him over to the bed, sitting him down before turning around to rummage through Tyler’s drawers to find him a set of comfortable clothes for him to relax in. Tyler pressed his hand to his forehead, the throb of his forearm resonating through his mind. He tapped his finger gently against the middle of his forehead, trying to give himself a steady distraction until Josh spoke again.

 

            “Stand up, baby,” Josh stated gently, reaching forward to grab Tyler’s hand and lift him up, he gently pulled the light tank-top over Tyler’s body, sliding the thin material over his body. Tyler hummed at how gently Tyler was being, he leaned forward and pressed his face directly in the middle of Josh’s chest, craving the closeness of his boyfriend. His whole body ached and he just wanted Josh’s arms to be around him. He pulled back and opened his eyes, looking up at Josh as he watched Tyler with a sheepish smile, handing the clothes in his direction.

 

            He took the pants from Josh’s grip, watching as Josh slipped behind him and slid onto the bed, pulling up the blankets around his shoulders as he turned away and waited for Tyler to finish with putting his clothing back on. Tyler smiled softly at him and knelt down to drop the towel from around his waist and quickly slip the sweatpants on, he cringed slightly at the way they hung loosely around his waist, signifying that he had been losing a significant amount of weight. He watched as Josh’s arms opened and he didn’t hesitate before slipping under the blankets and melting against him.

 

            Tyler didn’t realize he was crying again until Josh’s warm hand rose up from around his waist, gently wiping across his cheeks as soft hums were released from his body. Tyler leant into Josh, biting his lip softly as he listened to the soft comforts that made their way out from Josh’s lips. Tyler would never be able to fully describe how safe Josh made him feel. His eyes reminded him of hot chocolate being poured into coffee; his hands were soft like the petals of cherry blossoms. Tyler loved him. Tyler loved him more than he loved the leaves falling in the autumn. He loved Josh more than the eloquent melodies his piano played when his voice was too weak to speak for him. He loved Josh more than he loved the lake where they first kiss. He loved Josh.

 

            After the tears stopped falling, he released himself from Josh’s arms, looking up at him with wide and puffy eyes. He lifted a frail hand and traced it across Josh’s jaw, a barely there smile creeping across his face as he gently pressed his fingers against Josh’s skin. He leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Josh’s chin, smiling when Josh’s hands wrapped tightly around his waist.

 

            “ _Iloveyou._ ”

 

            Tyler’s voice was shaking and his words came out much too fast for his brain to even comprehend properly, so he didn’t blame Josh when his eyebrows furrowed in confusion before they softened and his mouth fell open softly.

            “You mean it?” Josh asked, the innocence in his voice making Tyler melt under his fingertips. Tyler nodded his head softly, a warm smile spreading across his face as he brushed his thumb across Josh’s face once again. He let out a soft squeak when Josh tackled him into the mattress, pressing quick but gentle kisses to every inch of Tyler’s face. Tyler let out a small shriek, laughter escaping from his lips quicker than he could stop it.

 

            “I love you too.”

 

             Tyler let out a soft gasp before the biggest smile he’s ever produced spread across his lips, he pressed his forehead against Josh’s and pulled him close against his chest. The warmth spread from the middle of his chest and made its way through the rest of his body. He loved this man more than he’d ever be able to explain.

 

\----

           

            Josh was sitting upright, his back pressed against the comforting cream walls of Tyler’s room. Tyler found himself stretched out across his lap, looking up at Josh as he stared into the distance, carding his fingers through Tyler’s hair absentmindedly. He knew that Josh was thinking about earlier today, and he felt himself frown as he felt the soreness that still stuck in the middle of his forearm, he looked down at himself briefly before reverting his eyesight back to Josh. He watched the steady rise and fall of Josh’s chest, the way his eyes blinked slowly and the way his tongue peeked out from between his lips every now and then to wet his slightly chapped lips.

 

            Tyler let out a soft sigh and Josh looked down, their eyes meeting as a faint smile ghosted across Josh’s lips. He felt awful. He had subjected his boyfriend to way too many negative emotions today, and he was surprised that Josh hadn’t simply got up and left. He was nothing but a stress upon his life, and he wouldn’t be surprised if one day Josh would get up and leave due to it. He closed his eyes tightly and rolled over slightly, pressing his face into Josh’s stomach. Josh’s hands came up to card through his hair. “I’m sorry for today, J.”

 

            Josh’s hands stopped moving against Tyler’s hair and he nudged his cheek softly, asking without words for Tyler to look back up at him. Without words of his own Tyler obliged, reaching out to rest his hand against Josh’s arm and trace soft patterns on it as he looked up at him. Josh’s eyes were intense but warm. They weren’t threatening or complicated, but they seemed saddened. At that observation alone Tyler wanted to break down and cry, but he held it back as best as he could.

 

“You haven’t done anything wrong, angel. I just wish there was something more I could do to help you. I haven’t dealt with stuff like this very often other than the small anxiety attacks that I have every now and then before certain big events. I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to help you enough and I’ll lose you.”

 

            Tyler’s eyes widened and he clambered up, resting on his knees in front of Josh and gently resting his hand against Josh’s cheek. He pressed their foreheads together and Josh sighed, fluttering his eyes opened as he lifted his hand to rest against Tyler’s own. Tyler racked his brain for a few moments, scanning through what would be the best thing to say in this situation. Both of them were afraid of losing each other, but for reasons on corresponding ends. Josh ran his thumb across the back of Tyler’s hand, breaking him out of the thoughts he was beginning to drown himself in.

 

            “You’re never going to lose me, J. Things get bad and sometimes I lose control but I’m never going to leave you. You are the gravity that’s keeping me centred down on this Earth and I have no intention whatsoever to leave. I’m not going to leave unless you want me to.” Tyler pressed his cheek to Josh’s shoulder, wrapping his arms loosely around the taller man’s neck.

 

            “I’m never going to want you to leave.” Josh chuckled softly against Tyler, pulling him closer and pressing a soft kiss to his nose. Tyler smiled softly and nuzzled him softly, letting out a soft sigh.

 

            “I don’t want to stress you out Josh, if I ever get too overwhelming please let me know. I won’t force you to help me if you’re unable to. I know I can get really bad sometimes, I hear things and my mind gets too loud and sometimes it’s tough for me to break out of it.” Tyler was speaking too fast and he knew it, he furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back against Josh’s chest.

 

            “You’re not going to stress me out, lovely. I’m here for all of this. You can tell me what you’re hearing and I’ll try my best to block it out with my voice, I can sing for you or just talk. I’ll do anything.” Josh pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s temple, smiling softly as Tyler let out a noise of content.

 

            “I love you so much, Josh.”

 

            “I love you too, Ty. Guess what?”

 

            Tyler cocked his head in Josh’s direction and looked up, his eyebrows furrowed in a question. Josh quickly scooped Tyler into his arms and slid off the bed, a small smirk on his face. “I forgot to make you eat, so I’m taking you out somewhere.”

 

            Tyler’s eyes lit up and he pressed a soft kiss to Josh’s chin as Josh carried him down the stairs and to the front door, setting Tyler down and practically tossing his shoes at him which caused Tyler to let out a loud screech.

 

            “Where are you taking me?”

 

            “It’s a surprise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry this was so shitty and so short but I'm having literally the worst night right now, I just lost my fp and everything seems to be falling apart so I'm barely keeping it together. I wanted to get this one up though, even though it's short it's still sweet. Thank you for bearing with me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! It's been a while since I've updated and honestly I wish I could say it was because I've been taking time for myself but it wasn't. I haven't been able to get myself back up from this mental health decline so I've just been suffering a lot and isolating myself so that's fun.
> 
> I also just got back from vacation so I was able to write a decently large chapter and what not! I hope it's good, I think it's really fluffy so, I think that's good??
> 
> Also, this place they're going is based on where I spent my last week lmao because i needed story inspiration!!
> 
> ALSO I KNOW JOSH IS SMALLER THAN TYLER LE T ME LIVE
> 
> I'm adding Brendon Urie/Sarah into the next chapter because?? idk??? i was bored and needed more filler tbh but like?? ey???
> 
> Also if you're interested in seeing any vacation pictures just go on my instagram I'm probably going to post all of them as soon as possible. Also add me on all my social media and be my friend tbh I'm always open for conversation lmao I'm so lonely
> 
> insta: floraltylers  
> tumblr: softheathens  
> snapchat: gardensofedens
> 
> UPDATE: holy shit okay so my fic literally went down for like a week im so fucking sorry?????? ?

Tyler wasn’t exactly sure how his boyfriend had managed to convince him into going camping, he wasn’t sure how Josh could intrigue him with the thought of the ‘outdoors’ enough to make him actually want to spend time in it, but here he was. His back was pressed firmly against the side of his car, watching as Josh just managed to fit all the essentials into the backseat. The backseat wasn’t entirely roomy, but it’d last them a week and that’s all that seemed to matter. Josh’s brow was furrowed in concentration as he rearranged items in his backpack, double, triple and quadruple checking that he actually had everything he needed. Tyler watched from afar with a look of adoration and a soft smirk written across his face. “Are you almost ready to go? I mean, you’re driving so no rush. But I’m almost certain we have everything.”

 

Josh’s head slowly turned up as Tyler spoke to him, he didn’t understand how or why Josh always managed to look like a ray of sunshine, but the peaceful look spread across his boyfriend’s face was absolutely contagious, and he couldn’t help but smile at him. Josh zipped up his bag, tossing it back into the inside of the car before stepping towards Tyler, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy’s waist. “I’m ready when you are.”

 

Josh had chosen a distinct destination, which was the reasoning behind his positioning in the driver’s seat. Tyler had absolutely no idea where they were going, but Josh was holding that information back. He seemed to be bouncing in the seat, tapping his hands on the steering wheel along with the drum beats to an old tune that played faintly through the radio; Tyler absolutely could not keep his eyes off of him.

 

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you that it’s not polite to stare?” Josh asked, a soft laugh resonating through his body as he quickly shot Tyler a smile before directing his gaze back to the road in front of them.

 

“I apologize; you’re just too damn beautiful.”

 

\----

 

By the fourth hour, Tyler was growing more and more annoyed with the absence of their destination. He had run out of songs to play through the stereo and the thought of listening to the same CD for the fourth time that day had him cringing in his seat. The inevitability of boredom seemed to creep into his bones as he hummed a tune under his breath and tapped his feet unenthusiastically against the plastic mats that lined the floor of his car. He wished that he was tired enough to sleep because surely he would have found himself with his face pressed up against the glass for half of this trip, but Josh had allowed him to sleep in. Sure, being bored was exhausting. But he couldn’t fall asleep.

 

Tyler let out a soft whine, his lips falling into a pout as he glanced over at Josh, reaching his hand over the middle console to press his palm against Josh’s upper arm. Josh gave a small smile of acknowledgment but didn’t say anything. Tyler let out another whine, leaning across the console so he could rest his head against Josh’s shoulder. Josh laughed and took a hand off the wheel to card through Tyler’s messy hair, smiling at Tyler’s soft noise of approval. “Do you want to stop and get something to drink at the next gas station?” Tyler’s entire body shook with the nodding of his head.

 

The sun was hot on his shoulders as he stood outside the nearest gas station that Josh had pulled in to, the store was even warmer than it was outside; so Tyler opted to stay outside while his disappointed boyfriend entered the station. Tyler smiled fondly up at the sky as he watched the soft clouds meld into different shapes and patterns, the undertones of different shades of blue filling through the empty space between the clouds. He was almost sure he would never, ever get used to the colors of the sky. He was jolted from his deep thought when he felt somebody’s lips press against his chin, and he smiled softly and looked down when he recognized the feeling of his boyfriend.

 

Josh had a flimsy shopping bag wrapped tightly around his hand, and as always; he wore a smile that was almost blinding. Tyler couldn’t fight off his own as he wrapped his arms lightly around Josh’s shoulders, leaning on his tippy toes to press a soft kiss to Josh’s nose. Josh’s smile got impossibly larger. “Are you ready to start driving again? We could go for a walk if you wanted to; personally, my legs are stiff from sitting so long.” Tyler smiled at Josh’s cringe and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

 

“I would love to go for a walk, driving is mind-numbing to me.” He gave a soft roll of his eyes and released his hold from around Josh’s shoulders, leaning against the warm, cream-colored brick wall of the gas station. He happily took Josh’s hand when he noticed his offering, leaning against his boyfriend as they walked away from the store and into a nearby field.

 

There wasn’t much to look at in this town, and everything was unfamiliar. His thumb gently rubbed against the back of Josh’s hand as he kicked softly at the dry grass beneath his feet, watching as it all but disintegrated beneath his foot. There was an old run down church in the difference, the wood that he was sure would have been painted a bright white or soft blue was now laced with the dark and maroon colors of rotting wood. The mountains melted into slabs of stone, showing each layer of built up rock. Despite the emptiness this area gave off, it sure was beautiful. Though the trees were dead, fallen over and collapsed; He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful and comforting the scene was. Restart. Renew.

 

“What’s on your mind, baby?” Tyler looked up from his zoned out gaze and made eye contact with his boyfriend, once again smiling at the colors that stood behind his irises. His eyes looked like hot chocolate and coffee mixed together, he smiled softly and leaned his head against Josh’s shoulder and pointed towards the fallen and rotten trees.

 

“I’m intrigued by the way that nature is going to change this area, like sure it doesn’t look that important. But the cycle is intricate. The trees are going to rot and disintegrate, melding themselves into the soil beneath them. From that soil, new plants will spread. May it be trees, bushes or flowers? But something will replace the previously dead. It’s pretty interesting, because no matter how boring our existence may be, life can change you into something beautiful.” He looked up and flushed when he realized he was rambling, shutting his mouth and looking back towards the fallen trees. “Sorry, I’m annoying.”

 

“You’re anything but.” Josh pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s temple, holding onto his hand tighter as he leaned into him.

 

“I love your mind.” Tyler felt as if that was the most important compliment he had ever received in his life.

\----- 

 

Josh figured that if he drove with his hand across the console gently placed on Tyler’s left thigh that his boyfriend would be content with driving once again. It seemed that he was completely correct. Tyler looked up at Josh briefly, a soft smile spreading across his face as he placed his own hand over Josh’s; entertaining himself with tracing geometric patterns across the soft skin of his wrist. Tyler was humming a song under his breath, tapping the fingers of his free hand against the window to a beat that was concealed within his head. His eyes were scanning the surrounding as they followed along the long and empty highway that was laid out behind them.

 

“Oh!” Tyler exclaimed, excitement filling his features as he stood up straighter, a smile filling his lips as he looked out the window on Josh’s side. “I hadn’t even noticed that the water of the river had changed. Did two rivers merge or something, back where we were?”

 

Josh smiled at the rise in Tyler’s voice, gently tracing against his thigh lightly as he looked briefly at the water, they were driving completely straight for the next little while so he was sure it was okay if he was distracted for a few moments. “Yeah, back a few miles two rivers merge, this one is the Fraser River. It’s typically a clear blue color and it’s rough and choppy. The river it merges with is the Thompson river, which is completely muddy and kind of gross honestly.”

 

Tyler let out a soft laugh, leaning over to press a soft kiss to Josh’s cheek. He returned back to his seat and stretched softly against the fabric. He took a deep breath and looked out the window. “That’s pretty cool actually, just caught me a little bit off guard because I knew we hadn’t started following another river, and that we were still stuck at the same one. But the colors changed.” His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, a small smile spread across Josh’s face.

 

“You’re cute, also; there are about twenty minutes left. I’m sure the cabin will be ready by then.” Tyler’s eyes shot up to look at Josh, his eyes wide and excited. He was sure that’s because he had convinced Tyler to bring the tent despite the fact that they were staying in a Cabin.

 

“I’ve never stayed in a cabin before.” Tyler’s voice was awed, but a higher pitch took over it to express his happiness. Josh couldn’t believe how beautiful he was.

 

\----

Josh was more interested in the way Tyler’s face moved through the levels of excitement. He came up behind Tyler, wrapping his arms tightly around the shorter boy’s waist, placing his chin gently on Tyler’s shoulder. Josh could hear his heartbeat beating out of his chest, a small smile spread across Josh’s face as he peppered soft kisses across Tyler’s shoulder and neck. He smiled wider when Tyler turned around within Josh’s arms, wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck and buried his face into his shoulder. “I think I’m going to enjoy this more than I thought.”

 

Tyler pulled away from Josh’s grip to make his way around the cabin, his hands dragging softly over the edges of the mossy wood. A soft smile was spread across his lips as he looked back at Josh. “How would you describe the color of the wood? I know that it’s. Brown, maybe? But there’s something else that I can’t exactly place.”

 

Josh smiled softly at Tyler’s fearful look, relearning colors was difficult, but Josh was willing to help more than anything. It was also interesting, understanding how his boyfriend comprehended things that were so commonplace to him. Tyler didn’t need to be afraid to ask him these things, but he was still nervous. “Um, well it’d probably be a more complex color identity. A burnt orange, maybe?”

 

Tyler let out a hum of acknowledgment as he ran his fingers across the textured fibers of the wood. He was mesmerized by the darkened colors. He didn’t recognize multiple of the different shades, but he definitely didn’t want to bother Josh with his constant stream of questions. He was almost convinced that Josh would eventually grow tired of the questions and probably grow tired of Tyler in general. He let out a soft sigh and continued along the side of the cabin, smiling softly when they reached the front door.

 

“Do you have the code?” Tyler asked, motioning towards the padlocked container which Tyler assumed held the keys to the cabin, seeing as Josh wasn’t making any sudden movement to reach into his pockets for anything. He chuckled as he watched Josh furrow his eyebrows, dashing to the car to retrieve his phone. Searching through his notes until he came across a four point password. He gently pushed Tyler to the side earning a sarcastically offended noise, but Tyler gave in when he reached over to give him a soft kiss.

 

Josh twisted around the keys of the old, and frankly quite shitty; padlock. He struggled with it for a few seconds, the lock refusing to let go. He tugged once again and it flew out of his hands, and into the fire pit behind the both of them. Tyler’s soft laughter filled the air, and Josh groaned softly and leaned his head against the glass window pane of the door. “I’ll go get it, babe.” Tyler managed to choke out through laughter.

 

Josh retrieved the keys from the plastic box, praying through some ultimate faith that the plastic box wouldn’t follow suit and shatter. He felt like he was going to have nothing but bad luck today, but he hoped not. His focus shattered from the small keys when he heard soft shriek escape his boyfriend. His head snapped back as he watched Tyler dash back with fear in his eyes and a lock in his hand. “There is a fucking snake.” Tyler squeaked, returning to his positioning beside Josh.

 

Josh wrapped a comforting smile around Tyler’s waist, smiling softly and pressing a kiss to Tyler’s nose, feeling the heat of his reddened face as he did so. “I would take care of it for you, but I am also terrified of snakes. It would stress me out.”

Tyler didn’t say a word; he just stared in the direction of where he saw the snake.

 

“I literally could not care at all; can we please just go inside?” Tyler pleaded, his eyes wide and begging as he wrapped his arms tightly around Josh’s tattooed upper arm. Josh pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, gently rubbing his hand across Tyler’s shoulders to calm him down a little bit; he seemed to melt under Josh’s touch.

 

Tyler was absolutely terrified of snakes, he had been for years and he wasn’t sure the origination of said fear, all he knew was that he was just about ready to bury himself into Josh’s shoulder and absolutely melt into him. He watched with wide eyes as Josh unlocked the door for the cabin, wrapping his arms around Josh’s middle as he pressed his face against his collarbone. Josh smiled and wrapped his arms back around Tyler’s waist, lifting him up and walking inside the door. Tyler let out a soft squeak and repositioned his arms around Josh’s neck, a small squeak leaving his lips.

 

Josh pressed soft kisses to Tyler’s shoulder, slowly loosening his grip on Tyler’s waist, allowing him to slide down and his feet landing on the ground. He let a soft laugh escape his lips, leaning up to press soft kisses against Josh’s chin and neck. He let out a soft gasp when Josh let out a giggle. “You are the cutest person in this entire universe, I swear.” Tyler couldn’t contain his own laughter when Josh’s face heated up even further, and he leaned down to bury his face in Tyler’s collar.

 

“I cannot stand you, good lord. You’re so cute I’m going to pass out.” Josh let out a soft laugh and pulled Tyler inside and onto the small couch that he had spotted on their entrance into the cabin. He pushed the door closed, letting out a soft laugh as Tyler settled into the cushions of the couch, his arms outstretched and waiting. “Could we save you passing out until we lay here for a bit, and get the car unpacked?”

 

Tyler pulled Josh down on top of him, pulling him into a gentle kiss and tangling his fingers into Josh’s thick, curly brown hair. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

 

\----

 

They’d spent two hours in the living room; tangled together in a spare sheet they found spread across one of the extra chairs. Tyler was wrapped around Josh, and Josh around Tyler. The air was comfortable and nice, despite being in a brand new environment, his anxiety was managed and he didn’t feel a broken knot within his chest. He snuggled against Josh’s chest, wrapping his arms even tighter around his middle. A soft contented sigh leaving his lips.

 

“Baby, I know you’re comfy but we should probably unpack soon. Or I just could if you’d like, and you could lay here and relax.” He brushed his fingers lightly through Tyler’s shorter hair, a soft smile lacing his lips as he leaned down to press a soft kiss to the corner of Tyler’s mouth. Tyler shook his head softly and moved to push Josh off him light-heartedly, pushing him to the end of the couch, his legs still wrapped around his waist. “No, I’ll help. Can we come lay back down when we’re done? Maybe in the beds?”

 

Josh nodded enthusiastically, grabbing both of Tyler’s hands and lifting the both of them up. “Of course, I wouldn’t want anything less.” He kissed the top of Tyler’s head and dragged them back out into the front of the cabin.

 

\----

 

Josh’s heart sped up when he returned back to the master bedroom, catching sight of his boyfriend staring blankly at the empty wall with a saddened look on his face. Despite how beautiful Tyler looked, with the sun streaming through the windows and the rays lighting up his eyes. He knew that something was wrong and he couldn’t enjoy his appearance without saying something. His hands were full with two cups of chai tea, Tyler’s unconditional favorite. He’d swiped the bags from the counter just before they’d left, nearly missing them. He placed both mugs on the dresser beside the bed before he settled down onto the bed beside his boyfriend.

 

Tyler didn’t raise his eyes to look at Josh, the horribly wallpapered wall receiving his undivided attention. Josh didn’t deem it normal to be jealous of a wall, but he shrugged the feeling off and slipped his finger under Tyler’s chin, gently guiding his face until Tyler’s dull looking eyes caught Josh’s. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

 

Tyler’s face fell when Josh’s question sunk in, and he shrugged his shoulders, averting his gaze down to his lap. He scratched gently at his wrists, hoping that the scratching would relieve some of the stress running through his mind. His feelings were irrational and nonsensical, but they were affecting him just as much as rational ones would. “I don’t know, J. I’m really sorry, we’re supposed to be on vacation and I can’t stop thinking long enough to enjoy myself. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry.”

 

Josh’s eyes widened when he caught sight of the shaking that was spreading through Tyler’s body, he slid closer across the bed, taking Tyler’s hands in his owns and smiling weakly at his boyfriend. He tapped Tyler’s shoulder, not saying a word as the smaller boy lifted his head, his eyes watery and red-rimmed. He opened his arm in an invitation. Tyler didn’t think twice before collapsing against his chest, burying himself in the mint-vanilla smell that was Joshua Dun.

 

\----

 

Tyler’s eyes were red-rimmed and sore by the time he pulled himself out of Josh’s arms, his hands still wrapped tightly around the boy’s wrists. He felt unwell and his hands were still shaking, but Josh tried everything he could to silence the jumping of the smaller boy’s nerves. Tyler just wished that his body would respond in the way he wanted it to; he didn’t want to be sad. He wanted to be happy and warm and wrapped up in his boyfriend, but he felt an ache in his chest and couldn’t see straight.

 

Josh pressed kiss after kiss to Tyler’s forehead, warranting soft noises of approval and content from Tyler’s sore and sleepy body. He rubbed his hands gently across Tyler’s back, whispering sweet nothings and making soft noises to keep Tyler’s mind occupied from the negativities that were running through it. He knew somehow that it wasn’t enough, but he hoped that it was helping even in the slightest.

 

Tyler was so glad that his boyfriend was here for this episode, his hands had slowed in its shaking and the tremors had all but dissipated from his body. He clung desperately onto his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around Josh’s waist and his neck buried deep in his neck. His head hurt more than his entire body and he just wanted this to go away so he could speak to his boyfriend and have his words bring him back down to reality. But it seemed that time could not take this away soon enough.

 

Tyler eventually managed to get his breathing under control, lifting his hands to rest against Josh’s cheeks. His thumbs gently traced his cheeks, he pressed his own forehead against Josh’s, fluttering his eyes closed and resting their noses together. He ran his fingers down Josh’s cheeks and against his neck, his fingers tracing geometric patterns across his skin not only to calm himself down but to tell him that he was going to be okay. “I love you so much, J.”

 

“I love you too, Ty.” Josh pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s lips, pulling the smaller boy closer against him.

 

\----

 

Tyler watched from the corner of his eye as the sun began to set, and he began to squirm in Josh’s arms, letting out soft noises as he stared longingly out the window. Josh loosened his grip enough for Tyler to roll over in his arms. He pressed his hands against Josh’s face, his legs tangled with Josh’s. “Can we go and watch the sunset, pleasepleasepleaseplease.”

 

Josh laughed at the way Tyler’s words melted together through his excitement, he peppered a soft kiss to Tyler’s nose and rubbed his hands across his wrists for a moment before releasing his hold on Tyler completely. “Who would I be to deny you something like that?” The squeak that was released from Tyler’s lips as he jumped out of the bed and tugged softly at Josh’s hand made Josh’s heart leap from his chest. He was sure that he loved this boy more than anything in this world.

 

\----

“I wish we could see this every night, the sunsets by our houses are pretty of course. But I’ve never seen this many colors at once, it’s so beautiful.” Tyler whispered softly, scooting against the dock even further towards Josh when his body began to shiver due to the cold wind blowing against their bodies. Their feet were pressed into the water, the temperature of the water surprisingly did not match the coldness of the air, it was lukewarm. Nothing fantastic but nothing severely disappointing.

 

“I know, my dad used to take me here all the time, but I haven’t really been since he left. I found it hurt too much to keep coming back because of all the memories that were tied to this place.” Josh kept his eyes fixed on the clouds surrounding the setting sun and the way their colors twisted in a gradient of every color that was mixed in. He tried to avoid the feeling of Tyler’s eyes on his face, but he eventually gave in and looked back towards him, meeting the look of sadness he wanted to avoid at all costs.

 

“If this place hurts you, why did you take me with you?” His voice was soft, and Josh was happy that he didn’t seem upset by it, he was just concerned. Curiosity laced through his pleasant voice. Tyler slid his hand across and laced his fingers between Tyler’s, rubbing his thumb against the back of Josh’s hand.

 

“I was hoping that I could take something I’ve known as negative for a long time and turn it into a positive, with you.” Tyler’s face softened even further than it already was, his face falling into a soft smile and a calmed expression. He moved so that his thigh was pressed against Josh’s, as he slipped his arm around Josh’s waist, leaning his head against his shoulder.

 

“I hope I’ll be able to change that for you.”

 

“You already have.”

 

\----

 

“I wrote you a song.”

 

Tyler’s soft and cautious voice split through the silence that had fallen between the two of them, the blankets were curled around them as they sat close to each other in comfort, a cup of reheated tea held in each of their cold hands. Tyler’s thumb was rubbing against the side of the cup nervously as he worried his bottom lip in-between his teeth. The sun had set long ago, but you could still see a light blue glow that stood surrounding the mountain range.

 

“Oh, yeah?”

 

Josh placed his cup on the window pane, his right hand searching for Tyler’s free hand. He ran his thumb across the back of Tyler’s hand, identifying the anxiety that must have been running through the smaller boy’s body, working immediately to try to ease it in the easiest way he could. He felt as if there was a storm in his stomach, not an uncomfortable one. A storm that was beautiful, the sounds of thunder calming instead of frightening. Tyler had written him a song.

Tyler nodded his head, lacing his fingers with Josh’s. A soft redness had appeared to the skin of his face, a small embarrassed smile spreading across his lips as he looked up at Josh. The look on Josh’s face calmed his nerves, he looked absolutely thrilled. The smile that he loved so much spread across his lips, his eyes crinkling at the corners as the smile widened.

 

“You grabbed my ukulele before we left right? If you didn’t that’s fine. I could probably just sing it without anything else.” He rushed the words out nervously, curious as to if Josh had even heard him, Josh lifted himself off the bed with a soft nod, making his way towards the bedroom closet, lifting the small ukulele case out from inside. Tyler smiled softly as Josh handed it towards him.

 

“Thank you,” Tyler took the case from Josh as he climbed back over him, settling in front of Tyler with his legs crisscrossed, a smile broke across Tyler’s face as he watched Josh for a few moments. He made slow work at unlatching the buckles of the case, he wanted to slow things down so he had time to prepare himself for this. He ran the lyrics through his head as he tested out a few chords on the ukulele, trying to remember the specific notes he had written down in a spare notebook on the end table beside his bed. He let out a soft noise of approval as he found exactly what he was looking for.

 

He looked up at Josh, giving him a small smile as he played a few tester notes. “Um, it’s not too good, and I’ve never played it through fully so please bear with me if I mess up.” He gave a nervous chuckle and looked down at his fingers before he began playing.

 

“We don’t believe what’s on TV,

Because it’s what we want to see.

And what we want, we know we can’t believe

We have all learned to kill our dreams.

 

I need to know

That when I fail, you’ll still be here

Because if you stick around, I’ll sing you pretty sounds

And we’ll make money selling your hair,”

 

Josh watched Tyler with a fondness, his hands were held tightly together in his lap and he had never wanted something more than to lean forward and kiss the life out of Tyler, but if he did so he’d be cutting off something Tyler had made for him, something beautiful Tyler made for him. He hung on to every single word Tyler was singing.

 

“I don’t care what’s in your hair;

I just want to know what’s on your mind

I used to say I want to die before I’m old,

But because of you, I might think twice.”

 

Tyler cut himself off after that, his eyes gazing down at his lap before he looked back up at Josh, a look of nervous fear spread through his eyes. “I’m not going to lie to you, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.” He bit his lip and let out a soft sigh.

 

Josh filled the empty silence with his laughter, and he helped Tyler in pushing his ukulele to the side before he crawled over the boy, pressing his lips to every single part of skin that was available to his touch. He ran his fingers across Tyler’s waist and leaned in to press a soft and final kiss to Tyler’s lips before nuzzling his face against his neck, a huge smile spread across his lips. “I loved it. I loved it so much. If you remember the rest please let me know, because I’d love to hear it more than anything.”

 

Tyler wrapped his arms firmly around Josh’s body, pulling him tight against himself as he smiled widely. He truly thought Josh was going to hate it; it was something completely out of his comfort zone when it came to the content of writing songs. He’d never really written about love or people that were not family or himself. But this song was extremely refreshing; it helped him to get out all he was feeling for Josh without having to outright tell him through words.

 

“I was scared you were going to hate it.” He breathed, burying his face against Josh’s soft, curly mess of hair. He pressed a soft kiss to his scalp and ran his fingers through the hair quickly, smiling softly down at him. Josh lifted his head and rested his chin against Tyler’s chin so he could look up at Tyler, the smallest smile was spread across his lips and Tyler nearly laughed at the fact that even the smallest smile such as his could make the skin around his eyes crinkle in the way that he loved so much.

 

“Well, I can assure you, Tyler Joseph, that I love the song just as much as I love you. And that’s a large amount.” Tyler laughed and leaned down to press his forehead against Josh’s. He never wanted to leave this moment for as long as he lived. He wanted to be with Josh for as long as he lived.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ii was drunk when i wrote this forgive me

            Josh fluttered his eyes open when he felt the warmth of the sun pressing against his face; he winced at the light and lifted his free arm to wrap around his eyes. Shielding the light that shone through from hurting his eyes, he let out a soft sigh of content as he felt Tyler shift in his arms. He pressed a soft kiss to the tuft of mocha hair as he scooted closer. Josh had been planning this surprise for Tyler for weeks; he was hoping he’d be able to pull together everything today before Tyler woke up. He had to make breakfast for himself and Tyler, wake Tyler up, figure out a way to distract him for a while, and then he needed to call Brendon.

 

            Brendon Urie was Tyler’s best friend in high school. Through the duration of his and Tyler’s relationship, he’d heard the stories and kind words that he’d speak about Brendon. They had lost contact when Brendon had gotten kicked out of his house due to partying too much, his grades had slipped and his parent’s were not tolerating it; due to multiple warnings. The cut to their relationship had been sudden, and neither of them had gotten to say goodbye. Josh had made a decision after listening to all of Tyler’s stories and relaying of conversations and he found Brendon through the joys of social media, and as a surprise to Tyler; he had invited Brendon to come spend the last few days with Josh and Tyler. Brendon was more than willing to make an appearance, and he was even bringing along the girlfriend he had met once he’d moved completely out of his parent’s house and into another town.

 

            Josh struggled to hide the excitement so he wouldn’t get too jittery and end up waking Tyler up. He ran his fingers across the smaller boy’s lap as he made an attempt to slide out of Tyler’s embrace. Tyler let out a sigh of discontent and broke away from Josh’s hold; he wrapped himself in the blanket and hugged it tightly to his chest. Josh sighed and lifted himself off of the bed, looking back to make sure Tyler was going to be fine sleeping alone before he snuck out of the bedroom, being careful to shut the door quietly behind him.

 

            Josh stretched in the ripped and worn Arctic Monkey’s t-shirt that he had slept in; he probably should have taken a shower before he decided to make breakfast, but he decided against it and walked directly to the kitchen. Making food in a room that was not familiar was extremely difficult, and he struggled to find utensils and the pans that he required to make the food. But he eventually pulled through, finding everything he would need to make eggs, bacon, and hash browns.

 

            Josh hummed the tune of the song Tyler had shown him the night before, the song written specifically for him. He could feel the warmth spread through his chest as he thought about the occurrence before he snapped back to reality to watch over the food he was desperately hoping not to burn. His heart fluttered in his chest as he thought about Tyler’s reaction to the surprise, he knew for a fact that Tyler would be ecstatic. He brushed a hand through his disheveled hair, flipping the hash browns once again and smiling softly.

 

            It took Josh a significant amount of time to completely finish everything he had planned for breakfast, but he still managed to keep it warm as he pulled the last pan off the stove, setting it on a barely used element before he turned on his heel and exited the kitchen, he had a boyfriend to wake up, and a surprise to finish planning.

 

            He snuck into his and Tyler’s room, cringing softly at the floorboards creaked beneath his feet. He switched the positioning of his steps and managed to make it over to the bed where Tyler was curled up without another creaky floorboard getting in the way. Tyler was curled up on the other side of the bed by the window, right where Josh had been sleeping just an hour before. Josh knelt down beside the bed, pressing his hands against the firmness of Tyler’s back, leaning forward and gently pulling him onto his side. Tyler gave a soft groan and rolled over completely, facing Josh’s direction. Josh leaned forward once again and pressed a soft kiss to the smaller boy’s chin, tracing his fingers down his waist. Tyler stirred in his sleep and his eyes slowly fluttered open, his eyes widening at somebody being in front of him before softening when he noticed that it was just Josh. “G’mornng.”

 

            Josh smiled at the mess of unintelligible words that fell out of his boyfriend's lips, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his forehead. “I made breakfast; you should get up and come eat it with me.” He let out a soft chuckle as Tyler nuzzled his face against Josh’s hand.

 

            “If I must, but you have to carry me. I’m almost sure that if I tried to walk I’m going to fall the fuck over. I feel so weak.” Tyler whined and Josh knew he was over exaggerating, but who was he to deny his boyfriend anything? He smiled down at Tyler’s outstretched arms, he wrapped his arms around Tyler’s middle, lifting him up off the bed and letting out a soft laugh when Tyler wrapped his legs around his waist. He pressed his face against Josh’s shoulder as they walked out the door of the bedroom, tracing his fingers across Tyler’s back as he struggled to keep him upright in his arms.

 

            When they reached the living room, Josh settled Tyler into one of the many armchairs that littered the large room. Tyler let out a whine as Josh’s arms fell from around him, and he pulled his knees up to his chest and pouted, pressing his face against the dark green of the uncomfortable looking armchair. Josh smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to Tyler’s forehead with a promise that he’d be right back.

 

\----

 

            They ate in silence, Tyler managing to shove the entire contents of his plate down into his mouth within a few spare minutes, before he let out a soft groan, placing his plate in the middle of the coffee table that stood in front of the occupied armchair. Josh was smiling at him, and he seemed to be just picking at his food, barely dedicating himself to fully eating any of the complete sections of his breakfast. “That was really good Jish.”

 

            Josh chuckled at the new nickname that Tyler allowed to fall out of his lips before he beamed at Tyler. “I’m glad; I did my best to not burn it for you.”

 

            Josh let out a surprised noise as he heard the ringing of his phone echoing through his pocket, he placed his plate adjacent to Tyler’s on the coffee table before he lifted himself onto his feet, glancing down at Tyler’s panicked look as he pulled his phone from  his pocket, looking at the screen and seeing Brendon’s contact name spread across the screen as it vibrated in his palm. Josh mouthed a silent, ‘mom’ at Tyler before he walked into the other room and pulled the phone up to his ear.

 

            “Hey, mom!”

 

            “Excuse me, Joshua. I’m not your mother.”

 

            Josh slipped the door behind himself, quietly hissing into the phone. “I’m trying to be inconspicuous, so for this phone-call, you are my mother.”

 

            “I can get behind this, probably.” Josh heard soft female laughter in the background and smiled softly, running his fingers through his messy brown hair.

 

            “Anyways, Sarah and I should be there in the next hour. Probably twenty minutes honestly. I planned to call you earlier but a really good bout of songs came on the radio. And well. I got carried away.” Josh rolled his eyes; he liked this Brendon character already. They’d been texting for the past few days, but he was much funnier over voice.

 

            “Shit, that’s earlier than I expected. Tyler is awake though so I’m sure it’ll be good, do you have any ideas of how I can distract him so he’s not curious about why I’m in the bedroom whispering to my mother?”

 

            “Take him outside, he’s a sucker for the sun and from what I’m seeing right now. It’s super fucking bright out.”

 

            “Okay, true. I’ll see you in a bit then.”

 

            “Stay safe my son! Use protection!”

 

            Josh let out a loud laugh and ended the call, shoving his phone back into his pocket before sliding open the door he had just previously closed. He stepped into the living room and found Tyler’s eyes already on him, a worried expression on his face as he carded his eyes over Josh’s body. “Is everything alright? Why did she call?”

 

            “Hey, everything’s fine, she just wanted to check up on us and see how things are going. She says she misses you.” Tyler’s face seemed to light up at the same time that it seemed to fall; he ran his fingers through his hair as he smiled weakly up at Josh. “That’s sweet of her.”

 

            “Are you alright?”

 

            “I’m good, I don’t know, that just kind of made me sad because I wish my mom cared that much, you know? She probably doesn’t even care that I’m gone right now.” He frowned and so did Josh. The sudden guilt of lying to Tyler about speaking to his mother began to overwhelm him, but he just reached out for Tyler’s hands. Trying to distract himself from spilling the secret that was about to show up at the cabin’s door in less than twenty minutes at this point.

 

            “I understand Ty, my mom has got enough love for the both of us, and she’ll be a replacement mother if you need one,” Josh smiled weakly, and a soft laugh escaped from Tyler’s lips as he grabbed Josh’s hands and pulled himself up. He leaned his head against Josh’s shoulder, holding his hands tightly. Josh pressed kisses against his forehead, pulling Tyler towards the direction of the back door. “Where are we going?”

 

            “Outside, we’ll go sit on the dock or something.” Josh shrugged and scooped Tyler up into his arms, smiling widely as the boy let out a loud squeak. He just held Tyler tighter and allowed him to wrap his arms around Josh’s neck. They made their way outside, Tyler with his face pressed against Josh’s chest.

 

            “I love you,” Tyler whispered as Josh placed him down at the end of the dock, his feet falling into the water with a soft splash. He grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him down beside him, immediately leaning his weight against Josh.

 

            “I love you too, sweetheart. And I know for a fact that today is going to be a good day.”

 

            He ignored the strange look that Tyler threw his way.

 

\----

 

            Josh heard the car in the driveway as clearly as he could hear the waves pressing against the sides of the dock, but Tyler didn’t seem to notice. He felt a soft buzz of anxiety in his chest, wrapping his arms tighter around Tyler’s waist. He hoped that Brendon would make a quiet appearance, but from what he had heard about Brendon, he was definitely going to get a loud appearance. He looked towards the water and smiled, kicking his feet in the water softly. “What are you so happy about?”

 

            “Nothing, just a good-,”

 

            “Dun, your directions fucking _sucked_. I should have been here _10_ minutes ago.”

 

            A gasp fell from Tyler’s lips. He turned to Josh with his doe-eyes wide and excited. Tyler lets go of his hand, twisting himself around to witness the image that was his best friend, waving his hand towards the lake with a smile spread wide across his lips, a black haired girl hanging on to his arm. “Josh. Did you-“

 

            Josh nodded his head, flicking his wrist to push Tyler in the direction to go see Brendon. Tyler didn’t think twice before mouthing a soft ‘thank you’ and lifting himself off the ground, making a mad dash in Brendon’s direction. Josh had never seen Tyler run so fast, obviously, this surprise was going as planned. “Come to daddy, baby!” Brendon’s voice boomed through the air, seemingly echoing off the trees. Josh couldn’t stop the rolling of his eyes.

 

            Josh’s jaw dropped as Tyler tackled Brendon to the ground, he practically heard Brendon’s body fall against the hard gravel of the driveway. Sarah looked unimpressed, and she caught Josh looking in their direction and began to make her way over, her long black hair swaying in the wind as she walked across the dock. She gave a warm smile and waved, “Hey, I’m Sarah. I felt I should come over and introduce myself while our boyfriends reunite.”

 

            “And I’m Josh, it’s really nice to meet you.” He outstretched his hand towards Sarah; she shook it softly and awkwardly, settling herself down at the end of the dock. Slipping her shoes off before she allowed her feet to fall softly in the water. “This place sure is beautiful, I’m glad you asked me and Brendon to come out. I’m sure B’s going to love it.”

 

            “I’m glad I asked you guys too.”

 

\----

 

            Tyler dashed up to his best friend, stuck in disbelief that Brendon was really here, standing in front of him. He could feel hot tears burn his eyes as he scanned his eyes over Brendon’s body. He looked the exact same as he did last time, other than the fact that Tyler could see his colors. He could see the tone of his skin and the color of his eyes and it was absolutely overwhelming. He completely disregarded the woman standing next to him as he shot himself off the ground and tackled Brendon in a bear hug. The man hit the ground with a loud groan, and Tyler couldn’t fight off the laughter that escaped his chest.

 

            “Dude, what the fuck are you doing here!” Tyler’s voice broke in the middle of the sentence, causing his face to flush with embarrassment as he crawled off of Brendon’s chest; allowing him room to breathe. He extended a hand and helped Brendon back on to his feet; the smile hadn’t disappeared from Brendon’s face just yet.

 

            “Thank your boyfriend, Ty. Through great difficulty, I’m sure he stalked literally every form of social media I had and messaged every single one until I responded, kind of confusing honestly. But I had to trust anything that had to do with you.” He ruffled Tyler’s hair, his smile widening as Tyler swatted away his hands with a loud huff.

 

            “Joshua over there invited me and my girlfriend to come out for your last few days here. He told me that you talked about me a significant amount and that if I was willing he’d pay for my gas to get out here, to surprise you. So, surprise!” Brendon shook his hands out at his sides, letting a loud laugh escape his lips. He pulled Tyler back into another hug. “It’s so good to see you. I missed you so much.”

 

\----

 

            A few hours later, they were all curled up on the living room floor. Cups of hot chocolate leaving their hands comfortably warm. The smile hadn’t left Tyler’s face once, and he was more than happy to be curled up on the floor, a blanket wrapped around his and his boyfriend’s shoulder as he made an attempt to get caught up on the large amount of Brendon’s life that he had missed out on. Brendon was interested wholeheartedly in figuring out how the hell Tyler had ended up in a relationship with somebody like Joshua Dun, and though Tyler wasn’t exactly sure what that meant; he went with it.

 

            Brendon had Sarah settled in his lap, his arms were wrapped tightly around her middle and his head was rested against his shoulder as he absorbed everything that Tyler spoke towards him. Tyler returned the favor when Brendon spoke, curling against Josh’s side for warmth. “So, you’re telling me that Josh basically painted your world? He kissed you and now you can see colors? I hope you realize how _insane_ that sounds.”

 

            “I know! But hear me out okay. I took him to Crystal Lake because he wanted me to show him my favorite part of our town or whatever, well realistically he wanted me to show him around but I chose to bring him to my favorite lake. We raced each other to the shore and somehow we ended up leaning against each other with our feet in the lake, and I said that I wanted to kiss him.” He looked at Josh shyly, a look of adoration spread across Josh’s face convinced him to continue with his story. “I know this sounds cliché, but I’ve never had a kiss feel like this before. It was all I had expected and so, so much more. And when I opened my eyes, I could see color. It was overwhelming and I didn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t know the names of any other colors other than red, and I cried for honestly over an hour, it was quite embarrassing.”

 

            “It was cute.”

 

            “Shut up.” Tyler swatted at Josh but couldn’t fight the smile on his face when his laughter filled through the empty space of the living-room, echoing off the walls.

 

            “That’s pretty gay, guys.” Brendon chuckled, his smile wide as he watched the way Josh and Tyler spoke to each other. He pulled Sarah closer to him and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I wish that would have been how me and Brendon’s first kiss would have felt like,” Sarah stated; her voice obviously sarcastic but nonetheless earning an offended gasp from Brendon.

 

            “I can’t believe you’d say something like that, after all that we’ve been through. I can’t believe this. Our first kiss was _fantastic_!” Brendon exclaimed, a smile widening across his face as he watched Sarah’s face break into one. He pulled her in for a kiss and Tyler smiled wide, hugging Josh close to his side as he took a sip of his hot chocolate. They made eye contact and smiled at each other, leaning their forehead against each other. Tyler couldn’t believe how happy he was feeling today.

 

            When Sarah and Brendon broke from the kiss Brendon’s eyes fell back on Josh, a soft look falling across his face. “I can’t thank you enough for inviting us out here; I don’t know how long I would have gone without seeing Tyler if it hadn’t been for you. Seeing as Tyler over here doesn’t know how to use social media, I was never able to find him.” Tyler rolled his eyes and looked towards Josh, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “Also, I enjoy your presence, you’re a good person and I’m glad we can be friends through this now too. But just so you know, if you hurt my- our Tyler; I’ll probably cut your dick off.” Tyler leaned over to Josh, whispering a soft, “He’s not kidding.”

 

            “Trust me, I couldn’t imagine hurting Tyler. I love him too much.” He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, feeling him press his face against his chest. “I’m glad; I’ll hold those words to you.”

 

\----

           

            Tyler’s eyes widened when Brendon returned from his vehicle, with a few bags of his and Sarah’s in his arms along with a massive bottle of vodka. He allowed his mouth to hang agape as Brendon shook it in his direction, a wide smile spread across his face. Josh looked towards Tyler and shrugged, a small smile across his face as he too looked back up at Brendon. “I thought that if I was going to be staying here for a few days, we might as well have a lot of fun for one of them” Tyler rolled his eyes.

 

            “You know what, fine. I can get behind this but only for one night. Did you bring anything to mix drinks with or will I just have to pull something out of my ass?” Josh looked up at Tyler with a smile, watching as his boyfriend’s face fell into acceptance other than confusion. He made a vow to not drink much because Tyler didn’t seem like somebody who would be able to handle alcohol well.

 

            “Of course, I brought stuff to mix it with, who do you take me for; a heathen?” Tyler nodded violently and Brendon raised his middle finger to flip Tyler off, Tyler’s melodic laughter spilling through the air.

 

            “Joshua, my son. I’m going to need you to show me where our room is so I can put these somewhere so I won’t have to work on it when I’m super drunk.” Josh rolled his eyes and stood up, beckoning his hand in the direction of the rooms. Brendon followed after him like a lost puppy dog. “I hope you didn’t mind me bringing alcohol, I’ll try to like. _Lay low_.”

 

            Josh shrugged his shoulders, opening the door that leads to Brendon and Sarah’s room, stepping in before him and lifting his hand to show off the plain bedroom space. “I don’t really mind, you guys can do whatever you want. Honestly, I think Tyler might enjoy it a lot. He hasn’t really drunk anything since he’s seen you last from what he told me.”

 

            “Ty-guy is the biggest fucking lightweight in the world. He’ll probably pass out before all of us end up drunk. He can’t handle alcohol whatsoever.” Brendon shook his head with a soft laugh, tossing his stuff onto the bed sheets. “Don’t worry, I know you’ll take good care of him”

 

            “You’re not wrong.” Josh chuckled, following Brendon back out to the living room.

 

\----

 

            Tyler was sitting in between Josh’s spread legs, his back pressed against Josh’s chest as he leaned his head back against his shoulder. He nursed a glass of some concoction that Brendon had thrown together that smelled faintly of raspberry and citrus. Brendon’s eyes were scanning over his hands, seemingly watching every move of Tyler’s. He seemed slightly offended that Tyler hadn’t taken a sip of his drink yet, but quite frankly was afraid to. He knew how easily he got intoxicated and he was worried that he’d end up doing something embarrassing in front of his boyfriend.

 

            Josh traced his hands across Tyler’s back softly, his hands smoothing over the wrinkles in Tyler’s light blue shirt. He was managing to hold a conversation with Sarah over something that he couldn’t quite connect to at this moment in time, the feeling of his voice vibrated against Tyler, bringing a small smile to his face. “Tyler, if you do not at least try that drink in the next minute I will not hesitate to get up from this spot and kick your ass.”

 

            Tyler looked up at Brendon and raised an eyebrow, almost as if to challenge him and Brendon retorted with a glare. “I slaved. For hours, in that kitchen to make you a drink. The least you could do is taste it.”

 

            “You were in the kitchen for five minutes.”

 

            “Shut the fuck up.”

 

            Tyler finally rolled his eyes and brought the glass to his lips, taking a small sip before allowing his hands to settle back to his knees, glass in hand. The drink was indeed very fruity, but there was barely any taste of alcohol. But he could sure feel the slow burn that began to build up in his throat and stomach. Brendon’s smile of triumph brought a huge smile to Tyler’s face and he leaned further back into Josh’s chest, taking a larger sip and smiling.

 

            “How much alcohol is in this?” Tyler asked, swirling the light purple liquid around in the glass, watching as it fizzed with the added carbonation which Tyler assumed was some sort of soda added in.

 

            “The Purple Haze never tells, Joseph.”

\----

 

            Josh watched the features of Tyler’s face shift as he took in more of his drink, he listened as Tyler’s voice rose and the bright red rose to his cheeks with the influence of the alcohol. He watched as Tyler shifted from his lap and scooted over to kick Brendon in the shin and he laughed as the two boys began to wrestle on the dusty floor of the cabin, he made sure that none of them were actually hurting each other and he and Sarah began to cheer for their opposing boyfriends.

 

            The squeaks that were being released when Brendon tickled him or forced him on to his back sent a jolt of jealousy through his body, but he shrugged it off and pretended not to be bothered so he wouldn’t ruin the fun that Tyler was having with his best friend that he hadn’t seen in years until tonight. He was sure their friendship was definitely close like this beforehand, and he had no right to feel jealous. But he couldn’t fight off the feeling that spread throughout his chest.

 

\----

 

            Tyler looked up at Josh from under Brendon, his breathing was heavy and his eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at Josh through clouded eyes. He noticed that Josh was staring into the distance, his hands passing across the fabric of his torn jeans and he realized that something must have been wrong. Josh would usually refuse to allow his eyes to leave Tyler’s body, but he didn’t seem to be interested in any of this.

 

            He pushed Brendon off of himself, a small frown taking over his features as he crawled over to Josh, lifting up a finger to press to Josh’s nose. He watched as his boyfriend crinkled his nose against his finger, and he let out a high pitched giggle that he certainly did not intend to allow escape. Josh’s face lit up, and he pulled Tyler and his blurry eyes against his chest, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “ ‘m in love with you Joshie.” Tyler whispered against Josh’s neck, snuggling against his chest.

 

            “I’m in love with you too, baby boy.”

 

            Josh’s arms pulled him securely against his chest, running his fingers through Tyler’s soft hair. He rubbed small circles against Tyler’s forehead causing the smaller boy to let out soft noises of contentment. “m sleepy, can we go to bed?”

 

            Tyler looked up at Josh, his wide doe eyes bleary and innocent and Josh chuckled, pulling himself off the hardwood floor, a soft smile spread across his lips. He leaned down to lift the sleepy Tyler off of the ground and into his arms. He looked down at Brendon and he gave an approving nod, waving Josh off. Josh smiled wider and nodded, pressing a kiss to Tyler’s forehead before making his way towards their bedroom.

 

            When he reached the side of the bed he gently placed Tyler onto the mattress, watching as the boy snuggled himself under the blankets before reaching out his arms towards Josh, a small whine escaping his lips at the loss of contact. Josh didn’t hesitate before settling himself down onto the bed, completely clothed. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him close, resting his forehead against the smaller boys.

“I love you, Ty.”

 

            “Love you always, Jish.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways SO my best friend is a binch and she really wanted ty and josh to /FUCK/ in this fic so i finally gave in and let her write the fuckin smut herself so alas, in this chapter THEY FUUCK you're welcome 
> 
> (i'll signal the beginning and the ending with the |-/ u know the drill)
> 
>  
> 
> also, im not really proud of this chapter so im sorry if it's shitty. i started a job and i've been too busy to focus on writing so im really really sorry

The light shining in through the half-opened window causes Tyler to let out a loud groan, shifting uncomfortably before slowly fluttering his eyes open. He winced as the light violated his eyes and he pulled the blanket over his head. Tyler felt the shuffling of somebody on the bed beside him and melted into the touch as Josh’s arms came to rest around Tyler’s waist. “Are you okay?” Josh asked, his voice gravelly and rough with sleep.

 

            Tyler nodded and shuffled closer, resting his head against the bare skin off Josh’s shoulder, a small smile crossing his face as he tried to ignore the pounding of his head. He had just woken up but still managed to be completely and utterly exhausted. He opened his eyes under the blankets, the light still managing to stream through the pristine white sheets but being significantly less painful on Tyler’s eyes. He looked up at his boyfriend, his lips curving into a smile as he watched the taller boy’s face. Though he wasn’t sleeping his eyes were closed, he looked so incredibly peaceful. He reached a hand up to trace his fingers across Josh’s jaw, causing the taller boy to flutter his eyes open and look down at him.

                                                             

            Josh’s mocha eyes were soft and tired, but the smile that spread across his lips was warm and inviting. Josh leaned his head down to press a soft kiss to Tyler’s forehead, earning a noise of appreciation as Tyler pressed himself closer against Josh’s chest. Pressing soft kisses to Josh’s chin and cheeks, Josh’s laughter filled through the empty space.

 

            Only then did he fully dwell on the nausea that was wedging its way through his system. He let out a soft groan, pressing a thin hand to his forehead and leaning against Josh’s chest. Josh’s heavily muscled arms slid their way around Tyler’s waist, pulling him flush against the bare skin of his chest. Tyler nearly pulled away because of the overwhelming warmth, but he nestled against him once he realized that along with the warmth came comfort. “You okay, baby?”

 

            Tyler nodded his head against Josh’s chest, tracing his fingers along his arms as he pressed his forehead again

t his shoulder and allowing his eyes to flutter shut once again. He wasn’t sure it he was hung-over or not, but he was certain that he had a huge headache and he wanted to go back to sleep. Josh’s fingers made their way through Tyler’s hair, brushing the fluffy mess back as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to Tyler’s forehead. “Do you think you drank a little too much?”

 

            The laughter laced through Josh’s words made Tyler groan louder, pushing softly against his chest but still returning back to his embrace. “Listen. I barely drank, okay.” His voice lacked an arguing tone, furthering the laugh that spread through the room.

 

            “Regardless, you’re going to lay here and keep your eyes close and _relax_. And I’m going to go get you a glass of water and some Tylenol, and you’re going to fight this headache away over some breakfast, sound good?” A small smile spread across Tyler’s face as he nestled back into the blankets, letting out a soft noise of discontent as Josh began to break the contact between the two of them. Josh ducked back under the covers for a moment to press a soft kiss to Tyler’s forehead, before tossing the blanket playfully back over Tyler. Tyler let out a soft laugh before clutching his forehead and letting out a soft groan, pulling a spare pillow over his face.

 

\----

 

            When Josh returned to the bedroom they had been occupying, he was pleased and simultaneously disappointed to discover Tyler fast asleep beneath the soft down comforter. He smiled softly, placing the glass of cold water and two tablets on the end table on Tyler’s side of the bed. The water definitely wouldn’t be cold when he came around, but he was certain that Tyler wouldn’t mind one bit. He leaned over the sleeping figure of his boyfriend, adjusting the blankets around his small frame to make for ultimate comfort.

 

            He slowly made his way out of the bedroom, careful to avoid the floorboards that creaked significantly to make sure he didn’t do anything to wake Tyler. He successfully made it out of the bedroom and out towards the hallway. He wasn’t entirely surprised to see Brendon perched on one of the bar stools, his legs crossed over each other and his body pressed forward against the hard wood of the countertop. He looked up at Josh through wide eyes, a brilliant smile taking across his lips that Josh couldn’t help to return. “Good morning, sunshine!” Brendon chimed, his voice seemingly too excited for somebody who had just risen from sleep.

 

            “Morning, is Sarah still sleeping?” Brendon nodded his head, running a hand through his hair that had gone flat from lack of hairspray, he looked up at Josh and smiled. “She’ll be out for a few more hours, most likely.” He shrugged his shoulder and rested his elbow on the corner of the counter, placing his chin in the middle of his palm.

 

            “Tyler’s out like a light too. He had a headache when he woke up and I got up to bring him medicine and water and by the time I had returned he had once again fallen back asleep.” Josh chuckled softly as he reached into the fridge, pulling out the orange juice and searching the cupboards for a cup while Brendon swiftly reached across the table, grabbed the carton and took a large swig from it. Josh rolled his eyes, returning

with a tall glass, snatching the carton from Brendon’s hands. “That was gross, dude.”

 

            Brendon let a larger smile override the small one that was currently spread across his lips. “You’re gross, dude. And that’s typical Tyler, once we drank together and he woke up at 10 in the morning for maybe an hour, and then he fell asleep once again and slept until around 6 at night. I admire that man’s determination.”

 

            Josh let out a soft laugh, running his hand through his curly brown locks as he tossed the carton of orange juice back in the fridge. He was hoping that Tyler didn’t end up sleeping for the whole day; he was hoping that the four of them would be able to enjoy the lake for a few hours at least. He wouldn’t really mind if he did do that though, he would be able to get to know Sarah and Brendon better than he did. After all, he really didn’t know anything about the two of them whatsoever.

 

            “What’s on your mind, starshine?” Brendon asked, his voice maintaining a teasing tone as he caught sight of Josh’s blank stare into the distance. Josh shrugged his shoulder, placing his glass down and making his way around to the other s

ide of the counter, settling himself into the barstool beside Brendon. He drummed his fingers softly against the side of the counter, listening to the soft echo that the wood let off. “I was just thinking about how we wouldn’t be able to do anything all together if Tyler sleeps in.”

 

            “Him sleeping in is almost inevitable, Josh. He is an force who can never be woken from the darkest of slumbers. Anyways, I was hoping that me and you could make a daytrip today. I forgot a couple essentials and I know for a _fact_ that Tyler would have tried to convince me to go with you.” Brendon let out a soft laugh and nudged Josh’s arm with his elbow, the large smile that Josh was growing to appreciate so much spreading across his lips. Josh raised a questioning eyebrow.

 

            “Why would he have tried to convince you, wouldn’t you have just willingly gone? Should I be offended?” Brendon let out a loud laugh and tossed his head back, shooting a wink in Josh’s direction.

 

            “Don’t think of yourself so highly, kid. Nah, I definitely would have wanted to go with you. But Tyler’s always had this thing about me bonding with his partners, it’s slightly weird honestly. But he wouldn’t force himself to stay in a relationship with somebody unless they could maintain a healthy friendship with me. I’m sure it could have been what caused him and Jenna to fall to dust. I loathed her.” Brendon’s grimace showed plainly on his face and Josh could feel a bubble of sadness build within his chest.

 

            “He never told me about Jenna.” Josh’s voice seemed frightened, causing Brendon to look up from the phone that he was now fiddling with in his hands.

 

            “Reasonably so, he’s still pretty torn up about it. She led to most of his problems that come towards hating himself. She took a huge toll on him and he can’t bare speaking about her for long periods of time. That was a tough mess to get him out of, I don’t think he would have made it out of that if it hadn’t had been my forcefulness.” Brendon looked down at his hands, visibly upset but trying to keep it maintained.

 

            “Why did you hate her so much?”

 

            “Because I knew her. She used to be a close friend of mine when I was younger, and she managed to do basically the same thing to me as she did to Tyler, platonically though of course. She was hugely bordering on emotional abuse, fuck that. She was emotionally abusive. She’d manipulate him any chance she got, and somehow managed to convince Tyler it was his fault when she’d gotten bored and slept with a different guy. Tyler wouldn’t listen to me through this though; she had him wrapped around her little finger. Despite the outcome, he’s lucky he got out when he did.” Josh felt his breath hitch in his throat and he balled his hands around the baggy fabric of his t-shirt. He looked down at the tiled floor of the kitchen, his mind falling silent. Why wouldn’t Tyler tell him something like that? He understood not opening up old wounds, but the fact that Josh could have been helping him move past it if only he knew, was eating away at him. He took a deep breath and looked back towards Brendon.

 

            Brendon glanced over at Josh and gave a small sympathetic smile, before continuing on. “I left shortly after it happened, I helped him get through a small amount of what he had to deal with after their messy breakup. But, I wasn’t there enough. I’ve been meaning to ask him how he worked through it without me, but I don’t want to drop something like that here and ruin what good time we’ve had together already.” Brendon let out a loud sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.

 

            There was one thing that Josh knew for certain, and that was that he absolutely did not wish to speak about this topic any longer. There was an aching in his chest that was pushing itself deeper against his heart and he couldn’t stand it. Just the thought that somebody had hurt Tyler was enough to send his mind reeling, but the thought that somebody had hurt Tyler enough that he had lost track of his mental state for a while, slowly leading into the reactions he had to this day, drove Josh into an anger that he never wanted to admit. He cleared his throat and straightened up his back, looking towards Brendon with a halved smile.

 

            “I think he’s doing better than you’d think, he still has his moments but I’m sure he’s a lot stronger now. Anyways, what did you have in mind for a shopping list once we get to town?”

 

            “Let’s just fucking wing it, who _needs_ lists?”

 

\----

 

            Brendon was ready to leave before Josh was, leaning against the hood of Tyler’s car as he held as cigarette between his teeth. Josh had never seen Brendon smoke before, but he definitely seemed like the type who would, just to look cool. He raised an eyebrow questioningly at Brendon, and Brendon let out a low laugh, blowing a thick cloud of smoke in his direction earning a roll of the eyes out of Josh.

 

            Josh was slowly learning why Tyler was such good friends with Brendon, his humour was unexpected out out there, and despite his strong front of always looking angry about something significant, or the asshole-ish vibe he gave off. Brendon was undeniably a teddy bear. He couldn’t completely express how glad he was that he’d brought Brendon back into contact with his boyfriend, he was sure that Tyler needed a secondary sense of stability in his life, and he was glad that stability could be Brendon.

 

            Josh watched as Brendon flicked the end of his cigarette to the ground, tossing the end into a nearby trash bin. “Are you ready to go, asshole?”

 

            Brendon’s voice was joking and loud, causing a small smile to spread across Josh’s lips. “Took you long enough.”

 

\----

 

            Tyler woke to an empty room and a parched throat, in an environment that was not completely unfamiliar. But unfamiliar enough that the feeling of being alone in it sent a shiver of discomfort through his body. He felt the all too well known feeling of anxiety begin to bubble up in his chest as he looked around the room, squinting at the light and blinking through the headache that spread through his mind. He smiled softly at the glass of water to the left of his body, and he reached out for it; drinking as much as she could in one shot before he slid out of bed.

 

            An uncomfortable feeling spread across his chest as he stepped into the livingroom, his arms wrapping tightly around his middle as he walked through the kitchen. His eyes scanned every sitting place, every possible place that his boyfriend could be hiding in the shadows. He felt the sharp pain of anxiety bubbling up within him the more spaces he covered, when he looked outside and noticed his car was missing from the driveway, his breath caught in his throat.

 

            Tyler tried to force a deep breath through his lungs to no avail, he let out a shaky sigh and settled himself into the armchair that stood out looking the lake, his heart beat heavily in his chest and he scratched his nails against his arms searching for some sort of distraction. _What if he doesn’t come back? What if Brendon leaves again?_ His eyes widened as he stared blankly into the distance, a heavily staggered breath leaving his lungs.

 

            He held his shaking hands close against his chest, trying to force away the feeling that was slowly making its way through his body. **_Scaredscaredscaredscared._** Tyler flinched against the voice that spread it’s way through his head and he hummed softly, trying to force the sound out of his ears and away from his thoughts. He balled his hands into fists and shoved them into the pockets of his loose sweatpants, he leaned against the armchair and allowed his breaths to come out rough and uneven. As long as he was breathing that was all that mattered. He tried with everything inside of him to force the feelings deeper into nothingness. Alas, things weren’t working out the way he planned.

 

            So he just sat there, and waited.

 

\----

 

            Josh was convinced that by the end of their adventure through the cluttered aisles of the nearest supermarket from the cabin, that Brendon Urie existed _sorely_ to drain his bank account.

 

            He didn’t mind spending money on things that were essential of course, such as water bottles, food, things that contain the ability to be mixed with other ingredients to create dinners for multiple people. But spending his money on the hundreds of items that Brendon aimed into the cart from great distances away, was not exactly the best thing he chose to spend his money on. But Josh also had a huge problem, with saying no to people who wanted things.

 

            Brendon wore a smug smile across his face, his fingers drumming mindlessly against the dashboard as soft music played through the stereo. Josh found himself immersed in the sound of the engine he could vaguely feel vibrating through his body. He couldn’t help but wonder if Tyler had woken himself up yet, or if Sarah had done the honours while he was gone and woke him up. A part of him was also worried, wondering if his absence suddenly could have caused Tyler to grow upset, he felt a sharp jolt in his chest at the thought and shook his head gently.

 

            He felt something hard and significantly sharp dig into his side, and he glanced to the side out of the corner of his eye. Breaking his attention from his thoughts about Tyler to the man who sat impatiently in the passenger seat beside him.. “Are you purposefully ignoring me? Jesus, Josh. I’m almost offended.” Brendon’s voice echoed through the small space throughout the car and Josh couldn’t fight off the snort that escaped him.

 

            “As if, your highness. I _sincerely_ apologize for taking my full attention off of you for a few spare moments of my life. I am aware of the horrible _horrible_ mistake I have made by doing this. I hope you can forgive me.” Josh’s voice was laced with a sarcasm level he was sure he’d never reached before in his life, and he beamed at the look of pride that filled through Brendon’s facial features.

 

            “You’re excused; never make the mistake of displeasing me again.” Josh shook his head and focused his attention fully on the road once again, sighing in content when he realized that they’d finally be making it back the second they breached the end of the road.

 

            He knew it had only been a few hours, but the excitement that filled through him at being able to see Tyler once again filled through his system like the excitement that runs through a child’s body once they’re presented with candy, or a new toy. He shook his head softly and looked once again at the gravel road that spanned out for a short distance in front of them, he took a left turn and signed happily when he saw the wooden house standing a few metres in front of them.

 

            “You’re carrying in anything you chose to buy.” Josh smirked, leaning into the back seat to grab the two bags of stuff he had picked out for him and Tyler, watching as Brendon’s face contorted from happy to one of complete and utter disappointment.

 

            “How could you do this to me, Josh. I’ve done so much for you in the short three days that we have known each other physically. I feel betrayed.” Brendon feigned a look of betrayal and Josh snickered, rolling his eyes an stepping out into the chilly air. “I paid for it all, deal with it.”

 

\----

 

            Josh felt a strange wave waft over him as he stepped into the front door, his hands hung heavily at his sides under the weight of the bags hanging from his wrists. He looked around the empty space of the living room and walked across the hardwood floor, his eyes scanning every possible sitting place looking for a glimpse of his boyfriend. Josh caught sight of Sarah sitting on the counter, her legs hanging off the side. She was scrolling through something on her phone, seemingly uninterested. Sarah looked up when she noticed Josh, her hair falling softly from the messy bun knotted on the top of her head.

 

            She nodded softly and offered a faint smile, her eyes peeking towards the back door. Josh felt confusion take over his body as he shuffled over to her, dropping his two bags on the awaiting counter beside her. “Did you just wake up?” Josh asked, smiling politely as he began to unload his items as he looked over her, sneaking glances towards the back door multiple times.

 

            “A few hours ago. I think? You guys have been gone a really long time.” Josh let out a soft chuckle as he placed the drinks he had bought for him and Tyler in the fridge, the uneasy feeling creeping further into his bones as he looked at her unsure facial expressions. “Hey, listen.”

 

            Josh’s head snapped back up to face her as she spoke, quickly shutting the door to the fridge and offering her his undivided attention. “I don’t mean to worry you in any way, but I think you should check on Tyler, he’s been unbelievably upset all morning and I wasn’t really sure what to do. I kept checking on him to make sure he was safe and not in danger but he’s been out on the porch for a few hours. He was visibly shaking last time I checked on him, which was about fifteen minutes ago. Did something happen between you guys this morning or something?”

 

            Josh shook his head and swallowed roughly, already beginning to make his way towards the door. A small frown falling across his lips as he looked towards the back door. “I forgot to tell him I was leaving, I think it could have caused a bad reaction. Thank you so much for making sure he was safe, it means a lot.” Sarah nodded and gave an encouraging smile as Josh headed towards the back door.

 

            He was an idiot. Definitely one of the biggest idiots he had ever encountered in his life. His mind filled with the things Tyler could have been assuming since he noticed he had left, and his hands balled nervously into fists at his side. He had completely forgotten to leave a note for Tyler. Tyler had probably assumed that he was leaving, that him and Brendon had left and weren’t coming back and the feeling that spread through his chest chilled him to the bone.

 

            He wrapped his hand hesitentantly around the doorknob that lead to the backyard area, he took a deep breath before swinging the door open.

 

\----

 

            Tyler didn’t even flinch when he heard the loud creak of the door swinging open, his eyes stared distantly at the evergreen trees that laced the property surrounding the cabin. He assumed that the person who had opened the door was just Sarah making sure he was alright once again, he didn’t really mind her coming out to check on them. It was understandable, but at this point he just wanted to be left alone.

 

            “Ty?”

 

            Tyler felt his heart speed up at the voice that split through the silence, the voice that he loved so much. The only voice he’d ever known who could calm him down in a few simple notes or tones, the voice that had contributed to the light within his dark. He didn’t notice he had started crying again until Josh was on his knees in front of him, lifting his hands to press against Tyler’s red cheeks to wipe away the lines of wetness that were falling from his eyes.

 

            Josh’s arms wrapped around his waist and Tyler pushed himself forward. Tangling his hands in Josh’s hair as he pressed his face firmly against Josh’s shoulder, allowing a weak sob to escape his lips. Josh whispered sweet comforts against his temple, holding him tightly against his chest as he traced patterns across Tyler’s back, hoping to bring as much comfort to his boyfriend as he possibly could.

 

            “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Josh. I’m sorry.” The words fell effortlessly and quickly from Tyler’s lips, and Josh did nothing but pull him closer. Pressing soft kisses to every area of skin available for his lips to touch.

 

            “You did nothing wrong, baby boy. It’s okay. Don’t apologize to me, you’re okay. I’m here. I’m always here, I’m always coming back. I’m sorry, I should have at least sent you a text or left a note for you to read when you woke up.” Josh pressed his palms gently against the small of Tyler’s back, shifting their positions and settling himself into the chair Tyler once occupied, allowing Tyler to curl up against his chest.

 

            “You shouldn’t have to come back to this everytime you don’t. I shouldn’t get so scared but I can’t help it. I’m so scared one day you’re going to leave and you’re not going to come back and you’re going to forget about me or-“ Josh cut him off by pressing his lips gently to Tyler’s, stopping the words from falling from Tyler’s open mouth.

 

            “I can handle coming back to this every time as long as I let you know that I’m always doing just that, _coming back_.”

 

            Tyler’s voice caught in his throat as he began to argue back, before he pressed his forehead against Josh’s. A shuddering breath released itself from Tyler’s body and Josh smiled faintly, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of Tyler’s nose.

 

            “I love you, I’ll _always_ come back.”

 

            “I love you, I’ll _always_ be waiting for you.”

 

\----

|-/

 

            Tyler sat down on the queen sized bed and allowed himself to sink in to the mattress that was probably a bit too soft to be deemed comfortable by anyone with a sense of pain and a backbone. He quietly hummed a tune out loud to himself while he removed his socks and shoes, placing them neatly by the bedroom door. Josh had been in the bathroom running water for a few minutes already, and Tyler assumed he was brushing his teeth and would be out shortly. Knowing this he quickly changed out of his skinny jeans and oversized hoodie which may or may not have belonged to josh and made quick work of throwing on a pair of oversized sweatpants, which just so happened to hang dangerously low on his hips.  
  
Just as he was debating putting on a shirt he noticed the water had stopped and felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him. Normally this would've caused him to become startled and jump forward but that's a bit hard to achieve when you're wrapped in someone's arm so instead he settled for a low shriek.  
  
Josh let out a giggle and leaned farther into Tyler, resting his head on the smaller boys shoulder. Tyler felt that josh could quite possibly be too pure for this world but his thoughts were interrupted when he felt his boyfriend plant a soft kiss on his neck. He suddenly felt teeth and realized josh was attempting, no, succeeding to give him a hickey. This pulled a low moan from Tyler, which was a noise he'd never really heard leave his body before. He quickly felt his face heat up at the realization of the sound he just made in front of his boyfriend, but once again any thoughts or embarrassment he was feeling was immediately cut off by the fact josh had flipped Tyler around to face him and was now leaving a trail of love marks down Tyler's neck and chest.  
  
Josh's hands had found place on each side of Tyler's hips and were gently yet firmly holding him in place. The smaller boy’s hands found their way into Josh's thick brown hair and he allowed himself to pull at the locks just enough to get the attention of his boyfriend, who looked startled and confused to be stopped from his tedious work.  
  
“Fuck, shit, Ty I'm sorry I should have stopped sooner to make sure you were okay with where this was going, I-“  
  
Josh was cut short by Tyler gently placing a hand on his cheek and rubbing a small circle on his soft skin, just barely missing the day old stubble that had started appearing farther down on his face.  
  
“Josh I- I want this Its just- I don't know what I'm doing andI'veneverdonethisbeforeandI'm scaredI'llmessthingsup.” Tyler let out with a shaky breath.  
  
Josh just blinked in awe before slowly standing up straight and gently taking ahold of each of Tyler's smooth arms.  
  
“Tyler, you could never mess things up baby boy. I understand you're scared but we're doing this together, and only if you're ready and want to. And to be honest I've never done this before either, but I couldn't be happier that my first time is with you because you're the only person I love this much. We’ll take it slow and learn together. If you're ready, that is?” Josh supplied with a raised eyebrow that Tyler knew was meant in a caring, concerned manner, not a judgmental one.  
  
“I-I'm ready” Tyler said with as much reassurance in his voice as he could muster before standing up on his tip toes to press a soft yet needy kiss to Josh's lips.  
  
Josh spared no time returning the kiss and deepening it while grabbing on to Tyler's waist and slowly walking them back towards the bed. Josh's tongue was now frantically fighting for dominance against Tyler's, which only lasted a few seconds before he won and allowed himself to explore Tyler's mouth, drawing another low moan from the boy, no, his boy. Josh felt Tyler's legs hit the back of the bed and slowly started pushing Tyler down until josh was on top of him and balancing on both elbows, one on each side of Tyler's head.  
  
Tyler whined at the loss of contact as josh manoeuvred them into a more comfortable position on the bed, however he liked this placement and wasn't going to complain. Instead he focused on the fact he could now feel Josh's manhood pressed against his thigh, and let a small gasp escape his lips when Josh grinded down on to him and let out a low moan. Tyler felt his face flush when he realized Josh was staring at him with enlarged pupils full of lust and leaned in to connect their lips once again. Tyler's hands landed in Josh's hair, tugging gently at the golden brown locks and Josh's hands found their way to cup Tyler's face gently as the kiss intensified.  
  
They continued on like this for a few minutes before Tyler couldn't bear the strain of his pants against his semi hard dick, and he know Josh was probably feeling the same by the way he kept grinding down on his crotch, in what he assumed was an attempt to release friction. Tyler gently pulled away from Josh and was met with a brief flash of confusion across Josh's face soon followed by a wordless understanding.  
  
Josh leaned back on his legs and ripped off his snugly fit Henley shirt before pulling off his skinny jeans and boxers in one swift movement, throwing them to some corner of the room to be forgotten about until the next morning.  
  
Tyler let his gaze wander up and down his newly naked boyfriend, admiring the way his muscles rippled when ever he so much as slightly moved, or the way his body seemed to almost glow. He felt a blush creep up his neck when he realized he had spent a bit too long staring at Josh's erect cock in the process. While Tyler was intrigued about his boyfriend’s dick in general he couldn't help admire how the tip was an angry red colour that faded its way down the shaft, or how a drop of pre cum glistened on the tip. His thoughts were interrupted by a low cough and Tyler quickly removed his eyes from josh’s dick and looked up to see Josh smirking at him with his arms now folded over his chest, making him look even hotter if that was possible.  
  
“I think it's time we get rid of those sweatpants baby.” Josh supplied in a low gravely voice Tyler had never heard him use before, and whether he would ever admit it or not it definitely sent a jolt of electricity straight to his already hard dick.  
  
As much as Tyler wanted Josh and to give all of his self to him he couldn't help but start to panic inside when Josh's hands started pulling at the loose fabric around his hips. He feared that Josh wouldn't like his body, he was already mortified enough that he had seen him shirtless. In comparison to his boyfriend who practically looked like a god he felt disgusted by his own body. The dark thoughts soon started clouding his mind and he couldn't push away the nagging voices that chanted in his mind, over and over again.  
  
****_“You're disgusting. Your body is a joke compared to his. He's going to hate you if you let him see all of you. You don't deserve him when you look like that.”  
_  
Tyler didn't even realize he was crying until he felt Josh's hands wrap around him, bringing his thin body up against the larger boys chest. He let another sob wrack his body as Josh soothed him, switching back and forth between running his fingers through his hair and whispering reassurances. Tyler felt foolish and even more disgusting than before but managed to stop crying enough to look up at Josh with red rimmed eyes.  
  
“ ‘m sorry I'm such a big baby, I ruined everything.” Tyler sniffled.  
  
“Tyler, you didn't ruin anything, you could never ruin anything, but please tell me what upset you so much.” Josh murmured into Tyler's soft hair.  
  
Tyler couldn't think straight. Josh would probably laugh at him for being so over reactive and for all he knew he would end it right here and now, I mean he cried during foreplay for gods sake.  
  
Josh took Tyler's silence as a bad sign and started to panic, searching the boys’ eyes for hopefully an answer.  
  
“Are we going too fast? Oh god I pressured you too much, didn't I? Fuck. I'm so sorry Ty I-“  
  
“No! I mean, it's not you Josh, it's me. I-I feel so gross in comparison to you, your body is so amazing and you're so perfect and I'm just- I don't know what I am but I'm nothing compared to you. I was worried you would laugh at me when I took my sweatpants off. I'm sorry for being so stupid.” Tyler whispered.  
  
Josh couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Tyler really think his body was gross? How was that even possible, Tyler was perfect in every way.  
  
“Tyler, I'm so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I didn't know you had body issues. I just can't believe someone so perfect as you can't see how beautiful you truly are, and I would never laugh at you, and you aren't stupid either.” Josh stated in a matter-of-fact tone.  
  
Tyler blushed at Josh's comments but he didn't feel they were true. Josh was the perfect one, not him. He couldn't stand the embarrassment any longer with Josh's eyes boring a hole into his skull, and defeated tucked his head back in to Josh's chest.  
  
“Tyler please look at me. You have to believe me that you're beautiful. I would never lie about that. Please, just tell me what I can do or say to help make you feel better.” Josh begged.  
  
The smaller boy remained silent, and Josh decided he would take matters in to his own hands. He slowly bent his head down until his mouth was against Tyler's ear, and he allowed himself to nibble at the sensitive skin, hoping it would feel good and get the boys attention. Tyler jumped at the contact and Josh smirked before leaning in closer and whispering in his ear.  
  
“If you won't believe me than how about I show you how perfect you are to me?”  
  
This elicited a soft gasp from Tyler, telling Josh that he must be doing something right. He gently pulled back from Tyler enough to position himself at the younger boy’s neck and his hands found their way to gently grasp Tyler's waist. Josh smirked when Tyler yelped in surprise as he began nibbling at the sensitive bruises that had since formed. He soon felt Tyler's body relax and took it as a good sign as he continued trailing marks down the smaller boys chest and rib cage, taking special care to let his teeth gently graze over Tyler's nipple, which in turn was met with a series of small whines from the boys mouth.  
  
Josh continued manoeuvring his way down Tyler's body, rotating between placing small kisses and licking trails across his smooth, caramel skin. When he had finished placing extremely light kisses down the trail of golden blonde hair below Tyler's navel(which he could tell was driving Tyler crazy by the series of gasps and moans that came in return)he stopped and leaned back on his calves and waited.  
  
Tyler slowly opened his eyes which he didn't remember closing in the first place and blinked as he looked up at Josh who appeared to be waiting for something.  
  
“W-Why did you stop?” Tyler questioned the taller boy.  
  
“I just wanted to make sure you were ready now. I-I don't want you to feel pressured or anything. Ever. Please believe me when I say you're beautiful and I'll always love you no matter what.” Josh supplied in return.  
  
“I’m ready this time. I promise.” Tyler replied quietly.  
  
That was all Josh needed to hear as he leaned in to Tyler and cupped the back of his neck before delivering a gentle kiss that quickly turned heated. Josh pulled away from his boyfriend and tugged at the loose fabric hanging from his hips. He was able to slide the baggy sweatpants off quite easily given Ty was already on his back, and once off haphazardly tossed them to the side of him. Where they landed he didn't really give a shit.  
  
Josh was now looking up and down Tyler's body and he squirmed under the taller boys gaze. His cock had sprung free and was now flush to his stomach, and he could feel the precum dripping on to his skin leaving a sticky patch of liquid. Josh still hadn't said anything, he was just starring at Tyler's body with a dark look in his eyes that Tyler couldn't quite place. Lust? No, it was more than that. The voices arguing in his head settled on hunger. Yes, that's what it was in his boyfriends eyes. Hunger. But this discovery was not helping the straining feeling in his dick.  
  
“Josh please I- fuck please just touch me or someth-“ Tyler was cut off by Josh manoeuvring himself over the boys lower half and promptly licking a line up the shaft of his cock before taking the head in his mouth, maintaining eye contact the entire time.  
  
Tyler gasped out at the sensation of his boyfriends warm mouth and tongue licking and swirling around the most sensitive part of his dick and tried his best not to buck upwards into Josh, worried he'd hurt him.  
  
 Josh continued moving his mouth down tylers shaft feeling pleased as his actions elicited small moans and grunts from his boyfriend. He started to bob up and down and soon he felt the presence of Tyler's hands twisted into his hair gently pulling and tugging at the strands. He made sure to look up only occasionally now as he wanted to concentrate on making Tyler feel good. He could tell though that it was driving Tyler crazy seeing Josh's mouth wrapped around him. Josh was so turned on by the fact he was giving so much please to his boy that he could feel his stomach coiling and precum leaking from his now painfully erect cock.  
  
He pulled off Tyler with a loud “pop” despite the smaller boys protests and moved up until he was hovering just above Tyler's face, planting a deep kiss on his lips.  
  
“Fuck I-Josh fuck I want you inside of me. Please.” Tyler gasped as Josh moved away from his mouth.  
  
“If that's what you want baby boy. It's gonna hurt a little at first but I promise you I'll be as gentle as possible, okay?” Josh replied as he searched Tyler's eyes. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, perhaps any hesitance, but all he found was lust and desire and he know it was for him.  
  
“Yesyesyes I want it so bad, I want you so bad Joshie.” Tyler stated in a soft voice.  
  
That was all Josh needed to hear before he reached over into the beside table drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom, placing the foil wrapper on the bed beside Tyler and pulling off the cap on the lube. When Josh turned around he wasn't expecting to see Tyler up on all fours in the middle of the bed with a blush spread across his face and he practically came right there just seeing Tyler so vulnerable like that, for him.  
  
He moved over to the smaller boy and pulled him back into a passionate kiss before quickly moving so he was positioned behind Tyler once again. He quickly poured some of the slippery liquid onto his hand and coated his middle and index finger until they were covered enough to his satisfaction.  
  
“I’m going to put some lube on uh, uhm, on you, alright? It might be a little cold but it shouldn't hurt yet.” Josh provided reassuringly to Tyler before slowly you massaging some lube onto Tyler's hole.  
  
Tyler shivered at the contact of the cold liquid against his sensitive area but it started to feel warmer as Josh worked it around. He let out a soft gasp when Josh slowly inserted a finger until he could feel the older boys knuckle against his skin. Josh continued to slowly pump his finger in and out of his boyfriend before slowly adding another digit causing to Tyler to let out a long, low moan of pleasure.  
  
 As Josh began to speed up the pace Tyler continued to let out low moans of pleasure and little “uh”s whenever his boyfriend brushed his fingers against his prostate. Tyler couldn't remember the last time he had felt this much pleasure, and Josh hadn't even fucked him yet. He decided that need to change, and fast.  
  
“J-Josh I-ah-I need-uh-you” Tyler gasped out between moans as Josh continued working his hole.  
  
Josh felt that familiar coiling sensation in his stomach again at the sound of Tyler practically begging for his cock, for him. He wasted no time in ripping off the corner of the foil packet he had thrown on the bed earlier and slowly rolling the condom over his now painfully erect dick.  
  
Tyler hesitantly wiggled his hips hoping it would attract Josh's attention as he grew impatient, hoping the taller boy would just hurry up already. He needed his boyfriend so bad.  
  
“I’m going to put the tip in and then slowly push in from there, okay? I-I think if you try relaxing your muscles it should hurt less.” Josh stated hoping he wouldn't hurt the younger boy.  
  
He and Tyler moaned simultaneously as Josh inserted the head of his cock into Tyler's hole, and fuck he was so tight.  
  
“Are you okay baby boy? I'm not hurting you am I?” Josh questioned Tyler hesitantly.  
  
Tyler didn't say anything, no, he couldn't say anything, because it would just come out in a jumble of words. Instead he moaned in satisfaction and shook his head back and forth to indicate to his boyfriend to keep going.  
  
Josh continued to push in farther until he felt himself bottom out, and he couldn't help the “Fuck, Ty you're so tight” that fell from his lips accompanied by a low groan of pleasure.  
  
Tyler could barely see straight, his boyfriends cock in him felt so good, and why the fuck hadn't they done this sooner is all he could manage to think. Josh was so big, and he felt full from this new sensation of having his boyfriend inside of him. Tyler groaned as Josh began to slowly pull out before thrusting back in, and oh fuck that must be my prostate, Tyler thought to himself when Josh hit a spot that sent jolts of electricity straight to his dick. He moaned out loud a mixture of “fuck”s and “Josh”s when the older boy began to quicken the pace.  
  
“You're kind of quiet-uh-baby-uh-boy. Stop holding back.” Josh moaned into Tyler's ear.  
  
Tyler moaned in understanding and began to let whatever came to his mind fall from his lips. He wasn't holding back anymore.  
  
“Fuck Josh you're so big, fuck, you feel so good.” Tyler whined.  
  
Josh grunted at this and began thrusting harder, aiming to hit his boyfriends prostate every time.  
  
Tyler smiled and made a mental note for next time that Josh clearly loved being praised.  
  
“Your cock feels so good in me, please don't stop” the younger boy moaned aloud, followed by a “fuck me harder, please, harder Joshie”.  
  
While Josh loved that Tyler was no longer holding back he felt at this rate he probably wouldn't last long. Every time Tyler moaned something his dick twitched inside of the boy, and he grabbed onto his hips to help steady him from losing control.  
  
Tyler let out another moan accompanied by multiple “Joshie”s every time his boyfriends cock brushed that sweet spot inside of him.  
  
That was it. Josh knew he wouldn't last much longer. He slowed down his thrusts until he was completely still inside the younger boy.  
  
“Why’d you stoooppp?” Tyler whined at the lack of movement.  
  
“I want to flip you over on to your back. I wanna make you feel good baby boy.” Josh replied before pulling out of Tyler and flipping the smaller boy onto his back all in one swift move. He couldn't help but laugh at the startled look on the boys face when he realized he was now on his back with his legs in the air, one over each of Josh's shoulders.  
  
Tyler looked up at Josh with wide eyes and felt a blush creep across his face when he saw the look of admiration in his boyfriends eyes.  
  
“What are you waiting for?” Tyler managed to ask in a small voice.  
  
“Right. Sorry, you're just so beautiful is all.” Josh murmured in return causing Tyler's blush to deepen.  
  
Josh lined himself back up with his boyfriend’s entrance and pushed in swiftly before pulling out and plunging back in causing Tyler to let out a series of low moans and groans. He was gripping Tyler's hips trying to keep the movements slow as possible but after a few seconds he could feel his orgasm started to bloom. Leaving one hand to steady him on Tyler's hip he wrapped the other around the younger boy’s dick and began slowly jerking him off.  
  
Tyler gasped out in surprise and began thrusting into Josh's hand with each plunge of the older boys cock inside of him. At this point Tyler was almost positive the sounds he was making didn't sound human any more but couldn't bring himself to really care. He felt Josh speed up the pace again and felt the coiling feeling in his stomach starting to intensify.  
  
“J-Josh, oh fuck-fuck, I-I think I'm gonna-uh-cum” Tyler gasped out between moans.  
  
“Me too baby boy. Let yourself go, cum for me.” Josh half growled half moaned as he quickened the pace of his hand around Tyler's cock.  
  
“JoshJoshJoshJoshie” Tyler moaned as his orgasm ripped through him. He tensed as he felt himself releasing hot sticky fluid all over his stomach and Josh's hand, and white clouded his eyes like fireworks exploding.  
  
The older boy watched in awe as Tyler shot white ribbons of cum all over his own chest and Josh's hand, and it sent him over the edge. He grunted and tightened his grip on his boyfriend’s thighs as he felt himself spill into the condom inside of Tyler. His pace slowed as he rode the orgasm out and eventually stopped completely before pulling out causing Tyler to groan from what he assumed was now oversensitivity.  
  
Josh quickly tied the condom off and tossed it in the garbage before returning to Tyler with a damp wash cloth. He gently cleaned off the younger boy making sure he was gentle where he knew Tyler would now be sensitive before doing the same to himself. Once he had thrown the used cloth back into the bathroom he returned to the bed and pulled Tyler in for a passionate kiss before wrapping his arms around his boyfriends waist.  
  
Tyler's eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Josh's arms wrapping around him, enveloping him in warmth and the smell of the older boys body wash.  
  
“How do you feel?” Josh whispered to Tyler in a gravelly voice.  
  
“Exhausted. But good. It was good.” Tyler said before quickly adding on “You were good.”. He blushed at the idea that Josh was just inside of him not five minutes ago and now they were cuddling naked. He wasn't complaining though.

  
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, baby boy” The older boy replied before leaning in to kiss Tyler deeply.  
  
Once they had pulled away from the kiss Tyler buried his head into Josh's, his Josh’s, chest and let out a sigh of utter content.

 

 

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

   

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on my phone because I'm a piece of shit and broke both of my laptops, expect an update sometime this week! I already have the next chapter written !

Tyler found himself rising from the sweet confines of sleep far too early for his liking. His brain was disagreeing with being allowed to move around freely at this point, but his body was far too jittery to stand still. He fluttered his eyes open after allowing himself a few moments to cope with the idea of being fully awake, he squinted into the darkness as he waited for his vision to come into focus. Tyler's body came to a halt as he felt the movement of his boyfriend on the bed next to him, the last thing he wanted to do at this point in time was to rouse Josh from his sleep. Though very unlikely an occurrence, Tyler knew Josh would be far from thrilled if he were to wake up in the middle of the night because Tyler had woken at an unruly time.

Once Tyler realized that he was fully in the clear, he pushed the sheets gently away from his frail body, swinging his legs over the edge and rising to his feet, cringing at the cold as it nipped at his exposed ankles. He gently padded towards the door, looking back to take one last look at the sleeping mound of angel who had curled around the position he had once laid. Tyler had never been so glad that a door wasn't creaky in his life than he was when he swung the door open all too quickly, a small squeak falling from his lips before he could stop it. (Resulting in a firm hand clamped over pouty lips.)

The small boy didn't bother with flipping the lights on as he walked down the hallway towards the main room, his feet tapping quietly against the stained hardwood as he made his way towards the bay window overlooking the lake. A small smile grew on his face as he looked towards the mountain range, seeing the reds and blues that were slowly rising to the surface off in the horizon. Something about those colors reminded him of home. The home that he had found within Josh.

A timid smile spread across his face as he watched the soft waves of the lake ascend towards the shore, the movement calming and incredibly beautiful. He settled himself down into a sitting position against the oversized windowsill, the wood was uncomfortable against his back and the bac of his thighs but he slowly adjusted to the uncomfortable sitting position. His face pressed against the cold glass as his gaze fell against the cotton candy and strawberry juice sky. He couldn't fight the mezmorization that fell across his expression.

“You're looking at the sunrise the same way I've seen you looking at Josh, something about that is so entirely adorable that I feel nauseous.”

Brendon's hushed voice spread through the small space between them, causing Tyler to jump in shock and knock his head against the glass, a grimace spreading across his once peaceful stature. Brendon's laughter filled through the air, his large hand coming to clamp over his mouth to prevent him from waking up anybody else within the house. But soon Tyler's laughter join's his and he's scooting across the windowsill to leave room for Brendon to join him.

Brendon's lanky body slides into the spot beside Tyler, their bare feet tangled together as the lean against opposing ends of the window. Tyler sent a weak smile in Brendon's direction, one that was quickly returned along with a playful wink. Tyler couldn't stop his eyes from rolling into his head. Brendon's soft laughter was like music to his ears and he smiled softly once again before training his eyes back towards the water.

“You couldn't sleep either?”

Tyler shook his head at Brendon's words, his eyes tracing the mountain range that overlooked the mountain. He could feel a migraine building at the corner of his eyes but he forced the feeling down and fluttered his eyes shut, pressing his forehead to the cool glass once again, releasing a soft sigh that seemed to echo off all of the surrounding walls. There was an unsettled feeling that was beginning to start before Brendon had sat down next to him, but he wasn't sure what emotion he could place the feeling on, what event was causing that sort of reaction? He swallowed deeply once his mind ran over the thought, the realization; that they were going home today. Tyler wasn't going to see Brendon for quite some time and god, was he ever going to miss him.

“Get outta your head, Ty.” Tyler's eyes opened slowly to face the relaxed expression falling against Brendon's features. He shook his head and allowed himself to smile openly. Brendon knew him far too well, to somebody else other than Josh he was assured that they would only assume he was intrigued with the way the waves moved. But it seemed that he always fell victim to his own head. Brendon knew that better than anyone, and he always knew that getting Tyler to talk hurt him less than his silence.

Tyler debated speaking to Brendon about what was bothering him for a while, as long as he's known Brendon he was always worried that his emotions would be passed along for something else. That Brendon would find his thoughts meaningless and unimportant, and even though he never had; Tyler couldn't fight the worry that filled into his chest like black tar. “I don't want to go home, Beebo. I want to live here with Josh and you and Sarah, forever. I know it's unrealistic but I'd rather stay here where I feel loved and safe and in the arms of people who care than go back home and sit in my empty house that I'm still not sure how we afford. With a mother who hasn't even texted me to make sure I'm okay and a father who hasn't been home in weeks, without so much of a phone call or a text. With a family that I'm probably going to lose the second they find out about Josh. Josh makes me feel so happy, he's the only thing that's made me feel like this in years. But I'm scared Mom and Dad are going to find out and he's going to be stripped away from me.”

Tyler hadn’t noticed the tears welling in his eyes and falling from his cheeks until Brendon had leaned forward, brushing a soft but calloused finger across Tyler's cheeks and hushing him gently as a sob was released from Tyler's already sore throat. Tyler leaned forward, resting his head against Brendon's bony knees but not fighting the feeling it sent through his head. Brendon's fingers brushed through Tyler's hair, muttering quiet comforts under his breath as he carded his fingers gently through the tangled mess of Tyler's hair. Tyler let out a soft groan of distress as Brendon accidentally pulled a knot out from his hair.

“The worst thing they could do to you Tyler is kick you out, and I can promise you that as difficult as that would be and as hard it would be on your mental health. The people you surround yourself with and the people who would be willing to help you move through it is something you'd never expect. No matter what happens once your parents find out, you'll cross that bridge when you get to it. I'll always be here for you, nothing would stop me from driving cross country at the smallest signal that you might not be alright. I'm sure Josh would be the exact same way. You've got more support than you believe you do. I love you man, and you'll get through the loneliness eventually. Maybe you'll have a small apartment with Josh someday, a bunch of cats and hell maybe even a kid! I never thought I'd have a girlfriend who genuinely cares about me and not sex, and I used alcohol to escape my feelings and destroyed my body slowly in the affect of feeling less alone. And now I'm happier than I've ever been.”

Tyler let out a sniffle, lifting his head from Brendon's knees for a spare moment to rub the heels of his hands against his eyes, relieving some of the pressure that he felt against them. He offered a weak smile at Brendon when he caught the saddened expression that had fallen over him. “Thank you, I'm sorry I'll be okay in a little bit. I'm just overwhelmed right now, and I'm not so ready to go back to missing you again. It's gonna suck not seeing you everyday.”

Brendon passed an overexcited look in Tyler's direction, a huge grin spreading across his lips as he grabbed Tyler's hands. “I'll call you every night, I swear on my fucking life. You can call me when your sad and you can ask for advice and I'll give you everything you need until we can meet once again. It'll be so rewarding once I get to physically see you once again. It'll work out, T-Bag.”

“I believe you, B. And hey, I love you too.”

Brendon reached forward to ruffle Tyler's hair, his laughter filling the thin confines of the room.

\----

The first thing Josh noticed when he rose from bed, besides the brightness of the sun shining through the sheer curtains. Was the absence of warmth, of a body; positioned in the bed next to him. He lifted himself off from the bed, pulling the loose t-shirt from the night before off the ground and tugging it over his head. He didn't really care much what he looked like, nobody here would care and it wasn't as if it was a special occasion. He rubbed at his eyes with the backs of his hands, a loud yawn falling from his lips as he stepped out

into the even brighter hallway, wincing as the light hit his face.

He looked around in confusion, his eyes tracing every open space searching for the slightest glimpse of his boyfriend. He wasn't too terribly worried, he knew that Tyler was fully capable of handling himself but he was still stressed out nonetheless, not knowing where Tyler was wasn't something he enjoyed too much. He turned the corner and into the kitchen, hoping to find the bottle of Starbucks coffee that he had purchased at the store with Brendon, but a small snore startled him from his original positioning. Josh turned around in confusion, brushing brown messy curls from his face as his eyes landed on the source of the noise. The smile that spread across his face was so wide it almost hurt.

Tyler's head was settled in an uncomfortable position against Brendon's knees, his arms wrapped loosely around the taller boy's thin legs. His back was hunched and his knees were pulled tightly against his chest. He was sure that he was going to wake up more sore than he'd ever like to, but perhaps Brendon was worse off. His lanky arms were loosely wrapped around Tyler's body, his right hand curled tightly around a tuft of Tyler's head. His back was straight against the wall, but something was digging into his back. His mouth hung open and snores filled the air, Josh couldn't fight off the laughter that spread through his body. He clamped a hand over his mouth when a loud groan sounded from the smaller boy, Tyler's head lifted slowly off of Brendon's knee. A look of confusion spread across his face as he lifted his head, glancing at Brendon's opened mouth and then towards Josh who was watching with amusement.

“He couldn't sleep, I couldn't sleep. Now I guess here we are.”

Josh’s laughter spread through the room once again.

\----

Shaky laughter and tearful goodbyes spread through the air within the next few hours, Sarah and Josh had spent their time packing every last item from the cabin into the back of Brendon’s old beater. Though they weren't exactly thrilled with being placed on the task, nobody wanted to interfere with the conversation Brendon and Tyler were having. It'd be a while before they saw each other again, they hadn't need to be asked but they carried on with a level of silent understanding.

Brendon and Tyler were sitting on the edge of the dock, their feet dipped into the lukewarm water as Josh glanced over his shoulder every few seconds to check on them. Sarah smiled each time she caught Josh in the act, but she had never spoken a word.

“You know, I'm glad Tyler's finally found someone like you. You make him so incredibly happy, in every story Brendon told me about Tyler, he was never happy.” Her frown was visible throughout her words, but she didn't elaborate, leaving Josh to question exactly what she had meant. He wasn't exactly sure he wanted to hear what she had to say anyways.

Sarah seems to understand that Josh wanted to know more, so without him trying to speak she continued along with her statement. “He never had somebody who loved him, people would pick him up like a shiny new toy and throw him away when they got bored, when they didn't get what they wanted. Jenna for instance, I heard about her. I didn't know much but I know that she was quite the horrible person. Tyler's never had a chance at trust, at love. And now here you are, picking up the pieces and putting him back together again.” Her smile was timid, Josh’s was ethereal.

Josh's words struggled to file out through his mouth, so after allowing his mouth to hang open for a few spare seconds he brought it to a close. Bowing his head in embarrassment of the way he was reacting. A small smile spread across his face as he looked back up to Sarah's welcoming gaze. “You know, I've always felt like I'm not going to be enough for Tyler. That one day I'm not going to be able to silence the voices in his head or calm down his heart from beating out of his chest during an attack. But I think all that matters is that I can now, and I'll always try my hardest to get him there.”

Sarah nodded in agreement as Josh spoke, allowing him to finish his sentence before she spoke once again.

“I think you're the only one that can get him there. You're the one. You always will be.”

\----

Tyler was dragged from his thoughts when he felt something cold and wet splash against the side of his face, he let out a disgruntled groan and reached up to pick the offending item off his face, grimacing as he pulled a slimy leaf from what he would only assume was the surface of the water off of his cheek. He sent a pointed glare in Brendon's direction, and the boy with the long legs and puffy hair just shrugged his shoulder and sent one back. “You're doing it again, Joseph. Locked inside your head, set yourself free for once.”

Tyler let out a loud huff of air, kicking the water in front of him just so he could watch the translucent droplets fall and splash back to their place of belonging. “I'm sorry, I'm just gonna miss you a lot. I'm gonna miss this place. I'm gonna miss your girlfriend. This is a lot.”

“We're gonna be back soon T-Bag, don't you worry your pretty little mind.” Brendon spread his body across the end of the dock, dipping his head to press his forehead against Tyler's thigh, rousing a laugh from the boy.

“Besides, you'll see lots of me. I'll send you stupid messages during the day, send you awful selfies with awful snapchat filters when you're sad. You know, the usual best friend stuff.” Brendon reached up to press a hand to the side of Tyler's face, smiling softly against Tyler's thigh.

“You're going to be okay, I promise.”

“Eventually, I hope.”

\----

The expression on Tyler's face as he watched Brendon's car roll out of the driveway and onto the dirt path that led them out, genuinely broke Josh's heart. Tyler's eyes stood frozen on the road where the driveway broke, staring into empty space as he watches the leaves blow through the trees and a few small bunnies scatter their way across the gravel. The crestfallen expression stood still against Tyler's tanning cheeks, and Josh couldn't resist any longer. He moved towards the smaller boy, pushing himself in front of him and cupping his cheeks within his hands. Josh hesitantly pressed his lips to Tyler's, sighing in content as Tyler's arms slithered around his back, the tenseness in Tyler's bones melting from ice to water as he pulled him close against his chest.

Josh pulled away reluctantly after a few moments, taking a second to press his forehead against Tyler's, his mocha eyes scanning through Tyler's chocolate ones. The sadness in Tyler's eyes still stuck through, but the smile across his face was undeniably real. His voice was timid and broken when he finally spoke.

“Will you hold my hand while you drive?”

“Now who would I be to deny you that?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! New chapter!! This made me sad to write!! 
> 
> Tw: homophobia, self harm, child abuse(?) yeah ok stay safe ily all 
> 
> |-/ signifying beginning and end of it once again
> 
> k helped me write this because I can't write conflict (((;

Josh took a deep breath as he dropped the heaviest, and final bag of Tyler's belongings on the messy floor of his boyfriend's bedroom. Letting out a loud sigh as he dropped himself on to the bed resting against the wall behind him. Sure, he was going to miss the lake more than anything, but he was glad to be home, well, almost home. He settled himself into Tyler's bed, pulling the blanket around himself and burying himself within the softness of the pillow. He watched the doorway as he did so, waiting for Tyler to turn around the corner and join him under this mess of blankets and pillows. Josh fluttered his eyes closed, leaning his head against the headboard as he allowed his body to relax. 

“You spent so much time with me this past week, I'm surprised you didn't sprint out the door like an Olympic athlete during a race.” Josh snorted softly and allowed his eyes to blink a few times before he focused on where Tyler stood, hands on his hips in the doorway of the bedroom. Josh opened up his arms as an invitation for Tyler to join him, and his heart skipped a beat as he watched the soft smile spread across Tyler's lips. God, he would never tire of seeing that smile. 

 

Tyler made his way across the room, his legs making quick work as he pulled himself onto the bed beside Josh, allowing the arms of his boyfriend to wrap comfortably around his awaiting waist. He let out a sigh of content as he settled his head against Josh’s chest, allowing Josh to rest his chin against his forehead; ignoring the slight scratchy feeling that his stubble made against his soft skin. He lifted a hand to rest against Josh’s cheek, brushing a thumb across the rougher skin that lined his face. “I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed that trip, Josh. Thank you for forcing me out of the house. I miss experiencing things like that.” 

Josh smiled softly and looked down at Tyler, moving his chin from Tyler’s face to press a soft kiss to the top of his hair, beginning to rub small circles against his back with the hand that wasn’t wrapped firmly around Tyler’s waist. “I love you more than anything, and it’s almost guaranteed that we’ll do something like that in the near future. Maybe we’ll get Brendon to pick out a place closer to him for us to meet him?” 

Tyler raised his eyebrows suspiciously at Josh, nestling closer against his chest as he let out a soft laugh. “That’d be fantastic! You’d actually be willing to hang out with Brendon again for a significantly long period of time? That’s brilliant, I’m so glad. Usually people get tired of Brendon pretty quickly.” He let out a soft sigh and directed his attention away from Josh, his eyes tracing over the walls as he traced mindless patterns across Josh’s forearm. 

Now it was Josh’s turn to raise his eyebrows at Tyler, confusion falling into place over his facial features. “Why would people get tired of Brendon? He’s awesome, man. I’m honestly so glad I contacted him, I didn’t expect to become friends with him, but here we are!” 

“Of course, I know he's been my friend for years he's fantastic. Just a lot of people I surrounded myself with in the past didn't appreciate him, they didn't take time to understand Brendon before assuming who Brendon was.” Tyler shuffled around in Josh's arms, resting his free arm that wasn't squished between Josh and the bed against Josh's hip. 

“Before you, Brendon had been there for every bad experience that had followed along in my life. He would come over at three in the morning to make sure I had eaten dinner, he would climb up the terrace with icy drinks when my parents weren't home and my throat was sore from screaming through song and fighting with my parents. Everybody hated Brendon because he was not me, he was the opposite of me. He was my loud counterpart, the one with too much to say when I stood silent. People didn't quite understand Brendon, because they didn't care to know who he is.” Tyler sighed and shuffled around in Josh's arms, pressing a soft kiss to his collarbone. 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows once again, but this time lacking the confusion. He understood fully what Tyler meant, by people who didn't want to get to know him and made assumptions based on the disconnections. He was disappointed that somebody like Brendon was disregarded so easily, and it infuriated him to an extent he didn't want to admit. “I'd never make an decision based on the broadcast on somebody's outside. Listen, I used to be the Brendon too. I understand the pain of that and I wouldn't ever make any decisions before getting to know them as a person. I know how damaging and awful it is.” 

Tyler was looking up at Josh with wide doe eyes pulled into a sympathetic look. Josh didn't care for sympathy, but he knew Tyler was going to ask for an explanation and he was more than willing to express it. 

“You see, I used to be best friends with this girl named Debby. She was my version of Brendon, loud, talkative, had a lot to say. Filled with words and expressions that others ate up like candy. But the complication here was that people didn't understand her connection to me. I was quiet, my anxiety pressured me to enjoying time alone. I didn't like talking and often I'd ask her to speak for me. People thought she deserved better, worked on separating her from me, and eventually they succeeded.” 

Josh let out a soft sigh and wrapped his arms tighter around the soft boy in his arms, mindlessly tracing his fingers along his back and smiling wordlessly. He looked down when he felt Tyler scooch up in his arms, pressing his soft hands to rest on both sides of Josh's face. Tyler's lips pressed softly against his own, Josh's own hands falling to rest innocently against Tyler's waist, pulling him the slightest bit closer. Tyler pulled away softly, pressing his forehead against Josh's and bumping their noses together mindlessly. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, angel.” 

Their contact was broken by the sound of the bedroom door swinging open. 

\----  
.  
Tyler's eyes widened when his door flew open, he pulled himself out of Josh's arms quicker than he ever has. Ending up toppling to the floor and landing straight on his ass, he looked up towards the doorway. Ignoring the soft question of his condition that fell from the lips of his boyfriend. His eyes widened even further as he caught sight of his mother standing in the doorway, he composed himself and smiled softly, sending a soft wave in her direction. She narrowed her eyes at the both of them, her eyebrows raising in confusion when she caught sight of Josh, Tyler assumed that it was because she hadn't been around to meet the boy yet, that was enough to bring the younger boy to his feet. 

He stood up and rushed to his mom's side, leaning to press a soft kiss to her forehead as a short greeting, smiling weakly at her soft laugh. He was nervous, he wasn't anticipating introducing his Mom to Josh just yet. He wasn't even out yet. Would Josh get angry if he introduced him as just his friend? Tyler wasn't sure, but he was about to find out. With hesitation in his voice, he motioned towards the boy who had sat up nervously on Tyler's bed in his absence. “Mom, this is my best friend, Josh.” 

Tyler's eyes scanned Josh's face as he spoke, watching Josh's emotions switch from anxious to sad, before flipping completely into feigned happiness. He felt his heart fall in his chest and his eyes dropped to the ground, tracing the patterns of the hardwood to distract himself. He wished he hadn't had to do that, but he knew his mom's history with disagreement towards this type of relationship. He didn't want any repercussion of the scene that could follow to come back and hurt Josh in any way shape or form. “It's nice to meet you Josh, I'm sad we couldn't have met sooner! I do happen to work a lot unfortunately.” 

“It's wonderful to meet you too, and it's quite alright; work is very important.” His tone was uninterested, but he was making an attempt for what Tyler assumed was for him, to make sure he didn't make an awful first impression. Tyler felt his heart ache softly in his chest as he looked back up to his boyfriend, who sent him a weak smile in return. 

Tyler let out a sigh of relief as he watched his mother give a small wave and along with a promise to check in later, he smiled half heartedly back, slowly closing the door behind her and locking it. 

“I'm sorry, J. I didn't mean to upset you I'm just- I'm not out and-, I'm sorry.” He looked at his feet, slowly shuffling towards the bed before loosely throwing his arms around Josh's neck, leaning his forehead against Josh's. Josh let out a soft sigh of relief, wrapping his arms loosely arms around Tyler's hips and pulling him closer. Tyler buried his face in the soft mess of hair atop Josh's head, breathing in the soft scent of vanilla and mint. 

“I'm not upset with you, Tyler. I was just confused and a little sad because I thought the reason you had done that was because you weren't proud of me or something, didn't want to show me off. I didn't know you weren't out to your parents yet. I'm sorry for reacting that way.” Josh pressed his face gently into Tyler's chest, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. Tyler let out a soft noise and pulled Josh closer. 

“I have never been as proud of something as I have been of you, I'll take every chance possible to show you off to everyone, I'm just not sure I'm ready to do it with my mom yet. I don't know how things would turn out.” Josh hesitantly pulled his face away from Tyler’s chest, his eyes were questioning and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“You don't think she would react well to it?” 

“Josh, I would have introduced you as my boyfriend if I believed things would have gone well. I think she would have been very negative about it to be completely honest.” Tyler's voice fell weak at the ending of his sentence, he didn't want to admit that somebody as sweet as his mother could be homophobic, but he knew for a fact that it was undeniable. 

“Another counterpart proving that my mom is the best mom!” Josh exclaimed triumphantly, leaning up to press a soft kiss to Tyler's chin. 

“I wouldn't deny that at all.” 

\----

Josh let out a loud sigh as he nestled deeper against Tyler's side, smiling softly as he felt Tyler's arms wrap tighter around his body. He didn't wish to leave this positioning anytime soon, he was far too comfortable for that. But he was sure that anytime soon he would be forced from his place of comfort and sent back home to visit his mom who he hadn't seen in a week, he missed her dearly. But he wished Tyler could have just come home with him. “Josh honey, you should probably get going home. I know your mom must miss you.” 

His voice was soft, and Josh could tell that the smaller boy didn't want him to leave either. But he knew that Tyler was more convincing than him, and would be the only thing to force him out of Tyler's bed. “I don't want to leave.”

Tyler leaned forward and pressed a multitude of small kisses to Josh's face, causing a flurry of giggles to escape the larger boy. Josh smiled, pulling his face away slightly to capture Tyler's lips in a kiss, ceasing the boy’s actions. Tyler let out a soft sigh and melted his body against Josh's, his hands raising to rest on both of Josh's cheeks. Josh was the one to eventually pull away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Tyler's and sighing into his touch. “I don't want you to leave either, but I promise you I'll see you tomorrow. I'll come over and bring you a coffee in the morning, in your favorite mug of mine!” 

Josh smiled at the sentimental gesture, and the excitement that ran through Tyler's expression sent a jolt of happiness through his body. He traced his fingers across Tyler's side, leaning into him softly as he focused his thoughts once again on Tyler's breathing. “Is it fine if I leave my stuff in your trunk for tonight? I promise I'll come get it tomorrow, I just don't have much energy to do anything but sleep.”

“Of course, baby. I'll bring it out into the living room tomorrow morning so it's easier to grab.” He smiled softly, pressing a smaller kiss to the tip of Josh's nose. 

Josh leaned into Tyler slightly before pulling himself out of his arms, settling onto the floor after he pulled himself out of the bed. He grabbed Tyler's hands and assisted in pulling him up, Josh's arms snaked around his waist and Tyler let out a soft laugh, resting his head on Josh's shoulder; pressing a soft kiss to the exposed skin of Josh's neck. “C’mon, if we keep this up you're never going to leave. And your mom will be incredibly sad.” 

Josh snickered and pulled away from Tyler, pulling him by his wrist towards the closed door. Tyler reluctantly broke the hold on his wrist, sending Josh a sad smile, pressing a kiss to his shoulder as they stepped out into the hallway. Josh wouldn't dare get upset with Tyler for not being comfortable about showing affection in front of his mother, if if he wasn't sure of her reaction; he wasn't going to force it. The worst thing that could happen would be for her to find out, freak out; and expose Tyler to an unsafe environment. 

Tyler hurried Josh down the stairs, shouting to his mom that Josh was leaving. She shouted a goodbye in response but he couldn't gain up the energy to repeat it back to her. Tyler shooed him out the door, playfully swatting at Josh's ass as he stepped his way into the significantly colder air of Tyler's front porch. Josh let out a quiet squeak, managing to muffle the sound by biting his lip; hard. 

Tyler let out a soft laugh as he slid the heavy steel front door behind him, leaning forward to reach for Josh's hand once again. Josh smiled and laced his fingers through Tyler's, lifting his hand to his lips so he could brush a soft kiss against Tyler's knuckles. “I know you're only gonna be gone home for half a day, but I'm still gonna miss the shit outta you, Joshie.” 

Josh let out a soft laugh and pulled Tyler against his chest, wrapping his arms loosely around the shorter boy’s waist. Resting his chin against Tyler's shoulder. He pulled away reluctantly after a few moments, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to Tyler's lips. “I'm gonna miss you too, baby boy. Please go inside and get some rest.” 

“I love you, Josh.”

“I love you too, Tyler. I'll see you in the morning.” 

Josh swore that the curtain that hung from the living room window moved as he walked away, but he shrugged his shoulders and made his way towards his own house.

\----

Tyler smiled softly as he watched Josh step towards his own house, watching as Josh sent a small wave in his direction before pushing his way inside his house. Tyler stood in silence for a few moments, listening to the cool breeze brush past his cheeks. He took this as a cue to step inside the house, shutting the door tightly behind him.

Tyler felt the sudden presence of a hand firmly wrapping itself around his wrist, and suddenly he was being yanked backwards, only to come face to face with his mother. He could see the anger boiling behind her eyes and visibly shrunk back, only for her to tighten her grip and move even closer. He could almost feel the ball of anxiety growing larger in his chest with every passing second. 

 

"What the hell was that?" The older women spat, her tone dripping with a mixture of anger and disgust. Tyler's breath caught in his throat as he scavenged his brain for something to say. 

 

"W-What do you mean?" Tyler replied in a shaky voice, trying his best not to cry at the sudden confrontation. He tried to pull away, but to no avail. 

 

"You know damn well what I mean, Tyler. I saw you kiss that boy." she responded, her grip strong enough now to almost cut off the boy's blood flow in his arm.

 

"Y-You're hurting me" the younger boy whimpered, trying to pull away once again as he felt tears threatening to spill.

 

“Answer me!" she practically screamed in Tyler's face, who no longer could hold his emotions back and felt tears begin to stream down his face.

 

"W-What do you want me to say?" Tyler sobbed in response, his emotions feeling like a dam that had just been broken and was now flooding his entire body. His voice was shaky and his knees began to feel weak. 

 

"I want you, to tell me, that what I saw was a mistake and that you won't let it happen again. I didn't raise a disgusting sinner." Kelly spoke angrily, sneering the last part.

 

Tyler could feel her breath on his face, hot enough that it made him squirm as he avoided her eyes as best as possible.

 

"Tyler Joseph, answer me or I swear to god himself I will make you sorry you ever went near that boy!" the brown haired women yelled, grabbing hold of Tyler's hair in the process and forcing his head up to look at her with red rimmed glassy eyes. He winced slightly at the pain that spread across his scalp. 

 

"I-I love him, and nothing you say or do is going to make me change my mind." Tyler spoke in a shaky voice before gaining enough confidence to add, "Fuck You." with as much hatred as he could muster in his voice.

 

"We'll fucking see about that" the older woman whispered before Tyler felt the impact of her hand across his cheek, hard enough that he stumbled back, crying out as he hit the hardwood floor beneath him.

 

He instinctively threw his arms up over his eyes which were squeezed shut when he heard his mother's footsteps approaching. But the second slap never came, all he was met with was the sound of his mother walking away and shutting what he assumed was her bedroom door. 

Tyler quickly threw himself up once he heard the click of the door signalling it had been closed, and practically ran up the stairs, making sure his footsteps were light enough to not attract unwanted attention. His hands were shaking and his body felt weak, he could feel the pain in his cheek blossoming into a bruise across his skin. His breathing was rough and broken, and he slid his door closed behind him. Sliding down to the floor and settling himself against the hardwood floor. 

The scent of Josh lingered through his bedroom and he let out a heavy sob, dragging himself towards the bed and settling himself underneath the covers, being mindful of the pain spread across his cheek. He buried his face into the fleece throw blanket, inhaling deeply and following that breath with a sob. 

There were many things that Tyler had expected from his mother, but he certainly didn't expect this. He expected anger, followed by silence. Silent disagreement that would only cast a struggle within their already dwindling relationship. He didn't believe he would end it entirely. He didn't think that his mother would have stooped as low as using physical force with him. Another sob broke from his lips as as he brought the blanket around his body. 

|-/

After a few moments of allowing his breath to silence, he lifted himself from the scratchy sheets of his bed. Slowly shuffling his way towards the door, he stepped out into the hallway; stepping quietly to assure his Mother not hearing him and moving out of her room to confront him again. He wouldn't be able to handle that in any way shape or form. He made his way to the bathroom, quickly sliding the door closed and not bothering to lock it behind him. He hoped his mother wouldn't come in if she knew he was in there. 

His breathing sped up, as he quickly moved towards the cupboard. Searching for the one thing he craved the most. He pushed the bottles of medicine, the extra soaps away. He couldn't find it. A shattered sob escaped his throat as he moved to the next drawer, fingernails raking along the wood for the cold blade that he desperately searched to feel. When he felt the cold metal across his fingers, he let out a relieved gasp. 

Finally. 

|-/

\----

Josh had heard the yelling. He felt the chill in his bones that started in his spine and spread out throughout the rest of his body. He felt the warm touch of his mom's arm against the sensitive skin of his arm, breaking him from the trance of thoughts he had thrown himself into. Josh looked up to her with mocha eyes that seemed to melt at the eye contact. Her eyes were warm and inviting, and he realized just how much he had missed her. 

“He’ll be just fine, honey. Family feuds, you know how they go.” 

Josh shook his head in disagreement, feeling angered by the bouncing of the curls on his head for some unknown reason. He knew there was something more to it. Tyler's mom was never around, where would she find the energy to yell at him? And over what? His body tensed as his mother pulled him into a warm embrace, and once again, he wasn't sure why it angered him. He leaned his head against his mother's shoulder, allowing himself to melt into her touch. He hoped Tyler was going to be okay.

\----

Josh: Tyler, what happened. 

Josh: I could hear her yelling at you, please let me know if you're okay. Please call me, text me. Anything.

Josh: Tyler, please.

Josh's hands began to shake as he wrapped the loose blanket around his shoulders, coming to the realization that Tyler wasn't going to respond to his messages. He knew that Tyler probably wanted to be alone, he needed his space and he'd text Josh if he needed him. But something couldn't fight away the ache that was settling itself in the deepest parts of his chest, pointing him towards checking in. Check on him. Check on him. He ignored the pleading of his mind and pulled himself on to his feet, slowly forcing his phone back into his pocket as he leaned against the windowpane. 

Josh forced the unsteady window back open, fighting away the soft laugh that came towards his teeth. A brand new house shouldn't have unsteady windows, especially to this capacity. He crawled through the window, sighing softly as his hands hit the faded brown paneling of the roof. He had come up here a few times since he had moved in, when his anxiety was bad or when his mood was unsettled. It worked wonders to lay down against the angled roof of his house, and to stare up at the intricate pattern of stars that littered the sky like an artist's canvas. 

The hardened surface that pressed into Josh's back was barely acknowledged by the boy, he settled comfortably into his position like a routine. His eyes scanned the stars for a few minutes as he took a deep breath, pulling his hands over his head and relaxing against the roof. The cold breeze nipped at his cheeks and he frowned, pulling the hood of the jacket closer to his face to shield his skin from the cold. 

He couldn't fight off the racing of his mind, he tapped against the paneling, trying to bring himself as much distraction as possible. Nothing seemed to be working. Josh's body wouldn't be able to relax until he was aware that Tyler was okay, and he wasn't sure when that time would come. 

Josh was ripped from his train of thought when a soft noise echoed through the empty air and over the breeze. He sat up in his position on the roof, pulling the phone from his pocket in haste, just to check if anything had updated, before he heard the noise again. This time, louder. 

His eyes wandered towards Tyler's house, scanning the light brown paneling as he looked towards Tyler's window. Tyler's window was opened, the pristine white curtains that hung from them swaying with the cold breeze. His eyes widened in confusion as he leaned forward to get another look. The sound rang out through the silence, causing Josh's eyes to scan once again towards the frosted window that belonged to Tyler's bathroom. He could see the shadowy figure of a lanky being and within the same breath relief and anxiety spread through his body. 

The relief that spread through him was entirely to do with the fact that now he knew that Tyler was okay, he was breathing and he was okay. But he knew somewhere deep down that Tyler was definitely not okay, something had happened and Josh was left within the dark. Hoping for the best; though he knew there was a slight chance of that. He waited a few more moments, listening for more noise. Any sound, and when the soft noise rang through the air once again. It took him a few moments to realize that the noises he was hearing, were sobs. He was hearing the sound of his boyfriend's sobs echoing through the darkness. 

Josh felt his heart sink in his chest, he narrowed his eyes down to his phone once again, bringing his screen to life to check for texts from Tyler, and when he saw an empty notification screen once again, he rose to his feet. He slipped through his window once again, rushing through his bedroom door and making his way down the stairs as quickly as he could, not bothering with controlling his noise level. His mom wouldn't dare get angry with him if she realized that something was wrong. 

"Josh? What's going on?" Laura came into view, peering at Josh through confused and worried eyes. She stepped towards him, pressing her hand in the middle of his chest to stop his hurried movements. Josh shook in his place, looking towards his mom with a panicked look. He pushed at her hands slightly but let out a loud sigh, lifting his hands up to his hair to run his fingers through it roughly. 

"Tyler's not okay, mom. Something happened. I think his mom saw us kiss and that's why we heard the yelling. I think she found out and I think she did something to hurt him. I was sitting on the roof and I can hear him crying, I need to do something. I promise, I'll be right back. I just need to make sure he's safe." Laura nodded in understanding, stepping back and waving him forward. "Bring him back if he's not safe at home." 

Josh did nothing but nod before he dashed out the door, not looking back once.

\----

Josh wasn't entirely sure how he was going to manage to get into Tyler's house. He assumed that he wasn't going to want to knock at the front door, meeting face to face with Tyler's mom could end Tyler up in a shittier situation than he already was, but assuming she must have been asleep at this time; he decided to try the front door. 

The night was hazy and there was fog lacing every corner of the street, bringing even more negativity into a sight that Josh would have once considered beautiful. But at this moment he could think of nothing else but getting into his boyfriend's house, and bringing him back to his house for the night. He stepped into the streetlight, frowning slightly as the bright glow lit up his face momentarily as he hurried towards Tyler's front door. 

He walked cautiously across the wooden porch, careful to avoid the spots that he had previously experienced as ones that would contribute a significant amount of noise. He reached forward to wrap his cold fingers around the doorknob, twisting it to no avail. The knob stood frozen in place, signifying that it had been locked since he had been here mere hours ago. He swore under his breath, making his way cautiously off the steps again, making sure to leave the motion sensored lights undetected. 

He snuck his way towards the backyard, his heart leaping in his chest when he heard another sob rise from the boyfriend he was so desperate to see, his frantic mood raised as he hurried his pace, making sure his movements wouldn't ring too loudly through the empty air outside. He reached over the top of Tyler's fence, managing to reach the latch that held the gate in place, pulling it and pushing the gate wide open. 

Making his way inside, he pulls his phone from his pocket. Swiping his flashlight on so he could survey the surrounding areas. He'd never been in Tyler's backyard before, and he was hoping there was something that could come in handy with getting him up to the second floor, though his hopes were falling drastically at this point. He walked a few paces forward, wrapping his one arm loosely around himself to fight away the chill that was forcing himself around his body. 

His body turned the corner, and seconds after his flashlight had spotted the trellace that laced up the side of the window underneath Tyler's window, he had grabbed hold of it, shaking gently to determine whether or not it was sturdy enough to climb up.  
He flipped the flashlight off on his phone, shoving it haphazardly back into his pocket. He grabbed hold of the thin wood, lifting his feet off the ground as he pulled the weight of his body up. The wood was hard to grasp onto, and he nearly fell multiple times before he mastered what he was doing. He pulled himself up the trellace at a steady pace, sighing in relief when he pulled himself completely, falling against the angled curve of the roof. 

Josh rolled into a crouching position, slowly making his way towards Tyler's window. He peeked his head through the opening, making sure there was nobody around before he slid his legs inside, peering back towards his house before sliding his body inside. He let out a wince as a pencil from the top of Tyler's desk that he had pulled himself onto stabbed into his leg, but he quickly pulled away, shuffling his way across his bedroom and peeking his head around the corner. His heart was beating out of his chest at the thought of being caught, but somehow he knew that even if he was; he wouldn't care.

When he finally accepted that there was nobody in sight, he stepped into the hallway. He was careful to avoid any spots where the floor would creak as he stepped towards the bathroom. He leaned his head against the door for a moment, hearing the soft sound of running water and a few broken sniffles that echoed through the confines of the room. His heart dropped to the bottom of his chest as he gently grasped the crystal door handle, taking a deep breath before he twisted the handle pushing against the hardened wood. 

|-/

Josh heard the clattering of a piece of metal against the cold floor, and he felt the blood in his veins run cold. Tyler's breathing was ragged and echoed through the room, a stuttered sob splitting through the room as he stepped inside, his eyes landed on the shaking and fragile body of his boyfriend and he stepped forward. “Ty-.” 

Josh's eyes widened as he watched the droplets of blood drip from Tyler's wrists and to the floor, staining the pristine white bath mat that sat against the tile. He wasn’t angry, not a single fibre of his being could be found angry as he watched the devastated look that spread across the boy he loved’s face.When Tyler finally spoke, his voice was shattered, empty and distraught and Josh couldn't hide the tears that welled up in his eyes. “I'm sorry, Josh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I promised you, I promised.” 

Josh lunged forward as Tyler's body collapsed under the weight of his emotions, Tyler's gaunt fingers scratched against the floor of the bathroom and Josh thought he could feel the tile cracking beneath their feet. Josh pulled Tyler against his chest, his tattooed arms wrapping tightly around the smaller boy’s waist. Tyler shook so violently that he brought Josh down with him, his arms clutching at Josh’s t-shirt forgetting about the blood that dripped from his arms, leaving rough stains across the perfect pale blue. “She doesn’t love me Josh, she never did. That’s why this hurts so much. I deserved this. I couldn’t be the son she wanted, I couldn’t be who she wanted and I’ve failed.” 

Josh’s fingers smoothed Tyler’s hair back from his forehead, doing anything and everything to silence the cries that were spreading from his lips at a rampant rate. The risk of waking or disturbing Tyler’s mom was too large now, and he was afraid for what’d happen if Kelly found the two of them on the bathroom floor, the son she was supposed to love unconditionally a bleeding heap on the floor. 

“She- she-,” Josh shushed Tyler, rubbing his hands gently across the soft fabric of Tyler’s shirt, his lips pressing gently to the smaller boy’s temple. “You don’t have to tell me anything right now sweetheart, please. Let me help you. You’re coming back to my house with me.” 

Tyler’s face unravelled itself from Josh’s shoulder, his wide doe eyes wet and bloodshot. Josh pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s nose, ignoring the aching of his chest as he watched the look of devastation further itself across Tyler’s features. Another muffled sob made it’s way out of Tyler’s lips as Josh helped him to his feet, lifting him up and settling him against the cold marble of the bathroom counter. He smiled weakly at Tyler’s hiss, a negative reaction to the cold stone that was now pressing against his nearly bare thighs, barely covered by the boxers that wrapped tightly around his hips. 

Josh reached around in the far corner of Tyler’s bathroom, pulling a loose towel from the rack and bringing it back towards Tyler. Tyler’s hands were shaking as the blood that laced through his fingers stood smudged and drying, tears were streaming neverending down his swollen and itchy cheeks. Josh still loved him as much as he could in that moment. He ran the pale towel under cold water, before gingerly grasping Tyler’s right arm in his hand, mumbling a soft reassurance before wrapping the cold towel around Tyler’s forearm. The boy let out another soft hiss, leaning forward to bury his face in Josh’s shoulder, a barely there sob escaping his lips. 

“I love you, Josh. You are my happiness. You are my everything. I won’t let anybody or anything take that away from me. Please, don’t ever go.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, angel. Let’s get you out of here.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones super short! But I wanted to put this up so I could work on a longer and bigger chapters, I also have to figure out how I'm going to end this. I'm going to have a hard time parting with this story but it needs to end sometime soon. (Don't worry, I have another one in the works.) if there's mistakes I'm sorry!! I'm so awful!!

Josh realized at this point in time, that he hadn't thoroughly thought out how they were getting out of Tyler's house. Josh slid the door open, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist and lifting him up into his arms. Tyler wrapped his legs around Josh's torso effortlessly, pressing his wet face against the cool skin of Josh's collar. His breathing was rough and staggered but Josh felt nothing but love towards the feeling of his soft exhales of breath against the back of his neck. After the thought that Tyler could have ended his life tonight, he was drowning himself in the presence that was nothing but his saving grace. Tyler Joseph.

Tyler seemingly saw through the thought processes echoing through Josh's mind and he lifted his head from Josh's skin. His whisper was weak and beaten down. “Just go through the garage, we can get out there without much noise and then there's a door that leads directly to the backyard. The back door is too loud.” 

Tyler's arms wrapped loosely around Josh's neck, a small sniffle leaving his nose as Josh gently traced his hand across his back. Tyler was light. Almost too light, his body seemed frail and fragile in his arms. He almost cringed at the thought. Maybe it was just the way that Tyler's body worked, his body couldn't catch up in weight what he would intake. But something about that idea made him think differently. He let out a inaudible sigh as he began to walk down the stairs, treading his path lightly as to not disturb the witch upstairs. 

He managed to make it through the entire house, out into the cool garage. He was surprised that he had managed to miss every single creaky floorboard that littered the place, but he couldn't be more pleased. He settled Tyler down onto the ground, the smaller boy whining at the break in contact as he wrapped his arms around himself. Watching while Josh fumbled with the lock and flung the door open, cringing when it hit the wall outside. “C’mon angel, let's get you home.” 

\----

Tyler felt- well. Tyler didn't feel anything. His heart was beating a rhythm in his chest that he barely recognized, the aching from his wrist sending a pulsing rush through a majority of his body. He didn't want to acknowledge the feelings that were pumping through his veins so he pushed them to the darkest parts of his thoughts, surrounding himself in silence and the smell of vanilla and lavender. Josh. 

He flinched when the taller boy pulled him into his arms, letting out a soft whimper as he rested his head against the firm muscle of Josh's shoulder, clinging to him for dear life. As if every moment in his life depending on how hard he was holding his boyfriend close. “Did I hurt you, Ty?” Josh's voice was laced in concern, but Tyler shook his head violently, his fingers balling into fists around the soft material of Josh's t-shirt. 

“Get me out of here, please. Please.” 

\----

Josh hadn’t said a word the rest of the walk to his house, and he wished he could say that it wasn't heartbreaking. He wanted nothing more than to ask Tyler what happened, question him, help ease his racing mind. But he couldn't, Tyler needed to bring it up on his own, if he was being forced to indulge in a situation that he wasn't ready to delve into yet; he was scared that his boyfriend would end up in worse condition than he already seemed to be. 

He settled Tyler down onto his feet once again, keeping an arm wrapped tightly around his waist as he pressed open his front door, his mother stood waiting at the kitchen counter. Two mugs sitting in front of her that Josh was sure was set out for the both of them, he smiled weakly and looked toward Tyler, lifting his chin to look up at him with his index finger. “I'm going to go get you a new shirt, I'm going to get myself one too. Then I'm going to bandage up your arm to prevent it from getting infected. Do you want to stay here with my mom or do you want to go settle in my room?” 

Tyler nodded towards Laura, a weak smile lacing his features as he looked back up at Josh, pressing a small kiss to his lips before pulling away and looking down at his feet. “I'll stay with your mom.” 

\----

Tyler felt the burst of anxiety rush through him once again as he watched Josh walk from the kitchen and into his bedroom, his eyes narrowed towards the ground as he stood in the front entryway. He was terrified of approaching Laura, not because he was worried about how she would react to the situation at hand, but he was terrified that the second be opened up to her he'd break down once again. Breaking down was never really an impression he loved to leave against his boyfriend’s mother. “Come on sweetheart, Josh told me once upon a time that your favorite tea was chai. I ran down that day to make sure I always had some hanging around the house. I thought you might appreciate some right now.” 

Tyler's eyes lifted from the floor the second her warm voice filled through his ears, and although his heart beat heavily in his chest he padded his way across the floor, hoping that his dirty socks didn't leave marks against the white carpeting. Laura led him towards a red vinyl bar stool, one he's never noticed the appearance of in this kitchen before despite his many visits to Josh's house. Her eyes narrowed in sadness as she caught sight of Tyler's wounded arms, and she slid the mug of tea in his direction, watching and nodding along until he took a hesitant sip. “Thank you for letting me be here.” 

His voice same out in a hesitant hum, and Laura let out a happy sigh, pulling herself up from the seat adjacent to Tyler. She headed towards the kitchen sink and rummaged around in the cupboard beneath it, pulling a soft looking rag from a discarded plastic bag. “Trust me when I say that you're never a burden here, Tyler. As much as you believe so you're never an inconvenience. If my boy cares about you as much as he does, you're worth every single ounce of time I spend in your presence.” 

Tyler felt tears pooling at the corners of his eyes as he looked down towards his mug, swirling the liquid around within the ceramic and admiring the color to distract himself from the unsettled feelings in his chest. Regardless of what Laura was saying, he still felt like every moment he spent here was unnecessary. He would have gone back home if he could have to avoid unneeded stressors, but at this moment he was unsure if he was needed or wanted in his own home. He flinched when Laura appeared right in front of him, nudging his arm gently and mumbling a soft apology. “May I?”

Tyler nodded hesitantly before sliding the small amount of fabric covering his arms away, he looked away quickly to avoid looking at what he has done. The mess he had made. Thinking about the feeling only made him crave more, he balled his hands into fists as Laura pressed the soft fabric to his skin, pausing as a soft hiss was released from Tyler's lips. He felt his lip start to tremble as the thoughts built up in his mind, he took a deep breath and finally spoke. 

“She doesn't want me home anymore. She never said it but I know she won't want anything to do with me. I don't know where to go.” 

Laura's brows furrowed as she moved the cloth along Tyler's wrists, whispering another apology as she thought she grazed along a sensitive place. She cleaned away all the drying blood and the newly beading drops, her eyes focused completely on stopping the actions of the liquid. “Are you comfortable with telling me what happened? You don't have to say a word that you don't wish to share. But if I know what happen I can help pass along proper information that could help you.” 

Tyler took a long shaky breath, nodding his head gently as he settled against the counter, his hand wrapped firmly around the heated mug. Laura looked up and gave him a soft smile, encouraging his words as she pressed gently rubbed her thumb against the untouched skin of his inner wrist. He felt his hands begin to shake as he once again balled them into fists, leaning his head onto his shoulder. “Can I?” 

Josh's voice broke through the silence, causing a soft sigh of comfort to release from Tyler's lips as he looked up. Laura moved out of the way, allowing Josh to make his way in front of Tyler, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to Tyler's forehead. A soft hum escaped Tyler as he leaned forward against him. “If you don't want to tell me, I can leave before you explain. I just want to fix you up first.”

Tyler's body tensed up, he reached forward and wrapped his hand tightly around Josh's wrist. “Please don't leave, I want you to stay I’m just- I don't know. I'm sorry.” 

Josh placed the bandages on the counter, stepping forward once again and wrapping his arms tightly around Tyler's waist, the smaller boy responded by lifting himself up and loosely wrapping his arms around Josh's neck, burying his face against the soft skin of his collar. “You don't have to apologize for anything, angel. Take your time. None of us are rushing you.” Tyler pressed a soft kiss against Josh's shoulder, shyly offering up his wrist to Josh. He focused on the gentle movements of Josh's hands against his wrist, and he sighed into the touch, before looking to his left and meeting eyes with Laura once again. 

“She caught me kissing Josh.” Tyler's voice fell into something quieter than he intended, but he was sure neither of them minded. Josh's eyes stood trained on Tyler's arms, tying the bandages in the appropriate places and leaning his head down to press a kiss over the hidden wounds. Tyler let out a soft sigh and allowed his head to fall against Josh's shoulders, melting against Josh's body as he pulled him close. Josh settled himself into the opposing bar stool, slipping Tyler into his lap. 

“I didn't think anything was wrong, I swore she was on the other side of the house. Maybe she was closer than I thought, but I don't know. I don't know.” His voice fell weaker as he pressed his face against the side of Josh's chest, his fingers bouncing gently against his knees. “I stepped back inside and locked the door behind me and she immediately grabbed my wrist and-” He took a deep breath and lifted his hand to Josh's face, tracing his fingers gently against the soft skin of Josh's freshly shaved face. 

Josh's eyes landed against Tyler's face, and Tyler could feel the way the colors softened as they traced the outlines of his face. Nothing made him feel more special than the way Josh looked at him, and in that moment he was sure that's all that mattered. Well, along with the fact that he was damn near close to tears once again. “She grabbed my wrist and I ended up backing against the wall. She demanded to know why I had done what I'd done, what brought it on. I told her that I- that I loved Josh and nothing she could say would stop that from happening and-” 

When he felt the steady streams of warmth make their way down his aching cheeks he felt a spurt of hot rage spread through him, he shove the feeling back down with as much distaste as he could muster, pressing himself firmly against Josh's sides and wiping frantically against his eyes with the back of his hands. Josh gently grabbed both of his wrists, leaning down to kiss away the tears with a lopsided, sympathy filled smile. “She hit me. She fucking hit me.” Josh's smile faded back into nothingness, and his expression slowly went from comfort, to pain, to nothing but pure anger. 

Tyler was terrified. 

\----

Tyler's mom had raised a hand to him, simply because he had participated in an act of affection with his partner. Josh has never thought of a situation more ridiculous, more awful than the one his boyfriend currently stood knee deep in. He glanced back up at his mother, before allowing his eyes to fall back on the shaking mound of Tyler in his lap. He was sure he looked angry, hell, he was angry. Everything in his body was telling him to get up, go back to Tyler's and tell his mom off in a way that would make her rethink treating her child this way, hurting him for being somebody she didn't want him to be. The anger faded when Josh caught sight of the fear in Tyler's eyes. 

Josh pulled Tyler against his chest once again as he heard a broken sob escape him. There was one thing for certain, Josh had hadn't wished to never hear a voice Tyler has made so much than he did at this very moment. A sound laced with panic, broken and wounded. And most of all, tired. “I-I'm scared she'll hurt me again if I go back, I'm fucking terrified Josh I-” 

“You're not going back.” 

Tyler pulled his face away from the embrace, his reddened doe eyes peering at Josh with something similar to confusion, but also something of guilt, of fear.

“I'll go get as much stuff of yours as I can manage tomorrow, you're never going back there. You're legally old enough to leave without consent, you are not being forced to live inside a household where the one who's supposed to love you unconditionally has decided to do that no longer just because you fucking love someone.” 

“And before you say what I know you're going to sweetheart. You're more than welcome here. Though I know you'll probably be spending most nights in the same bed as Josh, we have a spare room that you can take for all your stuff and doing whatever you wish. You're safe here, you always will be.” Josh loosened his hold around Josh as he struggled to escape, he was confused momentarily as he watched Tyler skitter across the floor towards his mother, she didn't say a word before pulling him into her arms and gently running her fingers through his hairs. Whispering the same reassurances against his head as she spoke out loud. 

Tyler would always be safe here, Josh would make sure of that.


	16. Chapter 16

Sometimes Tyler felt as if his lifespan was an iceberg, his chest melded with feelings of ice crystal formations. His arms wrapped desperately around himself to ease the chill, but to no avail. His cold fingers wrapped around even colder bones as he sat in silence against the hardened metal of his sun's headboard.

His sun, Joshua Dun.

Cold nails dug into hard skin as he leaned forward, his head hitting his knees with an inaudible thud. His breath fell from his lips in a shuddering sigh as he slid his body down towards the messy sheets. The sheets that smelled like the only being keeping him safe, keeping him warm. Thawing him. He pressed his face into the indent in Josh's pillow, inhaling softly and allowing his aching muscles to relax.

The creak of the door spread through the expanse of the room, and although Tyler knew who was there, his body was unable to move so he settled himself deeper into the blankets. He let out a soft sigh as the all-too-familiar arms wrapped around his middle, and a warm face was pressed against his clothed shoulder blade.

"I love you."

Josh's warm voice spread through his body like cinnamon, a soft breath escaped through his mouth as he moved to reposition himself in the warm embrace, he twisted himself around, leaning forward to press his face against the soft surface of Josh's neck.

"I love you so much. Thank you."

Tyler's voice was soft, a raspy undertone taken to the sound that caused Josh to raise his eyebrows slightly, he let out a soft sigh, fluttering his eyes closed as he pressed his forehead against Tyler's shoulder. "What're you thanking me for, honey?"

"You make me melt."

\----

Tyler's body jolted when he found himself awaking within an unknown bed, a scent surrounding him that he was not used to, but not unfamiliar with. His tired eyes fluttered open, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he leaned up on his elbows, gazing through hooded eyes around the room. He smiled softly as his eyes wandered the expanse of the poster covered room, and for the first time in a long while; he found himself feeling safe.

He was a little cold without his boyfriend's warm body pressed against his side, though.

He waded through his tired mind as he tried to figure out in which way he'd have to move his body to untangle his limbs from the multiple blankets pulled around his frail body, and through multiple attempts he fell victorious. He rolled over on the mattress, his hand searching the end table as he spotted a piece of crumpled up paper, bringing it towards his line of vision.

"Hey angel, good morning. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to kiss you awake. I'm heading over to your house to grab some of your things along with my own stuff. I'll be back soon, I promise I'll bring back coffee.

Love you.

-J"

  
His heart simultaneously dropped at the same time as heat spread through his body, he smiled weakly to himself as he wrapped Josh's soft fleece blanket around his shoulders, the bright red sticking bright against his pale skin. He tried to distract himself from the thoughts that threatened to break through the barriers he had built up throughout the night. He loved Josh. He loved Laura. That's all that mattered to him right now, dwelling on situations was not going to improve his already dwindling mental stability.

He dragged himself out of bed, the blanket still wrapped firmly around his shoulders as he padded his way down the stairs, his fingers barely brushing the smooth wood of the hand rail. "Tyler, sweetie?"

Tyler's face lit up as Laura showed herself at the foot of the stairs, a wide smile spread across her cheeks as she sent a small wave in his direction. When he reached the bottom step she wrapped her arm gently around his waist, ushering him into the kitchen and making sure he settled himself down on the same chair he had sat previously the night before. In the corner of his eye he saw the bags that Josh had left in his trunk, along with a few bags of his own belongings.

He smiled.

  
\----

  
Laura hadn't forced Tyler to speak a word about what had happened the night previous, instead they built conversations around Tyler. Not questions that dug too deep but questions that were comfortable to speak about, such as his own music, his writing and the voice that; "Josh adored so dearly." He had never had a conversation with somebody older than him that had flowed as easily, and felt as comfortable as it had on this day.

Tyler jumped when he felt arms wrap suddenly around the curve of his face, and as Laura let out a soft laugh and her face broke into a smile, he relaxed. Leaning his body weight slightly back into the force who stood directly behind him.

"Hi."

He could practically hear the smile in Josh's voice as he returned the word, pressing a soft kiss to the light brown hair that stood messy and unkept upon Tyler's head. Tyler hummed softly at the notion, reaching his hand towards his own side to lace his fingers comfortably through Josh's while his mom watched with a knowing smile across her lips.

He knew he was going to love it here.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really short and really sweet, "hey! I'm still alive!" chapter.
> 
> I've started school and I'm really sorry that I've been lacking on posting recently, my inspiration has all but faded completely.


	17. Chapter 17

            Tyler’s arms held loosely around his legs, the curve of his knees pressing lightly to the underside of his jaw as he stared blankly out the window. He traced gentle patterns into the denim of his jeans, a weak smile pulled at the corners of his dry and cracked lips. The only sound resonating through the room was the weak sound of Josh’s pencil across a stray sheet of paper, and the sound of him shifting every so often. Tyler couldn’t resist swapping his vision every now and then, changing his sights from the outside of his- well, his old house; and transferring it to the beautiful boy who stood mesmerized in his own writing, sprawled across the maroon covered couch of the living room.

 

            A soft sigh escaped Tyler’s lips, his vision falling back towards the front of his house, his mind still full of thoughts of Josh but his eyes falling dull. He reached his free hand forward to press against the glass, leaning his face against it to blow a gust of hot air against the glass. The warmth spread into condensation against the surface, and he brought his finger to draw a soft pattern into the sight, drawing tiny hearts with the very tip of his finger. He heard Josh’s laughter fill through the room, and his head darted back to glance towards him, his shoulders falling slack in relaxation as his eyes fell upon his boyfriend.

 

            “I love you more than words can explain.” Josh’s words fell through his wide grin, sending chills down Tyler’s spine as he buried his face in his knees, a soft laugh falling from his lips as his face fell into a shade of crimson.

 

            “I love you just the same.”

 

            Josh’s grin was wide as he looked back down towards the paper, his hand beginning to write more furiously against the surface. He desperately wondered what Josh was writing, but he didn’t dare ask. He was sure Josh would tell him if it was anything important, but seeing as the boy remained silent he decided that maybe he wanted to keep it for himself. Tyler once again pressed himself into the glass, his head slowly lulling to the side as he glanced out the window. This time, his eyes widened and his shoulders once again rose rigidly.

 

            His mother was standing in her front lawn, her hands filled with items that Tyler immediately defined as his own. She dropped them to the ground with careless abandon, a stony look on her face as she rubbed her hands on the front of her shirt, turning on her heel to return back inside without a second glance back towards the items that now stood out of place and abandoned on the darkening green grass.

 

            Tyler’s heart beat heavily in his chest and his eyes welled up with tears as a few minutes later she returned, dropping more and more stuff into the pile that just seemed to be getting bigger. His hand rose to cover his mouth, a soft whimper escaping his lips as he quickly buried his face into the surface of his jeans, his fingers digging into the thin fabric of his t-shirt. Josh was on his feet in seconds. Tyler heard the clatter of his pencil to the floor and the crumpling of paper, his arms fell effortlessly around Tyler’s middle, his hands immediately rising to smooth patterns against his back. A sob escaped Tyler’s lips as he buried his face against Josh’s neck, his breathing falling out of his chest in erratic and weak patterns.

 

            “I wish- I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing.” His voice shuddered as he spoke, and Josh’s arms tightened around them, refusing to say a word as he listened in for Tyler to speak up once again. “I wish this didn’t fucking hurt, she’s my _mom_ , Josh. She’s supposed to want me back. She’s not _supposed_ to throw me away; she’s not _supposed_ to stop caring.”

 

            “I know, baby boy. I know. Let’s get you to the couch.”

 

            Tyler moved his body away from Josh, his arms falling back to his side as he looked back towards the window, another weak sob escaping his lips. “ _No_ , I want to watch. I n-need to watch.”

 

            Josh let out a sigh, he knew that at this point there was no reasoning with the smaller boy, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to force him to move. So, he did the only thing he deemed necessary and settled himself behind Tyler on the window seat. Without coaxing, Tyler pulled himself backward, settling his small body into Josh’s lap and allowing Josh’s warmth to consume him.

 

            Josh’s body went rigid as he watched the actions that Tyler’s mother was displaying, his arms tightening around Tyler’s smaller body as he felt the white hot anger begin to file through his system. Tyler’s warm hands wrapping around his wrists caused some of the tenseness to fall from Josh’s system, but he couldn’t fight away the anger that filled his bones as he watched her drop one of Tyler’s many posters to the ground, it bouncing off the grass and rolling down the cement of the driveway.

 

            Tyler’s breath caught in his throat once again, his hands tightening around Josh’s wrists as he forced back another sob. The tears ran hot and thick down his fast and he struggled to force air into his lungs each moment passing. Josh’s hands smoothed themselves over Tyler’s chest, allowing Tyler to hold tightly on to him and keep him grounded. Josh’s soft lips peppered kisses to the back of his neck, bringing peace and comfort to his skin as the ache buried itself deep in his chest.

 

            The loudest sob escaped Tyler’s lips as he watched his mother hands rise, her fingers twisting the silver chain of the necklace Tyler had given to her. She searched for the clasp of the chain. “No, no no no. _No_.”

 

            Tyler’s body collapsed back against Josh, his hands desperately clinging against the soft fabric of his shirt as he let out sob after sob, his body searching for salvation from the pain inside of his chest against Josh’s skin. He forced his eyes closed, pulling himself back and pressing his face deep against Josh’s shoulder, hyper-focusing on the soft soothing noises that fell from Josh’s lips.

 

            Tyler swore he could hear the clink of the necklace against the pavement.

\----

 

            Josh could feel his own tears rising to his eyes as Tyler’s body clung desperately to his body, his chest burned heavy in rage but his heart ached with every echo of Tyler’s cries that filled the room. This wasn’t fair. Nothing about this situation was fair, and he didn’t know how to make it better. He didn’t know what it felt like not to be accepted, and he wasn’t going to pretend that he did. He couldn’t imagine what losing his mother would be like; he couldn’t imagine what somebody trying to forget you would feel like. All he could do was pull Tyler closer, whisper words of reassurance and pass promises of love against the shell of his ear. There was one thing he knew for sure, and that being; Tyler’s mother was a horrible individual.

 

            “I love you, Josh. I love you. I love you.” Tyler’s voice was rough and cracked, the tears refusing to stop their waterfall down his cheeks. Josh kissed at the streams and brought him closer, softly passing a gentle hand through the tuft of hair at the top of Tyler’s head, smiling weakly as Tyler leaned into it, fluttering his tired eyes closed against the palm of his hand.

 

            “I’ll always love you, Tyler.”

 

            Tyler threw his body forward, wrapping his legs around Josh’s waist and settling his forehead against Josh’s own, pressing kiss after messy kiss to the taller boy’s lips. Despite the hot tears making their way from Tyler’s lids onto Josh’s face, the salty taste stinging at his bit open lips, he didn’t love the boy any less.

 

\----

 

            Tyler was taking every chance to whisper gentle declarations of love against the soft skin of Josh’s neck; he drank him in like water. He pressed his lips to every inch of skin that he could reach through the position they remained in. His lips peppering soft marks against his collarbone and his shoulders. Josh let out a soft laugh with each one, his hands tracing Tyler’s back with fingers as light as feathers. Tyler loved Josh, and for the first time in the past few months, he didn’t doubt that Josh loved him just as much. His heavy heart fluttered in his chest as Josh slipped his fingers into Tyler’s soft and unruly hair, pulling him into a gentle kiss that melted his skin and sent shivers down his spine.

 

            Tyler was sure that his face was red, he was sure that his eyes were puffy and bloodshot. But Josh didn’t care, and Tyler was almost convinced that he could find himself covered in dirt and grime and the beautiful angel beneath him would still find him the most beautiful individual on this planet. Throughout the pain that echoed through his chest, he felt relief. He felt the burrowing and guilt warranting wave of relief that spread through every inch of body and down to his toes. The realization that maybe his mom couldn’t bring herself to love him, but Josh could.

 

            Josh, the boy with the fluffy hair and the mocha rimmed eyes. The boy with the brilliant smile and the intricate mind that Tyler couldn’t help but find himself lost within. The boy with the gentle touch and the heart made of flames. Josh with the hands made of lavender and vanilla and a kiss filled with cinnamon. The boy who loved him even though he didn’t feel as if he deserved to be loved. Tyler found himself realizing that nothing mattered; nothing mattered as long as he could find himself tangled up in Josh’s arms at the end of the day. Nothing mattered as long as he could feel his warmth and listen to his laugh, press kisses to every inch of himself, and lose himself in the simple act of loving somebody so truthfully, so fully. The thought seemed almost scary, but he would never deny it.

 

            He loved Joshua Dun more than he loved anything else. That was one thing that would never change.

 

\----

 

            When Josh returned from retrieving the last bout of things from Tyler’s front lawn, he pulled Tyler’s warm body against him. A small smile lacing his lips as Tyler examined the decent sized pile of his own belongings that stood beside the bags of stuff that Josh had retrieved from him in the early hours of the morning. “You’re too good to me.”

 

            Tyler’s voice was barely a mumble against Josh’s shoulder, and all the taller boy did was tighten his arms around Tyler’s waist, allowing his free hand to lift to Tyler’s chin, tilting it so Tyler’s eyes were level with his own. He leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to Tyler’s lips, he felt Tyler hum gently before pulling away, loosely wrapping his arms around Josh’s hips. “I wish I could be good enough to give you what you deserve.”

 

            “You’re you, Josh. And that’s all I’ll ever need. You’re more than good enough. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me and I wouldn’t replace you for the world.”

 

            “Okay.”

 

            Tyler’s hands laced their way through his own, a smile spreading across his face as Tyler repeated the phrase back to him.

 

            “ _Okay._ ”          

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title change
> 
> and i don't think this story will have more than 6 updates until it's over. i had inspiration on how to end it and it's coming faster than i anticipated. 
> 
> i'm still writing a happy ending though, so don't you guys worry. i'll try to fix your hearts after i break them, i promise.


	18. Chapter 18

            Tyler found the bones in his body ceasing to ache hours after what he had seen in the window. Josh hadn’t left his side, his warm, calloused hands tracing patterns over every inch of Tyler’s exposed skin. He pressed kissed to every surface, every scar, and reminded Tyler of every reason why he needed him. Every reason he wanted him, craved his attention and his presence and Tyler had never felt like less of a burden. His gentle words and soft kisses grounded Tyler back down to the Earth that he was trying so hard to fall away from. Josh was giving him a reason to want to stay.

 

            Tyler’s body jolted from the calming state he had fallen into when he felt the familiar buzzing of his phone on the bed next to him. He raised his eyebrows curiously as he searched the bed sheets around him to reach for the device, Josh pulling away from his side to allow his body more motion. The incessant buzzing of the device reached an irritating state as he let out a groan, rolling over and grasping it in his phone, his eyes scanning over the caller ID, his eyes widening and a wide grin breaking across his face as he saw the picture of Brendon and Tyler together that Josh had taken, Brendon’s arms reaching forward to push Tyler into the frigid lake water. He quickly pressed the answer call button and raised the phone to his ear.

 

            “Brendon?”

 

            Josh rolled over onto his stomach, resting his hands against the curve of his jaw as he smiled up at Tyler, his eyes crinkling around the edges as he watched his boyfriend with a delicate interest. Tyler reached forward and brushed his fingers through the larger boy’s hair, his face lighting up in delight as Josh’s face melted into a darker shade.

 

            “ _That does indeed happen to be my name, how’s it hanging?”_

Tyler let out a soft sigh, his hand sliding across the bedspread and awaiting Josh’s hand to make its way into his own. He let out a soft hum of content as Josh saw his signal, tracing a pattern across his palm before lacing his fingers with Tyler’s. Tyler sent a weak smile down towards him. “Well, things could be better. But they certainly could be a lot worse.”

 

            Tyler wished he could silence his brain for a few moments, and he desperately hoped that for a few moments he could be allowed to speak about what had been happening without the cold spreading its way through his bones, unwanted and unnecessary. He knew that this feeling wasn’t going away anytime soon, but he wished he could get through the conversation without feeling bile rise up in his throat.

 

            _“What do you mean Ty-guy? Do you want to just wait until I get there to explain?”_

 

            “I don’t know, a lot of things have happened since- Wait, what do you mean by “get here?” Tyler’s free hand rose from Josh’s hands in the air, subconsciously making air quotations as his eyebrows rose against his forehead, he looked down at Josh with wide eyes and a confused expression, and Josh returned the gaze.

 

            _“Oh, surprise! I know I should have called and make plans, all that bullshit. But I thought I should just show up under the radar, you know? Surprise you once again with my good looks and incredible timing.”_

Tyler’s eyes widened even further as he glanced towards Josh, but he couldn’t fight the smile that grew across his face, his body relaxing and melting back into the pillows. “Here’s the thing Brendon, I don’t exactly live with my mother anymore.”

 

            Tyler felt Josh’s body tense against the mattress but he shook his head, a warm smile falling across his features to let Josh know that he was doing alright and that he appreciated the gesture but he wouldn’t have to focus all of his attention on calming Tyler down right at this moment. Josh gave a small smile and rested his head on Tyler’s thigh, his arms wrapping around the spindly figures of his legs, earning a stunted giggle falling from Tyler’s lips.

 

            _“You moved in with Josh?”_

 

            “There wasn’t exactly a choice in it.”

 

            _“What do you mean?”_

“I mean, she saw Josh and I kiss and she hit me. Josh snuck me out and I don’t intend to go back. They’ve invited me to come live with them and, well. Here I am.”

 

            _“I am going to end Kelly’s life.”_

 

            Tyler couldn’t fight off the laughter that spread through his body, falling in rolls through his body. He lifted his right hand to tangle through Josh’s fluffy brown hair, leaning down to press a soft kiss to the curls. Josh let a soft hum of approval fall from his lips.

 

            “You wish, according to what I’m sure are very elaborate plans to arrive outside of my house. How long do you think it’ll be until you arrive outside of my old residence?”

 

            This caused Josh’s head to peek up from Tyler’s thigh, his eyes curious and searching Tyler’s face for something that he wasn’t exactly sure of. Tyler just gave a shrug as a silent promise to explain later. Josh nodded and placed his head back on Tyler’s thigh, falling silent once again as he traced soft patterns against the marks on his jeans. _“Well, you see. I’m actually parked outside on the road. And now I’m unsure which house to go to.”_

Tyler’s eyes widened as he pulled himself away from Josh’s body, throwing his feet off the bed and bounding out of the room and down the stairs as quickly as he could possibly manage. A frantic Josh calling out his name and running down the stairs after him. He hoped Josh would be able to pull together that nothing was wrong; he pressed the end call button on his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. He jumped slightly when he felt Josh’s hand press firmly against his shoulder, pulling him back slightly. “Tyler, what’s going on?”

 

            Tyler spun around on his heel, a small smile placing his soft lips as he looked up at his boyfriend, the concern on his face seemingly growing larger with each second passing them by. He lifted his head to scratch nervously at his scalp, a weak smile lacing his features as he struggled to maintain eye contact. “Brendon’s outside, like quite literally parked on the street because he’s not sure where he’s supposed to go.”

 

            Tyler watched as all the concern washed away from Josh’s body and he released an exhausted sigh, allowing a barely there smile to lace his features. “God, you scared the living shit out of me.”

 

            “Sorry!” Tyler let out a squeak, leaning forward to grasp Josh’s face within his hands, nudging Josh’s nose with his own before he pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Josh smiled against his lips, pulling away a few seconds later and letting out a soft laugh. “Now, should we go greet him? Or just leave him waiting?”

 

            “Get your ass out the door.”

 

\----

 

            Brendon looked cooler than Tyler would have ever admitted, his legs were clad in leather pants that looked far too tight to be comfortable in, and his hair although thoroughly coated in a thick layer of gel, swung in the wind as if nothing had even touched it. His torso was wrapped in something similar to a tuxedo, a small smile pulled at his lips as he caught sight of Tyler with his fluffy haired boyfriend in tow. Coincidentally, he was parked directly out front of Josh’s house. Brendon threw his arms in the air and stepped towards the two of them, his shiny black dress shoes glinting in the light as he made his way towards them. “Well, well. Look what the cat dragged out!”

 

            Tyler let out a soft laugh, breaking his hand’s grip from around Josh’s. He skipped his way towards Brendon, wrapping his arms tightly around his middle. Tyler let out a soft hum as the familiar wave of cologne spread through his senses. He took a deep breath and rested his head against the uncomfortable fabric of Brendon’s dress shirt, he couldn’t bring himself to detest the feeling, though.

 

            It had only been two days since he’d seen Brendon last, but he clung onto the taller boy as if he hadn’t seen him in years. Brendon returned the favour without a second word, rubbing his large hands in soft circles across Tyler’s back. Reluctantly, Tyler broke from the embrace, scratching his head softly as he backtracked a few places to fall back in line with Josh. Josh didn’t pause a few minutes before he wrapped one arm around Tyler’s waist.

 

            Josh was the first one to suggest the change in surrounding, stepping back to invite Brendon into his house. He could see the way that Tyler had begun to shift nervously, moving his weight back and forth between opposing feet and sharing quick glances to the cream coloured house that stood adjacent to Josh’s own. Brendon was quick to jump on the opportunity, skipping his way up the steps to Josh’s porch without so much of a second thought.

 

            Tyler had always grown to admire the way that Brendon held himself. Whether it be the way he walked, the way he communicated with the world around him, or simply how he saw the world. His happiness seemed eternal and he was almost certain that he’d never seen a frown face the lips of the taller man. Despite the differences, he realized that Brendon was the balance in his life. Every quality that he held, Brendon was the opposite. He balanced him in ways that Tyler couldn’t begin to explain, but he’d never disagree with the simple statement. He followed Brendon up the stop, breaking away from Josh’s hold to push the door open, stepping inside and listening as the two men followed in behind him.

 

            Tyler made his way towards the living room, a small smile tugging at his lips as he settled himself down onto the comfortable cushions of the couch, he opened his arms wide in a beckoning motion for Josh to make his way in towards him. Josh didn’t hesitate before falling into Tyler’s body, a loud laugh escaping Tyler’s lips as the breath nearly knocked out of him. “Brendon, you can sit wherever you want. I don’t really care.”

 

            Brendon managed to decide on the loveseat as a comfortable residence, a wide smile spread across his face as he gazed around the room. Tyler had managed to forget for a moment that Brendon had never seen the inside of Josh’s house before, so obviously he had to be a slight bit curious. “Dude, this house is even cooler than Tyler’s.”

 

            Tyler couldn’t fight the rolling of his eyes as he pressed his forehead against Josh’s shoulder. “There’s one thing missing, though.” Tyler raised his eyebrows and peeked around Josh’s body, watching Brendon’s eyes as they scanned the room.

 

            “A piano.”

 

            The sound that escaped Tyler’s lips was far more pained that he originally intended it, but it perfectly captured the emotion that was rolling through his mind. A soft whine escaped his lips as he threw his head back against the back of the couch. His arms tightened effortlessly around Josh’s middle, the boy above him trailing his eyes across his face searching for any sign of emotional hurt. “Oh my god, I miss my piano so much.”

 

            Josh let out another sigh of relief.

 

            “Don’t worry honey, there’ll be one here soon enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short an sweet once again
> 
> i missed my boy brendon so here he is 
> 
> there might be more than 7 chapters left i'm too fucking attached to end it...


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter because my mental health is killing me and i literally want to die

Brendon had moved his way across the room onto the floor in front of Tyler and Josh, his back was pressed firmly to the hardwood floor, his feet digging into the shag carpet that lay across a portion of the floor. The heels of his hands tapped an array of patterns against the panels of wood, but everything else around them had fallen silent. Tyler wasn’t sure when everybody stopped talking, but he knew for certain that when they did it wasn’t uncomfortable. Tyler had found himself pressed against Josh, his arms wrapped tightly around his waist and his head resting comfortably on his shoulder. His eyes had fluttered closed with exhaustion and the only focus he had was on the feeling of Josh’s skin against his own. 

Tyler ultimately made the decision to force himself to stay conscious as he felt Josh’s breathing getting slower against him, signifying that Josh too was also about to fall asleep. He allowed a mischievous grin to fall across his face and sat up slowly, as to go undetected by Josh. He let out a low whistle, causing Brendon’s attention to raise from the brightness of his phone to the face smiling above him. Tyler made a quick motion with his hand, signalling for Brendon to shift away from underneath the couch. Brendon made a soft noise of understanding and rolled in the other direction, the sight enough to almost break Tyler’s cover as he stifled a laugh. 

With a final reconsideration of what he was planning to do, Tyler gave in to his antics. He gently placed his hands against the hardened curve of Josh’s ribs, a small smile breaking across his face as he watched Brendon rise to a sitting position; watching Tyler with the eager eyes of a child. He gave a soft push to test the water, to make sure that Josh was definitely not going to wake up, and with a small snicker he pressed the force of his weight against his boyfriend’s body, sending the larger body directly to the floor. 

Tyler wasn’t sure that he’s ever heard a more satisfying and simultaneously painful noise than the soft whine that escaped from Josh’s lips when he toppled to the floor, his forearms just managing to reach out and cushion his fall in the slightest way. Through his laughter Tyler leaned his head against the edge of the couch, looking down towards the pained and betrayed heap that lay a mess across the cold hardwood. 

“Josh, before you speak. I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that that was impulsive. And I am so, so sorry.” Tyler choked around his laughter, looking back up towards Brendon who was now curled up in the armchair, laughing tears running down his face as he buried his face into the side of the cushioned chair. Josh let out a soft whimper and rose to his knees, an angry but playful look spread across his features. He slid onto the couch beside Tyler, his laughter soon joining in with Tyler’s. 

Tyler absolutely did not see it coming when Josh pressed two hands to the sides of his waist and pushed him directly off the couch. 

\---

Tyler and Josh soon shook hands and called a truce from the couch games that Tyler had initiated, and the three boys soon found themselves in the kitchen. Wide smiles on their faces as they settled into the bar-stools that sat stationary around the kitchen counter. Brendon and Josh were deep in conversation over something having to do with music and drum sets. Tyler was fully paying attention to the conversation, but he lacked the motivation to participate in the conversation. A small smile was pulled across his lips, as he laced his arm through Josh’s, resting his head gently against Josh’s shoulder. Josh smiled wide and turned his head to the side, pressing a gentle kiss to Tyler’s temple before entering back into the conversation. 

“Hey, but are you sure your mom will be okay with me staying here? I genuinely will sleep in my car if it’s not okay.” Brendon pitched, a hint of laughter following through his words. 

“Dude, you’re fine. My mom won’t care, if anything she’ll be pleased that I’m hanging out with people that aren’t just Tyler. We have a spare bedroom anyways, and I think the only thing that isn’t in there is a blanket. Which I can easily pull out from storage so that’s not that big of an issue.” 

Brendon nodded his head, an even bigger smile growing across his face as he rested his feet against the ‘comfort’ of the counter. “Cool, good. I would have preferred not sleeping in my car if it could have been avoided.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i probably wont be updating this a lot anym,ore because i feel awful bdasjdgasjdsjd


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I was hoping that soon I'll be able to post more for this. I was having a really rough time last week and had a huge mental breakdown and almost took this down, but I didn't and I'm going to try as hard as I can to shut it down. I know the plot is bland and boring right now but I promise you with everything in me that things are going to get better. I just missed two weeks of school and have been struggling a lot but I promise as soon as I get out of this mess I'll put all my effort towards improving this.
> 
> I know this is short, but I think it's better to have short updates opposed to no updates at all? Let me know what you think.

The night flowed by comfortably and smoothly. Brendon had managed to bring out the happy undertone in Tyler and exploit it to its finest, having the lanky boy dancing around the living room, Josh following along with every movement. Josh couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he watched Tyler, sitting criss-cross on the floor, a wide smile spread against his plump lips as Brendon and he worked together on a song. Tyler’s movements were animated as they passed a notebook back and forth to each other, soft melodies escaping from Brendon’s lips with each line that followed suit.

 

“Okay, so we have those lines down. They sound phenomenal, but I’m stuck on this one. I’ve got up to ‘I’m walking the long road, watching the sky fall.’ As a part- part of the refrain I think. But I’m not sure what would blend well? Like, I want it to contrast with the rest of the song and bring it out, y’know. Properly?” Tyler nodded his head and snuck the notebook back into his lap, snatching the pen from Brendon’s fidgeting fingertips. He stuck a hand to his head in consideration.

 

“Hm, alright. So, first of all. You definitely want it to rhyme with the other lyrics right? Or, hm. Maybe not. Might it be better not to rhyme it to make it draw you more into the chorus right? And since we already have that smoothed out we just have to make this pop, to bring out the chorus more than we already have.” Tyler hummed in consideration, a frown of concentration spreading across his lips as he nibbled hopelessly onto the end of  the pen. That action earned a grimace out of Brendon, but he kept his lips sealed.

 

Tyler’s attention was broken as he followed Josh’s eyes to the sound of keys in a lock. An excited smile spread across Tyler’s lips as he realized that Laura was returning home. Tyler couldn’t remember a time in his childhood when he was even this excited over his own mother coming home, even when things were sweet between them. Josh watched Tyler with happy eyes, and Tyler made sure that he quickly moved towards Josh to press a soft kiss to his lips before he headed towards the opening door.

 

Laura let out a gasp when she caught sight of Tyler, as she jumped back softly. A wide smile spreading across her face as she managed to calm herself down from the slight scare that Tyler had just given her. “Goodness, Tyler. You scared the life out of me.”

 

Tyler let out a loud laugh as she slid the door closed behind her, striding forward to meet her in the middle with a hug. Laura laughed into his shoulder, her bracelets jangling together as she wrapped her arms around the smaller boy in return. “I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll stand farther away from the door next time.”

 

Laura just patted his back and stepped away from the hug, Tyler kept his hand on Laura’s back. Allowing her to drop her keys and her purse on the end table outside of the front door, before pulling her into the living-room as gentle as possible. Laura’s eyes narrowed in confusion as she caught sight of Brendon, who stood leaning against the couch that Josh was now leaning against. She looked up at Tyler before looking back down at Brendon’s face, who in return was giving a wide smile and a small wave.  “My, you’re a new face.”

 

Brendon rose to his feet, making his way over to Laura and outstretching his hand. Laura took it gingerly in hers, a wide smile spreading across her lips. “Laura, I presume? Hi, I’m Brendon. I’m Tyler’s friend, and recently Josh’s soon. I’m sorry about how sudden my visit is.”

 

“No! That’s quite alright, sweetheart. Things have always been too quiet around here since we moved in here. Just Josh and I, and now Tyler. It’s always nice to have a new face making an appearance.”

 

“I’m glad that you’ll allow me.”

 

Tyler rolled his eyes at Brendon making a very successful attempt in charming his boyfriend’s mother. But he was very glad that he was hell-bent on making an impression on her that was absolutely far from negative. Brendon let go of Laura’s hand and made his way back down to where he was sitting. Accepting a fist-bump from Josh, and earning another eye roll from Tyler. “Well, alright boys. I’m trusting you to not destroy my house. But I’m heading up to bed, I know it’s only early. But I’m absolutely exhausted.”

 

Josh rose from the couch and quickly skipped over to his mom and Tyler to wrap her in a hug, a soft laugh escaping her lips once again. “God, you boys are just showering me with love today aren’t you?”

 

She split away from the hug with Josh and reached up to pull Tyler’s head down so he should press a gentle kiss to Tyler’s forehead. “Goodnight boys, and goodnight Brendon!”

 

Brendon’s calls of goodnight echoed off the walls, causing Tyler to cringe slightly but follow that with laughter as he grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled them towards the couch, a soft smile on his lips and a red tint to his cheeks.

 

“Okay, so I was thinking that we could order pizza, and then I could help you with your song more Brendon?”

 

“I’m down for that.”

 

“You have the best ideas, babe.”


	21. Chapter 21

Josh was the first one to race off the couch once they heard a familiar knocking at the door, representing the appearance of the pizza delivery guy. Tyler pouted, hoping to beat Josh to the door so he would be allowed to pay. But Josh reigned victorious once again, and Josh seemed to know that fact, shooting a sly smile and a wink over his shoulder and earning a groan from Tyler and a chuckle from Brendon. "You guys are so adorable that it is sickening, could you hold off until I eat so I at least have something to throw up? Dry heaving is definitely unpleasant."

 

Tyler rolled his eyes, allowing his fist to collide heavily with Brendon's shoulder. Earning a soft groan and an over exaggerated movement of Brendon collapsing onto the floor beside them, his head making a gentle bang against the hardwood flooring. Brendon let out a loud whine, kicking his foot into Tyler's side. Tyler shoved his socked foot in the other direction, grimacing at the smell that reached his nostrils. "You hurt me, god Tyler. I think I'm dying. How could you do this to me? My best friend, my brother, my own flesh, and blood!"

 

"Brendon. Oh, Brendon. How could I ever hurt you! I was just defending myself from your careless words." Brendon laughed wholeheartedly, clutching at his chest as he rose from the position on the floor. He pulled himself carefully onto the couch and threw his legs over Tyler's shoulders, smirking when Tyler pushed his legs off. He replaced his legs the same way. Tyler sighed, giving up completely and just resting his head against Brendon's knee. Josh let out a low whistle as he walked back into my room. "You better not be making an attempt to steal my boyfriend, Brendon."

 

Tyler let out a loud laugh as Josh settled the pizzas on the coffee table in front of him. His eyes gazing over Brendon with mock disgust. Brendon let out a gasp of shock and surprise, resting a large hand over his heart. "With Tyler? Why I'd never. My girlfriend looks like she could beat the shit out of me three times over without breaking a sweat, but Tyler here. He's weak, couldn't even hurt a fly. I'm here for the rougher types." Brendon ruffled Tyler's hair lightly.

 

Tyler swatted Brendon's hands away, diving forward and pulling a pizza box onto his lap. Only to be cut off by Josh slipping the pizza box off of him. Tyler looked up at his boyfriend with a pout, reaching up towards the suspended pizza box weakly. Josh just shook his head and placed the box in his hand atop of the other two. "You guys can wait until I get the paper plates, don't be in such a rush. The pizza won't get up and run away while you're not eating it."

 

Josh walked away as Tyler whined.

 

\---

 

Tyler had been looking at Josh with concern filled eyes since the pizza had arrived. His brown fluffy hair was plastered messily to his forehead with a sheen of sweat acting as the glue, and the pizza on his plate had barely been touched. He had picked a few pieces of pepperoni off of the top, taken two bites and completely abandoned it. Though Tyler was certain that he might've been overthinking, worry flowed through his veins like thick syrup, and he wasn't sure how to make it go away. He pushed himself to Josh's side, resting his head gently against his shoulder and peppering gentle kisses against the side of his neck. Brendon grimaced at the two of them, making gagging noises and earning laughs out of the pair.

 

"Hey, Ty?" Josh looked down towards his boyfriend, who looked as if he was beginning to fall asleep against the steady figure beside him. Josh ran his fingers gently through the messy mound of hair atop Tyler's head, offering a small smile when Tyler looked up. His bright doe eyes confused but also interested. Josh pressed a small kiss between his eyes, causing the smaller boy to crinkle up his nose and let out a light laugh. "Is it alright if I head to bed? I'm pretty exhausted, not gonna lie."

 

"No, of course, you can go to bed. I'm not gonna force you to hang around if you don't want to." Tyler leaned up and gently rested his hand on Josh's jaw, connecting their lips for a few seconds before he pulled away and pushed at his shoulder gently. Urging Josh to get into bed. "Have a good sleep, I'll join you soon. I love you."

 

Josh's lips upturned in a smile as Tyler told him he loved him, he whispered it back into Tyler's hair as he rose to his feet. He sent a small wave at Brendon who was hunched over the coffee table, a slice of pizza in one hand and a pen in the other. He was scribbling furiously and crossing over lines multiple times before giving up in frustration. Brendon gave a wide smile and nodded his head at Josh before he returned to his work.

 

\----

 

Josh carefully made his way to the bedroom, wary of his movements so that he wouldn't make a lot of noise. The last thing he wanted to do was awaken his mother. She'd be worried about him if she even suspected that there was the slightest thing wrong. He quickly stepped into his room, slipping his shirt from his shoulders and using it to wipe the sweat from his forehead before he discarded it into the overfilled laundry basket.

 

He noticed the shakiness of his hands as he threw open his closet, deciding not to throw on a different shirt and just to keep it bare. He pulled out an old fan from the darkest realm of the closet, plugging it into the socket beside his bed. He angled it so the air would be hitting him directly, and he even went the extra mile to throw the window adjacent to the bed open. At this point, he was almost certain that he was getting sick.

 

Josh groaned at the thought, being sick was the worst. Every moment he spent sick was a moment of wasted time that he couldn't escape from. But at this moment in time, the only thing he could think about was cooling the heat pooling on the face of his skin, and fall asleep to push the exhaustion building away.

 

He had almost succumbed to sleep when his nose started bleeding in a steady stream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it comes prepare yourselves


	22. Chapter 22

Josh woke the next morning, with a headache falling through the crevices of his brain. His throat felt tight and constricted, and he wished he could fall back into the blackness of sleep and stay there until this uncomfortable feeling melted from his veins like icicles. He threw the sheets off of his body, despite the window being thrown open and the fan blowing in his direction; he felt as if his skin was hitting it's melting point. His body shifted uncomfortably against the mattress, the springs digging into his back and putting unnecessary stress in places he wanted stress to be the farthest away. Josh had just woken up, and he was already exhausted.

 

Tyler's body was pressed against his side. and the warmth of his body sent an unsettled feeling through his body. He gently pulled Tyler's arm from around his chest, resting it on the soft surface of the mattress as he rolled to the side. He threw his legs off the side of the bed, letting out a soft sigh as he ran his fingers through the messy mop of sweat matted hair on his forehead. Though he wasn't exactly sure where he had got it from, there was one thing Josh knew for certain. That was that he was becoming sick, and fast. He lifted himself onto his feet, his knees weak from laying down for so many hours prior. There were drops of blood on the pillow that was under his head, and he cringed as he leaned down to lift up the tissues soaked with his own blood from the floor.

 

Josh couldn't imagine what Tyler's reaction could have been to that, and he was surprised that the younger boy hadn't woken him up from his slumber to question him about it. But he also knew full well that if Tyler suspected that he needed sleep, he wouldn't have made the slightest wrong move to wake him up. Josh slept well, and that was one thing that was for certain. But when he was sick, his ability to sleep through anything changed quite drastically. He tossed the blood soaked tissues in the garbage bag in the corner of his room, making sure that none fell back onto the floor.

 

He quietly slipped open the door to his bedroom, allowing it to slide shut behind him without looking back. He didn't want to disturb Tyler, waking the boy up would only bring the worry to the surface of the boy's mind. Worry was the last thing Tyler needed to deal with right now, the stress of dealing with his mother filled his plate quite completely. He couldn't imagine adding more stress on him. With a loud cough and shuddered sigh, Josh made himself down the stairs. His mind intrigued by the noises of movement in the kitchen.

 

Laura was standing over the kitchen sink, washing dishes in the sink despite the fact that the new house they had moved into came with a dishwasher. She had never been too keen on using it, more focused on continuing to clean everything the same way she had always done it. Tyler and Josh seemed to be the only individuals who used it. He wiped a clammy hand across his sweaty forehead and cleared his throat to gain his mother's attention. She looked up at him with a wide smile, but the smile was short lived as her eyes trailed down Josh's body.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Her voice was concerned, and Josh didn't quite understand. The farthest he had assumed of his appearance would have been tired eyes, pale skin. But the way his mother approached and traced dampened hands across the expansion of his skin. Pressing her knuckles gently to the base of his forehead, he could tell that his outwards appearance must have been worse than he originally suspected. "Mom, I'm fine. I just think I'm getting sick."

 

"You look it. God, your skin looks like it's turning yellow. Please, go for a shower to cool down your skin. It might help in making you feel better. I'll put some tea with honey in your travel mug so it'll still be warm when you come back down. I'm going to meet with another place today, hoping to hand in my resume there. The pay is better and the place is overall wonderful." She sighed and reached up to press a gentle kiss to Josh's forehead. "Please, if Tyler tries to help you. I know you may not want his help, but please let him take care of you."

 

"I will, Mom. Thank you."

 

\---

 

Tyler awoke to an empty bed and a chill in his bones that could not be put into words. His breath was releasing into the air in thin puffs of steam, and he raised confused and tired eyebrows as he pulled the thick duvet over his shoulders. It took him a few moments to realize that the source of the cold, was the freezing fall are filing into the room through the opened window. With an aching body from his guarded sleep, he reached up and slammed the window shut, his teeth chattering as he burrowed himself under the covers once again.

 

He could tolerate the sound of the fan, and the feeling of the air circulation. But his skin maintained the sharp cold of the outside air. He hoped that if he went downstairs and prepared himself a cup of coffee, the heating downstairs and the warmth from the beverage would sort a warmth back into his body.

 

He kicked the duvet off of his body, letting loose a loud yawn as he rose to his feet, stretching his arms up above his head as the bones in his elbows cracked. He nudged around on the floor, pulling his yellow hoodie from the ground and pulling it over his thin body. He took a deep breath and made his way out the door, trudging his way down the stairs after placing a sharp bang against the wood of the spare room that Brendon was currently stocked up in. His eyes widened as he remembered what had happened last night, stepping into Josh's room and seeing his floor and his chest covered with blood-soaked tissues. The worry came back refreshed, and the echo in his chest sent a shiver down his spine. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he noticed Josh's to go mug on the counter, the lid discarded to the side as steam poured from over the edges.

 

He knew that Laura had left his mug out, so he stood with high hopes that his boyfriend would soon be making his way back down the stairs. A nervous smile made its way across his face. He pulled a mug from the cupboard and placed it in the mouth of the Keurig, turning it on and leaning against the counter as he waited for it to heat up. His eyes trained on the stairwell as he waited, he mindlessly pressed the appropriate mug size button when the machine dinged, signifying that it had fully heated up. His head shot up once the door to the bathroom swung open wild, followed by steps that fell in gentle patterns down the stairs. The smile that lit up Tyler's face was wide, filled with confidence as he rushed up to meet Josh in his place.

 

His smile was wide; until it wasn't.


	23. Chapter 23

Tyler's eyes traced mindlessly over the curvatures of Josh's face. His mind processing the lightness of his tone that didn't seem all that normal. He tore his eyes from Josh's stubbly cheeks when he began to feel Josh's stare boring into his own. He felt a light blush come to his cheeks as he met Josh's gaze, his warm mocha eyes glancing at him in confusion. Tyler shook his head and feigned a smile, looking up at the sickly looking boy in front of him.

 

Josh's body looked weak, the look on his face representing exhaustion. Tyler skipped forward, wrapping his arms loosely around his boyfriend’s waist. At this point in time he found himself not concerned about getting sick, if Tyler looked sick he was certain that the taller boy would have showered him with affection just the same. "Ty, I think I'm getting sick. You sure you want to be touching me?"

 

"I always want to be touching you." Tyler frowned at the cracking sound of Josh's voice, nestling his face into space where Josh's shoulder connected with his neck. His skin felt clammy, but he coasted his fingers along the smooth expanse anyway. Drinking up every inch of Josh's body. Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's shoulders in return, pulling the warmer boy against his body and letting out a happy sigh.

 

"When did you start feeling sick? I thought you looked fine when you were sitting downstairs with Brendon and me, but I assume that could be why you barely touched your food." Tyler symbolled towards the discarded pieces of pizza that still sat in the middle of the kitchen counter, he hadn't gotten around to tossing them out and cleaning the plates yet, but he'd get there.

 

"I dunno, I thought I was fine last night too. But I started to feel off when I decided to go to bed. I also got a pretty nasty nose bleed before I fell asleep too." Tyler pulled away from Josh's embrace slightly, pulling his eyebrows together in confusion before connecting the pieces to the bloody tissues littering the blankets at the garbage bag next to the door. "I'm sorry babe, you should probably go sit down on the couch or something. Do you want me to bring you a blanket? I was already making myself tea so I'll just make you some too."

 

Josh pulled away and nodded weakly, leaning to press a gentle kiss to the top of Tyler's forehead. Tyler's face flushed one again and a wide smile spread across his lips with a soft laugh. "Can you get me the red blanket and your yellow hoodie?"

 

Tyler laughed at the soft pout that spread across Josh's lips, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to them. Tyler lightly pushed Josh into the direction of the living room, a light smile pulled soft around his lips. "C'mon, go lay down. I'll be right back with the blanket and my hoodie."

 

"I love you, Tyler."

 

"I love you equally, J."

 

\----

 

Tyler practically ran up the stairs, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. The air was frigid even to him, and he was certain that it would be colder inside the room due to the window being open all night, but he entered anyway. Making quick work of locating his hoodie throughout the mess of laundry that was equally that of Josh, and his own clothing. He found the hoodie under a pair of Josh's jeans and grabbed the red blanket from the foot of their bed. Throwing it over his shoulder before slipping into the hallway again.

 

He decided this was the best time if any to raise his best friend from the realm of sleep. Brendon had a tendency to sleep through all hours of the day if nobody woke him from his slumber, so he shook his head and walked towards the spare bedroom, knocking half-heartedly against the hardened wood. When there wasn't even a groan in response, he let out a sigh and swung the door open. Not bothering to avoid noise. If Brendon could sleep through knocking, he could sleep through a creaking door too.

 

"Hey, Bren." Tyler stepped into the room, hitting his knee against the comfortable looking mattress in order to give some vibration that could potentially wake Brendon from his slumber. When that came out to no reaction, Tyler smiled and lifted his free hand, pulling at a corner of the blanket and flicking Brendon directly on his nipple.

 

That motion leads to Brendon waking with a start, a startled yelp falling into the air around them. Tyler collapsed to the blankets of the bed, laughing harder than he could remember doing in the months previous to this. His laughter ceased when Brendon landed a hard blow to his stomach, causing him to keel over in pain opposed to laughter. A loud groan escaped his lips and he dropped the blanket onto Brendon's bed.

 

"Fuck dude, at least my hit was the slightest less painful. Holy shit." Tyler groaned, rolling onto his back and shooting daggers with his eyes in Brendon's direction. The sleepy boy was smirking through his tired eyes, seemingly mocking Tyler without speaking any words. "The hell did you wake me up for? The world ending? God, that's not even a good reason to wake me up."

 

"Sorry, I was just hoping that you and I could go do something today. You know, get out of the house for a little bit and all that. Josh is pretty sick, so I'm forcing him to stay on bed rest. But I really, really need to get out of the house." Brendon nodded his head in understanding before running his fingers through his thick hair. He yawned loudly.

 

"Sure dude, maybe we can head down to Crystal Lake for old time's sake?" Tyler nodded eagerly, gathering the blanket and his own hoodie back into his arms. "I'm always a slut for Crystal Lake."

 

"Jesus Christ, Joseph. Tone it down. There is a child downstairs."

 

\----

 

Tyler had quickly pulled together a cup of tea for Josh, deciding against making one for himself built upon the uneasy feeling settling itself in the pit of his stomach. He shook the feeling off easily, conversation flowing between him and Brendon as he put sugar in the bright pink mug that he'd be handing to Josh.

 

He nodded to Brendon as he passed him, shaking his head at the whip noise that Brendon allowed to slip from his lips. He let out a soft laugh as he entered the living room, but his smile fell once again when he caught sight of his boyfriend. Curled up and shaking in the corner of the cushions. He frowned and hurried to Josh's side, settling his body onto the edge of the couch and placing the mug on the coffee table.

 

Tyler motioned for Josh to lift his body up, and with a slight bit of struggle and a helping hand, Josh managed to settle into a sitting position. Allowing Tyler to pull the hoodie over his head and his arms through the holes wordlessly. As much as the concern was bubbling within his chest and seeping out at the edges, he didn't want to smother Josh. He pressed a kiss to Josh's damp forehead and spread the blanket over his shivering body. "You gonna be alright if me and Brendon head out for a while?"

 

"Yeah, Ty. I just have a cold. I'm not going to die when you're gone." He let out a weak laugh and allowed his head to fall onto Tyler's shoulder. The sound of his voice made Tyler cringe. He wasn't used to the unsteady noise falling from Josh's lips and it unsettled him, to say the least. He wrapped his arms around Josh's waist, pulling him close and pressing a soft kiss to his neck.

 

"I'm your boyfriend, and you picked the perfect person to be overly worried about your wellbeing." He forced out a laugh and ghosted his hands across the expanse of Josh's back. A small smile pulled tightly across his lips. "Yeah yeah, I know."

 

"I'll be bringing my portable charger so my phone won't die while I'm gone, so you can text me if you need literally anything at all. I'll bring you home a coffee or something if we make a stop on the way back." Josh nodded and pressed a kiss to Tyler's shoulder.

 

"Love you, Ty."

 

"Love you more, J."

 


	24. fuck

So guys, it seems that I am awful. I'm sorry these fics have been untouched but my laptop was very broken and now it's been so long that i have to reread each fic ive done so i can continue it! i'm rly sorry, they'll be updated soon enough!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short but okay i kind a forgot how to write ficxs sorry

            Tyler shared a short wave with his boyfriend before he slid out the door, Brendon’s arm soon coming to rest across his shoulders. He let out a light laugh and allowed the worry burrowed in his chest to fade away into the air like steam. The walk to the car felt longer than it was, and his eyes lingered on his mother’s house longer than he desired to. “Dude, don’t worry about Josh. He’s fully capable of handling himself during a sickness. The guy will probably just sleep it off!”

 

            Tyler nodded his head as he swung open the passenger door of Brendon’s vehicle. Brendon was right, but at this point, he was sure that nothing could remove the fear from his body. He’d had people in his life fall ill with mysterious sicknesses and end up passing from deadly diseases, but he was sure that if it was that bad; the symptoms would be more prevalent. Brendon slid in beside him, reaching into his pocket and pulling a half empty pack of Marlboro’s out of his pocket. “You don’t mind, do you?”

 

            Tyler shook his head, motioning for Brendon to continue and watching through his peripheral vision as Brendon lifted the slender cigarette to his lips and lit it. Tyler let out a sigh and reached for Brendon’s pack, lifting a cigarette from the packaging and slipping it between his lips. It had been forever since Tyler’s last cigarette, he had picked up the habit when his depression was bad and dropped it when he “You don’t mind if I take one either would you?”

 

            Brendon shook his head in a way that Tyler couldn’t decide whether or not it was depression or comfort. Though it was hypocritical of Brendon to be disappointed, Brendon would always be upset when Tyler did something that the other was known to do. He was protective in a backhanded way. Tyler didn’t blame him one bit, he was just the same.

 

            Tyler lit the smoke and inhaled deeply, the smoke releasing from his chest with a sigh and a roll of his eyes. Even he was disappointed in himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. One cigarette wasn’t going to kill him. He rolled down his window and released another plume of smoke, letting out a soft sigh when the purr of the engine filled his eardrums. He was excited to get out, excited to spend a day out with somebody who wasn’t his mother or Josh for the first time since he could remember.

 

            “It’s been a hot minute since we’ve gone to Crystal together, huh?”

 

            Tyler nodded his head, unable to form words as he watched the trees speed past through the window. He slid his hand along the interior of the car before flicking his ash out the window, careful to not get any on the inside of the vehicle. “You know, you could always use the ashtray, you know the one that’s inside the vehicle, right fucking here.” Brendon teased.

 

            Tyler let out a laugh and flicked his ash into the ashtray, “Whatever you say, man, I was just trying to watch out for your car.”

 

            “Tyler you could honestly smash my windshield and I would forgive you, a little ash isn’t going to wreck my day.”

 

\---

 

            Tyler wasn’t sure when, but he fell asleep against the leather of Brendon’s seats, his skin sticking uncomfortably to the surface as he shifted forward, letting out a huge yawn. The sun was hot against his skin and he scrunched his face uncomfortably before reaching into his bag to grab his sunscreen. He wasn’t sure that it was entirely necessary but he certainly didn’t want to come home to find his skin red and irritated. He laughed at himself as he squirted some into his hand, he had taken Josh’s sunscreen and it smelled like coconut. It was extremely fitting.

 

            Tyler realized when he had finished covering his body in the thick lotion, that Brendon wasn’t in the vehicle with him anymore. His backpack was missing from the backseat, and his hat was no longer sitting haphazardly on the dashboard. Tyler rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders, surprised that he hadn’t woken Tyler up from his slumber and forced him into the lake.

 

            He stepped outside of the vehicle and slung his backpack over his shoulders, before manually locking the door and slamming it behind him. He heard the soft echo of Brendon’s singing voice cascading through the trees, and with a small smile, he followed the sound. Humming along to the familiar tune of the song he and Brendon wrote when they were younger.

 

            They had written many songs together, many of them simply reflecting their immaturity at best, nothing too serious. But the song Brendon was singing was one that Tyler had mainly written, while Brendon helped pull together the loose edges. He kicked rocks with his sneakers as he followed the sound, timidly allowing his own voice to follow Brendon’s as he faintly made out the messy brown hair.

 

            “I can feel your breath,

            I can feel my death,

            I want to know you, I want to see

            I want to say, hello.”

 

            They sang the last word together as Brendon slung his arm haphazardly around Tyler’s waist, Tyler in return throwing his own arm over Brendon’s shoulders. “An oldie but a goodie, eh?”

 

            “I agree.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for such a short chapter! But this is more of a "I'm back!" sort of. I usually update this when I'm fed up with doing my classes, so maybe once or twice a week. I'm not entirely sure yet. I'm trying to get this story on track at least so I can finish it up and stop leaving everyone hanging. Sorry guys!

Brendon’s hair swayed in the wind, causing Tyler to break out in laughter. “Dude, I can’t remember the last time your hair hasn’t been gelled so strongly that it’s moved like that. You look like an infant child, it’s a look.” Brendon feigned offence, placing his hand over his chest and releasing an inhumane gasp. “Tyler Joseph, I have never been more offended in any moment than I am right now immediately. How dare you have the audacity to compare me to a CHILDREN.” 

Tyler allowed his laughter to consume him, allowing his body to fall backwards onto the rotting wood of the dock. His feet still floating in the frigid water. Brendon was going to kill him one day, he just knew it. Laughing until you can’t breathe really can’t be healthy. Brendon laid down on top of him, his chest firmly resting in the middle of Tyler’s chest as he laughed. His ribs ached as he struggled to wriggle his way out from underneath Brendon’s body. Tyler wrapped his arm around Brendon’s neck, putting him in a mock chokehold as he rolled Brendon’s body off of him, putting up a struggle. “You’ve overpowered me, Joseph.” Brendon gasp in mock upset. 

Tyler chuckled, lifting his back off the dock, taking a deep breath to gain back his composure, not that he really needed to keep it around Brendon. But because he felt as if his lungs were going to collapse inside his chest. He let out a slight wheeze, the smile on his face beginning to build pain in his cheeks and his lips. This was an incredibly good idea. Tyler sometimes had forgotten how good it was to escape the world swirling around him. He hadn’t thought about his mother the whole time he was surrounded in Brendon’s sunshine. 

“Bren, do you think it would be a good idea if I asked Josh to move out with me? I mean I know it’s probably difficult because he just moved to this town. I don’t want to make him switch out of a town that just finally become a home to him. But I just, living so close to my mom constantly makes me feel as if there’s a pit in the bottom of my chest. And I’m not really sure that’s healthy.” Tyler shivered slightly, wrapping his sweater clad arms around his thin torso, listening to the soft intake of breath Brendon allowed to escape his lips. Tyler found a wave of guilt spreading through his body, he didn’t want to make every situation about him. But he felt as if he might need his best friend’s input on this. Just in case things weren’t going to work out. 

“I think that’s a brilliant idea Tyler. And if you really wanted me to, I’d be able to head over to your Mom’s house and remove the bigger things, such as furniture and the things you weren’t able to quickly grab when Josh went in to grab you some clothes. You paid for your piano right?” His voice rang through the air with a question and Tyler’s eyes lit up momentarily. “I did pay for my piano!” 

“I’ll be able to bring it back to you then. Even if you’re not moving right away I can get Josh to help me bring it over here.” 

“The light of my life, you are the light of my life Brendon.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up.” 

\---

They’d given up on attempting to swim, the water was too cold and their bodies would be unable to handle it even if they’d just gone for a quick dip. Tyler yawned, packing his water bottle and portable charger back into his backpack. Brendon followed with him, tossing his own phone and water bottle into the backpack with Tyler’s things. “So, are we homebound then?” Brendon asked. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Tyler yanked his phone out of his backpack and checked his notifications. His heartbeat sped up as he checked them and saw the three missed calls from his boyfriend. He quickly swiped right and held the phone to his ear, Brendon staring confused at Tyler’s panicked expression. Tyler just waved his hand, motioning for Brendon to start heading towards his car. He huffed and picked up Tyler’s backpack, slinging it over his shoulder before walking off reluctantly. Tyler sent a sympathetic smile his way before sighing. Listening to the ringing on the other line. On the last ring, Josh’s hoarse voice filled his ear and he couldn’t fight off the sigh of relief that spread through his lips. 

“Are you okay, J?” 

He could hear the smile in Josh’s voice as he answered, a rough voice but happiness spread through the words. “Could you bring me home a couple gatorades please? The clear ones!” 

Tyler rolled his eyes and smiled. 

“Of course I can.”


	27. Chapter 27

Brendon’s hair swayed in the wind, causing Tyler to break out in laughter. “Dude, I can’t remember the last time your hair hasn’t been gelled so strongly that it’s moved like that. You look like an infant child, it’s a look.” Brendon feigned offence, placing his hand over his chest and releasing an inhumane gasp. “Tyler Joseph, I have never been more offended in any moment than I am right now immediately. How dare you have the audacity to compare me to a CHILDREN.” 

Tyler allowed his laughter to consume him, allowing his body to fall backwards onto the rotting wood of the dock. His feet still floating in the frigid water. Brendon was going to kill him one day, he just knew it. Laughing until you can’t breathe really can’t be healthy. Brendon laid down on top of him, his chest firmly resting in the middle of Tyler’s chest as he laughed. His ribs ached as he struggled to wriggle his way out from underneath Brendon’s body. Tyler wrapped his arm around Brendon’s neck, putting him in a mock chokehold as he rolled Brendon’s body off of him, putting up a struggle. “You’ve overpowered me, Joseph.” Brendon gasp in mock upset. 

Tyler chuckled, lifting his back off the dock, taking a deep breath to gain back his composure, not that he really needed to keep it around Brendon. But because he felt as if his lungs were going to collapse inside his chest. He let out a slight wheeze, the smile on his face beginning to build pain in his cheeks and his lips. This was an incredibly good idea. Tyler sometimes had forgotten how good it was to escape the world swirling around him. He hadn’t thought about his mother the whole time he was surrounded in Brendon’s sunshine. 

“Bren, do you think it would be a good idea if I asked Josh to move out with me? I mean I know it’s probably difficult because he just moved to this town. I don’t want to make him switch out of a town that just finally become a home to him. But I just, living so close to my mom constantly makes me feel as if there’s a pit in the bottom of my chest. And I’m not really sure that’s healthy.” Tyler shivered slightly, wrapping his sweater clad arms around his thin torso, listening to the soft intake of breath Brendon allowed to escape his lips. Tyler found a wave of guilt spreading through his body, he didn’t want to make every situation about him. But he felt as if he might need his best friend’s input on this. Just in case things weren’t going to work out. 

“I think that’s a brilliant idea Tyler. And if you really wanted me to, I’d be able to head over to your Mom’s house and remove the bigger things, such as furniture and the things you weren’t able to quickly grab when Josh went in to grab you some clothes. You paid for your piano right?” His voice rang through the air with a question and Tyler’s eyes lit up momentarily. “I did pay for my piano!” 

“I’ll be able to bring it back to you then. Even if you’re not moving right away I can get Josh to help me bring it over here.” 

“The light of my life, you are the light of my life Brendon.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up.” 

\---

They’d given up on attempting to swim, the water was too cold and their bodies would be unable to handle it even if they’d just gone for a quick dip. Tyler yawned, packing his water bottle and portable charger back into his backpack. Brendon followed with him, tossing his own phone and water bottle into the backpack with Tyler’s things. “So, are we homebound then?” Brendon asked. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Tyler yanked his phone out of his backpack and checked his notifications. His heartbeat sped up as he checked them and saw the three missed calls from his boyfriend. He quickly swiped right and held the phone to his ear, Brendon staring confused at Tyler’s panicked expression. Tyler just waved his hand, motioning for Brendon to start heading towards his car. He huffed and picked up Tyler’s backpack, slinging it over his shoulder before walking off reluctantly. Tyler sent a sympathetic smile his way before sighing. Listening to the ringing on the other line. On the last ring, Josh’s hoarse voice filled his ear and he couldn’t fight off the sigh of relief that spread through his lips. 

“Are you okay, J?” 

He could hear the smile in Josh’s voice as he answered, a rough voice but happiness spread through the words. “Could you bring me home a couple gatorades please? The clear ones!” 

Tyler rolled his eyes and smiled. 

“Of course I can.” 

\---

Brendon had music blaring through the speakers on the way to the closest grocery store. Tyler smiled, inhaling the lyrics of the Red Hot Chilli Pepper’s song. Brendon was bobbing his head, a slight smile loosely spread across his lips. He took a moment to admire how thankful he was that Brendon had returned back into his life. He never in a million years would have imagined being able to spend another day going on long drives with his best friend. In high school it was almost every day that they’d go on a drive, music blasting through the speakers and singing along with the lyrics until their voices ran rough. Tyler was happy. Tyler was so incredibly happy. Brendon looked over to Tyler, a slight look of confusion sparking across his face as he rose an eyebrow. “Are you okay?” 

Tyler nodded his head, his smile almost consuming his face. “I’m just fine.” 

\---

Tyler settled himself back into the passenger seat after he had run into the whole foods. He checked through the bag, counting the four cherry ice flavored gatorades that he had picked out for his boyfriend. Only keeping one for himself. He was sure that Josh would be absolutely thrilled. “Do you have any more stops left to make, or are you all good?” Brendon asked, shoving his key into the ignition and springing the engine to life. 

“No, we’re good. Let’s head home.”


End file.
